Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Prayer: A Powerful Thing

Matthew 21:21-23 (New International Version, ©2010)


 21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”


Mondays to me are my favorite day of the week. At 7am I get to start me day praying with many other believers and followers of Jesus and then, in the evening, I get to close my day praying with other fellow believers in my Bible study. I honestly can't think of a better way to start and end my day. I realized that yesterday as I was praying. 


This morning as I was enjoying my very first cup of coffee after a 7 day coffee fast, I looked down to read the front page of the Daily Iowan newspaper. I was pleasantly surprised as I read the words, "Goodbye, party school." I can't tell you how exciting that is!!
So, when I was in high school trying to figure out where the heck I was supposed to go to school, one of the things that turned me off from U of I the most was the fact that it is so well known for being a party school. I knew that the campus was going to be spiritually dark and dead and so many other things that come with the emptiness of binge drinking and shallow relationships that ensure a "great" college experience. I thought for the longest time that I would go to a Christian school and be taught Christian views and only have Christian friends and then I would be ready to go out into the world and shine for Jesus. But then, I got to thinking... God's light shines brightest in the place that is most spiritually dark.  
So, I chose Iowa. Partly because I'm a pansy and liked the idea of having one of my siblings close by to boost my confidence and partly because I felt in my heart that there needed to be more Christians at this school. 


As a freshman, it didn't take long at all before I saw how much drinking and partying impacted the campus. More than that, it happened to be the norm for some of the Christians I met as well. I spent a good deal of my time being discouraged and feeling overwhelmed and thinking, "oh my goodness.. I do NOT belong here. Everyone drinks or used to drink or drinks on occasion still and one little Christian me is not going to make the slightest difference in the world." The idea of drinking or partying has never tempted me in the slightest way.. so I couldn't relate to very many people that I met, Christian or not.  
But, I realized that while I was feeling lost and discouraged.. I wasn't trusting God. Completely forgetting that God had radically changed my life.. how much more can he radically change the life of a college campus. 
I've prayed off and on about the drinking scene here... but not really with any actual faith that God would change it. After all, University of Iowa was ranked #9 in the nation for party schools. College, in general, is a place where a lot of students party and drink and what not. I looked up how many public higher education schools there are in the U.S. and it turns out that there are about 5,277. Being number 9 out of 5,277 is kind of huge. 


So any ways... after reading the article in the paper this morning, the number one thought on my mind was, "Wow.. somebody has been praying for this campus." And it's probably a lot of some bodies. And I wonder if they know how their praying is affecting this school. The new 21-only ordinance seems to be reeking havoc on the party scene in the bars downtown. It's crazy how much simply enforcing the law can change the business of a downtown bar. Because, whomever has been praying for this change is not only making a difference in the lives of students, but less business for bar-owners means less bars, which means less opportunities to drink, thus affecting a whole section of the town. Somethings need to be conquered one step at a time. :) I don't know if you knew this but Iowa City is a fairly corrupt town and a lot of it's profit downtown is built upon underage drinking. 1 Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." 


I'm not trying to go on and on about how drinking is bad. God did not make it to be evil or sinful or whatever. But, when drinking becomes way out of hand and is used to be the satisfaction of our hearts, or the aspirin for a broken life....it's only going to be detrimental to the lives of the people who are looking for something greater. When you take away this easy access to a temporary fix, then you cause the person seeking to seek harder. Maybe they just find a more painful way to get their alcohol overdosage, or maybe they become more open to other ideas. God works in mysterious ways. 


