Half of the reason being that I've been working a lot more lately, so it's typically when my kiddos are taking a nap that I am able to sit down and type something up. However, if you know anything about toddlers, they don't always nap for very long and sometimes their naptime is a great time to clean up the toys or respond to emails or wash the dishes or take a nap for yourself.
Today I am taking a sick day. In all the years that I have worked, I've never taken a sick day off work, so this is a first for me. I've also never had an eye infection before, so that's also a first.
Randomly on Saturday evening, my eye just all the sudden swelled really big and was in so much pain, I couldn't even. I was helping at a youth retreat at the time and since there was a risk of it being pink eye, I had to retire from that job so as not to start an epidemic throughout all of Ankeny.
I went to the doctor Sunday morning and he didn't say anything as to what it was.. just that he was giving me steroids and antibiotics to help it. Thank goodness, because I was worried I'd have to let my hair hang over one half of my face for a whole week.
It's recovering quickly, I think.
Emotionally, though, I'm exhausted. The Lord is beginning to dig out and uncover my roots so as to transplant me once again. My heart is sad. Excited too... but sad.
Can I just tell you all the things I've been processing lately? It's a lot.
Okay.. so peace has been a major theme lately. Because lately it's what I've been clinging to.
I'm moving again. I'm pretty sure. My roommate/best friend and I keep looking at eachother and asking, "Uh.. why are we doing this again?" "Just whyyy??"
I mean, there are ups and downs to this whole process. Maybs if I list my thoughts here it will help explain it to our plethora of friends who keep asking us, "Uhmm... why?" I mean.. We're obviously asking OURSELVES that question, making us question more than we question is not helping. But it makes us feel loved, so it's okay that you ask. :)
Okay, so why we're moving. The big reason: Our lease is up in July. I mean.. we've had leases run out on us before.. obviously.. LAST YEAR WE MOVED ACROSS TOWN AND IT WAS A CRAZY BIG WHOLE DEAL... But we didn't re-contract anywhere in Iowa City. And housing is hard to find short notice in Iowa City.. soo....... I mean, yeah. We gotta move. However, the man who bought our building from our previous property management DID come to our door a few days ago asking if there was anything he could do to convince us to stay... "Uhmmm... Just tell us it's God's will and we'll gladly stay!!"
On top of that, though, life in Iowa City costs money. Which.. I mean, we work, so that's not too big of an issue, but still, we have the option of retiring for a few months to give ourselves a head start in our bank accounts by moving somewhere cheaper. The Lord has called us to be wise and at this point, the wise thing is to move out of Iowa City and get growner upper jobs. Nannying is a good job, but I suppose I should do more with a 4 year degree than do something that doesn't take a degree.
So where are we moving? Des Moines. Well... Amanda is right away.. I'll be a few months behind her. I'll go home and visit my parents/siblings for a month or two and do all the job appy stuff that adults gotta do, and then Amanda and I will re-convene in Des Moines.
Why Des Moines? Well.... a lot of reasons!
1) Amanda is from that area and it's halfway between home and Iowa City for me.
2) I have 2 brothers there and she has two parents there
3) My childhood best friend lives there with her husband and another good friend (her brother) also lives close by
4) It's a new place. New job opportunities. New ministry opportunities. God calls us to new things.
But guys, It's so hard! Because we are *incredibly* beyond words blessed in every aspect of our lives right now.
1)I live with my closest friends.
2) Kalona is just a 20 minute drive and our friends from Kalona are some of the highest quality friends/people I've ever met ever.
3)People come over to our house! I can't tell you HOW MUCH JOY floods into my heart when people come into our house and fill our rooms with laughter and chatter. People just come over. They don't even always call ahead.. they just show up and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! Guys, always! If you ever live close to me, come to my house! Eat my food! Sleep on my couch. Watch my movies. Use my computer. My door is open to you!! Always always always!! Bring friends!
4) Our church. Oh my goodness our church! I LOVE our church! I love the worship, the pastors, the community, the communion, all of it. I love it.
5) I love knowing my way around Iowa City. I love knowing the street names and not getting lost.
6) I have so many good memories of God doing great things in my life here in this city. Little strands of my heart have become intertwined with Iowa City.
7)It's home. It just is.
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But it's still a city. The tricky thing is that my heart belongs out of the city. In big open spaces, under the visible stars, in view of a good sunset, with access to a large patch of green grass. I LOVE where I am currently because I'm close enough to Kalona that I can come up for air every now and again.
I can't tell you how many times I've driven into the sunset on my way to adventure in Kalona and my heart did a hop, skip and a jump with pure delight.
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It's just a tricky thing. But I'm learning to surrender. I've told the Lord before, "Send me and I'll go." And I have to be willing to follow through with that. I have to be willing to surrender my friends and comforts and preferences. If I've said I'm willing to move half-way across the world, than I need to be willing to move half-way across the state. The Lord has way too good of things in store for me yet to hold back now.
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God is so good, guys. Two years ago, I had a very different picture in mind as to where I would be right at this exact time of my life. And when the Lord began to reshape where my life was heading, I was so broken and I just couldn't imagine that the Lord could have something better.
But I can honestly say, I would have traded that other path a thousand times over for where the Lord has me now. I am blessed far beyond my own comprehension and loved far better than I can even absorb.
Last night was the last connection group of... well... ever. For our intimate little group anyways. We've been a group for 4 years now. We've been life'ing with Jesus together for 4 YEARS. I think basically we all just cried for 3 hours. And we prayed over each other and said our goodbyes. Thankfully we don't have to OFFICIALLY good bye just yet.. but it's one of the branches the Lord is pruning that hurts a little bit a lot.
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That is that. Basically. Except that I have learned that money really can't buy you everything you thought it could. For example, I bought a new car last fall in the belief that I'd be buying a life free of car hassles and fix ups and repairs....ahaha.... The Lord chuckles.
It's as if the Lord said, "Well Fern, I see that you don't have to trust me as much to get from point A to point B with this lovely new car you have. I see that you like it really a lot and idolize it a little more than you should. What say you if something slightly traumatic were to happen to it? Suppose for an instant you thought potentially that your car was wrecked and gone forever and all hope you'd put in your car died for a second? What say you if you had to be dependent on me for basic car safety again? What say you if you have to find a mechanic to trust given how awful the last 2 years of mechanics have treated you?"
Well Lord, uh.. It's your car. You provided me with it. It is to be used to further your kingdom and for your purpose and glory so.... yeah. Your will, Lord. Also, your car has some scratches in it....
*sigh* I can talk about it now because enough time has passed... like, I think it's been three weeks since that fateful night. I'll spare you the details, but basically someone (not me) might have taken out a barbed wire fence with my car and in doing so, took out my front fog light, my back tale light, and paint. A lot of paint.
But! The Lord is choosing to show me his great love through it all and there have been some fine gentlemen stepping up and providing me with lower-costing options for getting it all fixed. Plus the fellow who put the car in the ditch in the first place has volunteered to cover the cost of repairs. So... in the mean time it's just dusting off my pride and learning to be more wise about leaving my keys on the seat of my car in the future. The Lord is good. I still have a car. A working car. It's still in a lot better shape than the 5 I went through last year and I've cried a lot less tears over this one..so that is also good.
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