As I was looking at the headline and thinking about how powerful prayer is that it can change a party school around and was reminded of this one time when I got to see God work a miracle through prayer. When I was 16 years old, me and two of my closest friends were sharing Christ with people at a homeless shelter. We started out our adventure by just mingling with people in line for food and offering to pray for them. We came across this one man named Tom who was slightly hunched over and walked with a limp. We asked how we could pray for him and I think he responded something to the extent of his health. He was having difficulty carrying his food as his limp was rather extreme and his coffee was spilling over his cup. I and my 2 friends offered to carry it for him and we were soon settled down on the cement by the shelter building in a conversation with Tom about his broken life. As he spoke about how he had been in a serious car accident right out of high school that had killed his brother and fiance, we were given opportunity to share with Tom about Jesus. Part way through the conversation, Tom attempted to adjust his position sitting on the cement and I could just hear the bones in his hip grinding and squeaking as he moved. Tom made the comment that it was very difficult to listen to us because his hip hurt so badly. My friends and I offered to pray for Tom and he allowed us to lay our hands on him and pray for God's healing so that he would not be distracted from what God wanted to tell him. We then continued in our conversation for about 10 more minutes before Tom interjected and said, "You know what.. I believe you guys. Because while you've been talking, my hip has been hurting less. And I can feel it... it's healed!" It was a great astonishing moment. While I knew God could do it.. I was just blown away at what happened. The biggest miracle that happened that night was that Tom accepted Jesus. He accepted forgiveness and love over his feelings of hate and bitterness. And when this 47 year old homeless man who had been suffering a bad hip since he was 18 years old stood up, he could walk with out limping. I am still in awe by it. It was so crazy amazing!! 


When you read through the Bible... you see time after time that prayer made a difference in someone's life. 





Isaiah 37:15
And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD:

Exodus 8:30
Then Moses left Pharaoh and prayed to the LORD,
Luke 5:16
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

1 Samuel 1:10In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly.


Jonah 2:1From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God.


Acts 7:59
While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”


Prayer has been a predominant theme in the lives of believers since the beginning of time. I think that far too often, we miss that. We forget how privileged we are that we get to sit down with the creator of the universe and ask Him to help us with our teeny tiny problems in life. And while He gladly heals us and sets us right when we trip up and stumble off His path, we often overlook how big and powerful He is. He does not limit Himself to our teeny tiny problems. He can bring healing to whole families, whole cities, whole nations, whole countries... heck.. he can heal the whole world. He's that crazy amazing. 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Leaving a Legacy

Ah!! It's almost December! Siiiiigh... time passes too quickly and too slowly at exactly the wrong moments. Oh well, I shall just jump right into this.


As I have not blogged for quite some time and have not really allowed myself time to formulate my thoughts.. this shall be quite unorganized and choppy. :) 


Annnyways.. so, this past semester I've been listening to the lessons taught to the youth group back home via the internet. They went through this series called One Month to Live and it touched on how you should think and manage your time in view of how we never know how much time any of us actually have. So, basically, the whole thing touched on the question "What would you do if you had one month to live?" It's quite the thought provoking question to be sure. After all.. I'm in college. If I had one month to live, I'd drop out of school, and spend more time with my loved ones, tell more people about Jesus.... and the list goes on and on. BUT.. here's the thing..what's preventing me from doing all that now? I mean..granted.. I'm not gonna drop out of school.. but I can spend more time investing in my loved ones, and for sure I could tell more people about Jesus and all that other stuff. Mmmm.. I'll get back to that thought in a minute.


So, I finally was able to listen to the last message in the series the Thursday before my Thanksgiving break. It was appropriately called "Leaving a Legacy." And the verse that has been the theme in the series the whole time is Pslam 90:12
It says, "Teach us to number our days, 
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Number our days.. so.. if you had a month.. that's about 30 days... annnnd...that's not very much when you think about eternity. When I first started listening to this series, it sparked an interesting discussion with one of my  friends here at school. His argument was that we shouldn't think of life only being one month long because we wouldn't consider going over seas and helping people in Africa. I'm not really sure how that conversation ended.. most likely positively and leaving us both thinking about something deep. Buuuut it was a long time ago. 
So.. fast forward. I was actually in the middle of listening to the Legacy lesson when a different friend happened upon me and I thus paused the lesson to have a short little conversation. The short conversation turned into a 40 minute conversation with much discussion about how I was about to take the final step in switching campus ministries. I was much encouraged to hear that I would be missed,  if nothing else, by this one individual to whom I had done an absolutely terrible job of being a friend.  I thought to myself "Hmm.. maybe I did something right.." 

So the series closed and what I got out of that final lesson was that obedience and faithfulness will leave a legacy and that obedience is like building a house on bedrock. 
So... That kinda confused me. I was trying to put it in context of my life. I'm stepping away ...and I'm pretty sure it's what God wants me to do..so that's obedience..mmmm ok check.  Doing that.. and faithfulness..well.. I really love God everyday...so yep.. check that off too. Hmmmmm something is missing. 
I don't feel like I'm leaving a good mark.. if any at all. I thought about this for the rest of the day. How am I leaving a legacy? It was later that night that I realized that I wasn't really. I ran into a friend who was wishing to return something to me and asked if I would be in church on Sunday like I usually am... Ummm no... I stopped going to that church almost three months ago... yeah. I don't know why that bothered me..but it struck an odd chord. I was quite upset at the thought that while my presence often goes unnoticed..so does my absence. It was quite the wall of discouragement. 
I decided to ignore the feeling as it was a big church and college students aren't always consistent with church attendance anyways. The next day I was talking with another friend and asked about the recent baptism that had taken place at the church that I no longer attend. To which I got the response "why are you asking me? Weren't you there?" Aye.. so twice in less than 24 hours, two of my formally closest friends had not yet noticed that I had not been to their church for a couple months. The question popped back into my mind "are you leaving a legacy?"... apparently not. I failed. From there it was just a downward spiral of thoughts of discouragement about how I've wasted this whole semester, all my friends are gonna forget about me when I step completely out of the one ministry, I'm not making any difference.. so on and so forth. It was quite miserable. 

I had a few hours by myself while waiting to meet up with someone later. After an hour sitting in the freezing cold I found myself sitting in a random hallway of a random building somewhere on campus. During this time I thought to myself, "well.. I am defeated. That's all there is to it." But.. somehow, I remembered a quote from a Beth Moore study I did a long time ago and it was "When we are defeated, we have defeated ourselves for the enemy has no right to defeat us." I think that's like getting hit on the head with a spiritual 2 by 4. I used the time to myself to talk to God and see what on earth was at the bottom of such a ridiculous downcast spirit. 
I put a lot of stock in the people that surround me. I want everyone to like me and I want everyone to be my friend. That's obviously a ridiculous idea that by Gods grace would never come true. After some encouraging conversations with other people I realized my fear of being forgotten or unimportant was really lame and I should not waste any more energy being discouraged. 

Then.. God had a special present just for me! I went home for thanksgiving and was greeted by my precious family. And on Sunday I got to go to church with my family. I was suddenly surrounded by lots and lots of people who I've known and loved and were as excited to see me as I was to see them. Adults, peers, friends, old Bible study leaders, friend's parents... it was glorious. God has blessed me with the most wonderful spiritual family I could ever hope for and I do not need the acknowledgement of people I have only known for about a year to gauge how much of a difference I'm making for Jesus. To be honest.. I don't think we truly will ever know how many people we affect when we come in contact with them. There are some people that I knew for only a short time that have encouraged my walk with Christ and there have been others that I've known a long time. 

So.. to wrap up all these thoughts.. I was thinking.. what is it that makes a difference? What's the magical formula that you gotta do and suddenly you've changed someone's life?
I think what I've realized is that while I would like to affect people with charm and flattery.. the only one that is genuinely going have an impact is Jesus. I mean, when I think about it.. my face is most lit up when I'm close to Jesus. I love people more when I'm filled with Jesus. And if there is anything i would want people to remember about me at all ever.. it would be that I love Jesus. A lot. And I truly hope that people knew that before I wrote a blog about it.. cuz that would be super sad if that wasn't obvious in my life. 



Sunday, November 14, 2010

A Time for Thanksgiving









Psalm 126

A song of ascents.  When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
   we were like those who dreamed.
 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
   our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
   “The LORD has done great things for them.”
 The LORD has done great things for us,
   and we are filled with joy.

  Restore our fortunes,LORD,
   like streams in the Negev.
 Those who sow with tears
   will reap with songs of joy.
 Those who go out weeping,
   carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
   carrying sheaves with them.



Well.... this semester is almost over! So crazy.. it went by so incredibly crazy fast.  Anyways... Thanksgiving is upon us once more!! Happy day!
 I recently came to the realization that a lot of major things have happened to me around Thanksgiving time, or right beforehand. Mostly, Thanksgiving reminds me of home-comings. As I have been counting down the days to go home and see my family and spend time with my siblings, I got to thinking about how thankful I am for Thanksgiving!


Thanksgiving. I actually looked up that word to see what other people define it as and this is what I got: "The expression of gratitude, especially to God." Yes. That's what I would call it. Besides it being a feast with turkeys and can-shaped cranberry jelly... it's an expression of gratitude to God.  


I think the first time that I actually realized how thankful I was for what I had was Thanksgiving of 2006. I was 15 years old, a sophomore in high school and had just experienced my first trip out of the U.S.
 China is a beautiful country, the people are kind, and there's much to see. But, my experience in China made me realize a lot of things I had that other people don't have. Also, being without things I had made me more thankful for them. I missed things like drinking out of a faucet, sunshine, and quietness. I remember when I got home I took a notebook and pen and made a list of everything I was thankful for and it came out to be a list of over 200 different things. Although I still take some of those things i wrote down for granted, I am really thankful that God has blessed me with them. 


The next Thanksgiving, I was 16 years old, a junior at the public high school, and experiencing the realness of God in crazy new ways. It was at that time that my friends from youth group and I were visiting and helping at the homeless shelter in Omaha, Nebraska every Friday night that we could. God was showing up and moving in our hearts and I was thankful for the new life that I had found in Christ. Not that I hadn't believed in God before I saw God working in Omaha, but my heart and my life was far from where Christ wanted me to be, and so I had a homecoming that was like no other. My heart had finally returned to God and I was home. :)


*fast forward* 
October of my senior year in high school. I was 17 years old and my fragile world was about to fall off of a cliff. I would say that October 19th was when everything shattered. After having spent the night on the floor of a sparsely furnished apartment next to my bronchitis infected sister with not so much as even a blanket to keep us warm, I and my 5 younger siblings found ourselves thrown into the most chaotic situation of our lives. 
My younger siblings and I were given 15 minutes to pack clothes and school books to last us for an unknown amount of time. From there, we were divided into two separate vehicles and before we knew it, we were bound for a little dairy farm in South Dakota that we would call "home" for the next bunch of weeks. We had no communication with our friends, parents, or other siblings. As the oldest, I was told not to cry and not to let on to the youngest children that anything was wrong so as not to frighten them. I remember the first night on the floor of this small office that I was now to call my room, my 7 year old sister asleep next to me, feeling so cut off from everyone and so confused as to what had all the sudden happened. All I wanted was to go home. I wanted my bed back. I wanted my house back. I wanted my friends back . I wanted my parents back. I don't think I have ever experienced a greater pain nor have I wept more than the night that my world, as I knew it, was taken and turned completely up-side-down. As much as I wanted to be angry, I think I found myself more in a state of complete broken-ness. I had nothing. Not only that, to add to my misery, I had caught whatever sickness my sister had. 
I remember how hard it was to hold in all the tears that wanted to spill out of my eyes everyday. I remember how I didn't know what to say when one of the little boys asked "Fernie, where's mommy and daddy?" or "Fernie, how long are we going to be here?" 
I remember how sad I was that no one knew and that I could not tell them. 


I don't know if any of you have ever lost everything you had and were swept out the door, carried to another land, and told it was your home for an unknown period of time.. but let me tell you... it's really super awful. Words do not even describe how awful. I would not wish it on even my greatest enemy.  So, while I was trying to stay distracted in my new found home, I was reading in Psalms for my Bible study, and I happened to be studying Psalm 126.  The first verse " When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed." That was the first thing that stuck out to me. The Israelites and been taken captive by the Babylonians and they were far from their home and some of them lost family members and what not. So right from the get-go.. I identified with them. Going home was like a dream I had. It was all I wanted. But it was a dream in the distance and not very realistic, especially for the first few weeks of being there. 
So the chapter goes on to talk about how happy they were to be home. But then at the end it says:
Those who sow with tears
   will reap with songs of joy.
 Those who go out weeping,
   carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
   carrying sheaves with them.

That.. is a promise from God. Not a dream. Not a wish. A promise. And let me tell you.. I was sowing plenty of tears. And it was SO true. And, it's not like living in South Dakota was  miserable for the entire time we were there; We learned to enjoy it and think of it as an extremely long spontaneous vacation where we had to do school.
Anyways..  It was a week before Thanksgiving when my siblings and I were finally given the ok to come home. 
We drove into the glorious driveway close to 5 pm on a wednesday night. My parents greeted us at the door with open arms, there was fire in the wood stove, Mom's fresh soup on the stove and we were home for permanent! It was the most joyful homecoming I have ever experienced in my life :) PTL. 
That Thanksgiving was one of the best I've had. :) :) 

Then of course, last Thanksgiving was a different kind of home-coming.
College is kind of a strange concept. Moving away from home and only coming back for the holidays and all. Thanksgiving last year was special because it was my first time home since September 13th and I had missed my family a lot. 


So, after that little trip down Memory Lane, I am even more thankful for what I have and can look forward to this Thanksgiving with joy, knowing that God has done great things for me! 


Psalm 69:30
I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with 
thanksgiving.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

A Call to Love

 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13

It's amazing how God uses certain situations to get your attention. And equally amazing how easy it for us to turn our attention away from Christ. I think, with it being halloween and what not, the spiritual warfare that takes place around us becomes more apparent. As of last night, I think I decided I officially very greatly dislike halloween. 
I don't think very many people know how halloween started, thus, I shall enlighten you : The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter. (History.com) 

So, it is not to go unsaid that there is definite spiritual connotations behind the whole event. 
And I'm not saying that dressing up in costumes and enjoying being someone else for a day is bad. Not at all. But what is it that attracts people to doctor's coats covered in blood, headless bodies, distorted, mangled, gory, disturbing, disfigured costumes and characters. Also, if halloween was just a costume party day.. why so many witches and skeletons?  
It makes me wince. Growing up, I was protected from the halloween spirit and celebration and I am really thankful for that. I think that I am easily frightened. 

But here's the thing..We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. 
      God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ( 1 John 4:13-18) 


Reading that tells me, that I have no reason to be frightened, yes? Last night I attended a halloween dance party thing. It wasn't something that I had particularly looked forward to attending beforehand and not something that I expected to enjoy, so I really wasn't disappointed in being there. But, I didn't like being there. As I stood surrounded by many different personas and characters, it was fun to see how well people had carefully constructed and pulled off being someone completely other than their usual self. What I didn't like, was how some of my friends had somehow transformed into bloody corpses with demonic faces. :(  I think part of my discouragement in lasts night's event, was that I like security. I like to know that when I attend a Christian event, I will not be frightened. But that's where I had set my expectations in the wrong place. Other this event being hosted by a campus ministry.. there really was no indication or announcement that it would be a Christ-based event. So I'm not really sure why I expected it to be different. It was just people gettin' together, drinking non-alcoholic soda and doing whatever it is you do at a normal halloween party. 
When the first round of dance music with explicit words and lyrics came around, I found myself seeking solitude at the campfire out side and away from the music. Apart from the one other person at the fire who was using profanities up and down the block to describe the fire and his general opinion of life, the fire was really lovely. I could see the stars from where I sat and I really love the smell of fire and the heat it offers when the air is so cold.
As I sat and contemplated why exactly God had it in his plan that I would come here in spite of my knowing that I would not enjoy it. It occurred to me that perhaps God wanted to give me an opportunity to love people no matter what. My tendency when people disappoint me, or hurt me, or make me feel sad, is to cut them off, shut them out, and walk away.  I learned in high school, that this reaction really has disastrous consequences and is possibly one of the worst ways to handle that kind of situation. 
People are not perfect. We all do things that do not glorify God. 
I really didn't like being frightened by some of the costumes at the party. But, there is no fear in love. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 
I would like to say that I love every body all the time. But I don't. And I was more than aware of that fact while I was sitting by the fire. I wasn't really loving the people behind the masks.

It always amazing me when God uses object lessons in real life. I was looking at the masks that the people were wearing, and letting their grotesque images define whether I loved them or not.  But, God calls us to look beyond that masks that people put on and love them for who they are. I don't even know who was behind some of the masks last night. I just know that I saw them, didn't like them, and refused to allow myself to get close to them.. or let them approach me. Some of them were probably a friend of mine... and I imagine they probably didn't really appreciate me ducking away from them. 

So this would be the lesson that God is working in my heart right now: We need God's perfect love to be poured into our imperfect hearts. And there is no room for fear when we are filled with His perfect love. And above all else, we are called to love those around us, no matter what mask they wear, what words come out of their mouth, and what music they choose to listen to. God sees them as precious. God sees US as precious. 

We love because at one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior (Titus 3: 3-6)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A gentle whisper

Send me a sign
A hint, O whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
'Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels' wings

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?


I don't really know where to start. Some times, God does incredible things to get your attention and some times.. He does something so subtle, yet so beautiful that you can do nothing more than fall on your knees, put your face on the ground and worship Him. 
What was this subtle thing you may ask? It was a still small voice. Let's back up a little bit.. 
In 1 Kings, there was this guy named Elijah and he loved God. He did wonderful and amazing things through the power of God. In 1 Kings 18, he sacrificed to God and God lit his offering on fire even after Elijah had dumped lots and lots of water on it. After that, 300 prophets of Baal were killed and Elijah was so empowered by God that he out ran a chariot that was 18 miles ahead of him.  That's INCREDIBLE. But even after all that, Elijah was still afraid and hid in a cave! That is where we shall pick up the story..


The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
 Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:11-13)



Yep, so... I would have to say that I am much like Elijah. These past few weeks, I have felt super close to God. Just filled with the Spirit and His love and empowered by his Grace. God has just been doing amazing things and has been using me in incredible ways that blow my mind! And after all that... I am still afraid. 


If I'm being honest, I would say insecurity is one of my biggest struggles. I'm super sensitive to how people view me. I have surrounded myself with many wonderful Christian friends and God has blessed me with a wonderful Christian community here on campus. But I struggle with letting that be one of my greater sources of joy. Now, God placed my friends in my life to give me joy.. this is true. But, God is the greater source of joy. 
The thing is, friends, as wonderful as they are.. they're not perfect. As kind and loving and encouraging as they are, they cannot love me as much as God has created me to be loved. God keeps whispering to me in the quietness of my heart "I love you. Fern... I love you!"
And when I place my security in the love of my friends or family, I just feel like I have to try harder, be better, and say "right words" in order to be good enough. 


Now, I know this is not true. That I don't have to try to earn love. But at the same time, I think we all try, even a little, to gain respect or compliments or approval by doing or say something that would encourage affection. But, God is ALWAYS always there and always wanting to love no matter what. That's the wonderfullest thing ever! Because we don't have to do ANYthing to encourage His affections for us. He already loves us more than we can possible imagine!! Ahh! It's an amazing thing to realize. :) 
Like Elijah, I think I am much tempted to hide in a cave even after God shows up and does wonderful amazing things. And then God comes and says, "What are you doing here?"
I've never really thought about this before.. but for as many times as we question God and ask "why!??" how much more right HE has to be asking us that question. And the truth of it is... we don't have a good answer. 


This morning as I was doing my quiet time with God and I wrote, " suddenly I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark and crashing into walls and falling over hidden snares." I must stop and ask myself.. how'd I get there? It was just two weeks ago that I felt like I was running with God. It was then that I wrote, "Sometimes we run in the dark and sometimes in the storm. And Christ, who is the light, is running ahead of us, leading us through this tricky obstacle course where things reach out to entangle our feet and trip us up. And when we trip, Christ reaches down to give us a hand up and then, as a friend offers to support you when you twist an ankle, Christ carries us, limping and bruised until we are able to start running again." Mmmm... last week, when I was walking to a building on campus, I got distracted by some people cleaning a building. I took my eyes off of where I was going and I tripped. I went down on the pavement and my phone flew out in front of me and I was so embarrassed. It's not often that you see an adult trip and sprawl out on the pavement..but it happens. God for sure has a sense of humor. Not that He found it funny that I super biffed it on the pavement.. but that He chose to show me in my every day life what I do in my every day walk with him. I trip. Sometimes it's a stumble.. subtle, but still slowing down the walk... and sometimes.. it's a full out, hardcore, face plant. 


It's also interesting that it's called a face plant. We are called to humility, and with that, we must takes our place on our face. How often do you see how people fell on their face before God in the Bible. There is no room for God when we are filled with pride. Turn that sentence around and you get that there is no room for pride when we are filled with God. 
Now, to bring it back together, I think a lot of my insecurity stems from pride. It is so easy for me to take pride in all my wonderful friend blessings and family blessings. God gave them as a gift, but he is still there beside me saying, "I love you more. I will always be here to love you more." :) Psalm 37: 3 says, " Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."  God has this wonderful pasture of security in store for me, for us, but our insecurities cause stubbornness. It's something the Israelites struggled with as well. Hosea 4:16 says, "The Israelites are stubborn, like a stubborn heifer. How then can the LORD pasture them like lambs in a meadow?" 


Here's what we get from that: while we are tripping in the dark, stumbling around and getting all scraped up asking God, "Why? Why don't you do anything??" God is probably asking "What can I do if you so insist on doing things yourself?"


Solution:  Let go, let God.  :)


You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening

Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring

All around the rush of angels


O the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome










Romans 8:31-39 (New International Version)


 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.




Sunday, October 17, 2010

For Such a time as this

Esther 4:14For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"


I am generally content with life. Generally...but not today. 
After a trying week, an exhausting weekend, and major/minor frustrations sprinkled on top.. I returned myself to my dorm room this afternoon to catch up on some sleep. 


While my glorious and much needed nap lasted for a solid 3 hours (Praise Jesus!).. I awoke with a rather restless feeling. What on earth am I doing here at school?? Why am I in college? What is my purpose?


Now.. on a normal day, if you were to ask me "Fern.. what is your purpose in life?" i would say "To glorify God. To serve Him, and share him with those around me." True as it is.. do I follow through with that everyday? By no means. I fall short of that everyday. How often do I verbally share Christ with someone else? I do not recall the last time, and it greatly disturbs me. I do not feel like I have accomplished anything...at all. 
At this moment.. I feel much like I have wasted much time. My life is but a vapor in the wind and I'm not sure if it is not watering anything as it blows quickly by. :(
To be honest.. I do not think there are words to describe how I truly feel. I very greatly enjoy college very much. I enjoy the opportunities to meet people and make new friends every day. I enjoy the campus..it's beautiful! I love that i live close to two of my dear sisters and can build a relationship with them. BUT... why am I here? 


What does a degree mean? A secure job? A secure future? Surely not. For my security is in Christ who has given me a hope and a future. In all this business with the college of ed, being a little behind in school, and contemplating my purpose in life. It has been suggested to me 3 different times by  3 completely different people who most like have never met each other in their entire lives, that I should look into overseas missions. Now, as awesome and epic as I have heard overseas mission work to be.. I have never felt called to leave this country. After all, America is also in darkness and needs Christians who are not afraid to share their faith while it is still free to share. 
But then again... I have found myself to be much adventurous. And let me tell you, following God is truly the most joy-filled adventure EVER!! Not to say that the everyday life of a college student is not an adventure... But how much more is out there to experience. (Yeah.. that was a statement.. not a question)


 I feel like the stereo-typical missionary moves to deepest darkest Africa , lives in a mud-houses, doesn't find it strange to see a lion in the back yard, and is pictured with some native dude covered in war paint and has facial piercings like they were a human pin cushion. And that.. really does sounds like a super wonderful adventure.. don't get me wrong! But, I am not typical. It is not enough! Africa has been spinning around in my head for the last few weeks though.. how epic would that be? Africa! But then.. today.. I was thinkin.. I want to go to India!.. and everywhere else. 
Isaiah 49:6 says "He says, 'it is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of jacob and bring back those of Israel i have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."
Oh man.. the whollllllllllllle earth! How epic... to follow God all over the world. To be called to the WHOLE world. Not just one little spot.. not just one little time.. but  the WHOLE word.. ALL the time. :D !!!


But here's the thing... while I feel called all  over the world.. I don't feel called to drop out of school forsake all else and crawl into a dark hole in Africa until I'm 40. 
No, there is much work to be done here before I go to another part of the world. 
On my campus.. there are many countries represented. All I gotta do is trust God and reach out. :)


I have no need to worry over my present, or my future. 
Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you 
hope and a future.

Proverbs 23:18
There is surely a 
future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.