If the fail blog didn't already exist, I'd probably rename this one. I have a great tendency to start lots of things...and then just not finish or keep up with them..
Paintings for example...I love painting! But I have 5...FIVE canvasses that have been started and not finished. I put in a good 7 hours on one of them yesterday, so I'm making progress...but I lack motivation to keep going on the others. Partly because of the time it take to detail, and partly because I've been way too easily discouraged lately. By everything.
But painting is one way that I choose to glorify God...since all our abilities come from him, obviously. I am constantly amazed that he painted the whole universe in just 6 days when I can't even paint a 36x40 inch canvas in a month. I don't claim any talent in painting. It's all The Lord.
My heart is in such an odd place right now. I think it's cracking under the weight of the great many blessings with which The Lord has been overwhelming me. Too say The Lord has been good to me wouldn't even be a drop of the ocean He has bestowed upon me. But the sand is quickly dropping its last grains as my time is just a few short weeks more. WEEKS guys.
But we've been making "what to do" lists. I have 4 now...pages long. There's a list for my roommates and I with my Kalona friends, one for the few short days that my cousins will be in town. One for the month I'm in storm lake with my cousins and one for the planned trip to South Dakota.
I think I'm afraid to complete or accomplish everything on the list because it will be over. I don't want things to be over. I feel like I've already said this too many times,though, and that people are getting sick of my depressive thoughts on moving. Sorry not sorry. I just love my friends a lot.
In the mean time, though, so much life! Every day is a new adventure! Every day is a new opportunity to grow in my faith and walk closer to God. Everyday I'm surrounded by my best east friends and every day my heart feels whole and happy and loved. I am the most content I have ever been.
But I don't mind that my heart must break again. The depth of comfort The Lord pours out makes the pain kind of joyful, even though its not especially fun. If nothing else, I look forward to The Lord re-healing my heart and loving me in a new way, through a new brokenness.
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But for an update on my life since my blogging is so sporadic, it's coming to the end of May. Obviously. I have been working every day. Nannying. I've enjoyed it, but am ready to move past it. I've had ten too many awkward encounters and the fact that I had any at all was too much, plus, I mean, college grad...there's more to life than feeling like a terrible parent before you have any kids of your own. It's been good, mostly. But I've eaten the grass of these pastures and I'm needing a little more nutritional value. I've already said moms don't get enough credit. It can't be said enough,
There's a lot of work that goes into kids. Picking one up cuz it's crying only to set them quickly down to stop another from putting a penny in an outlet. There's also the parts where they lock you in their bedrooms, sit on the puppy, color on the wall, put oatmeal in their hair, throw toys at the window, run around naked whilst refusing to put on clothes, empty the baby's toy shelf into the trash can, trail play doh on the carpet, wake up the dad who just worked a nightshift, scream bloody murder, and pee on the rug.
It comes with the territory, obviously, they're kids. But lately, I've felt more like I'm babysitting a house whilst miniature tornadoes defeat all my efforts to keep things together. Mostly, I just know I'm not good enough to be ...this. A home keeper upper, or a "mom". Which is an end goal of mine eventually, but I'm not cut out for it yet. Not that I think I ever will be, really. But it makes me more content to wait for that phase of life...and by content I mean that I praise Jesus every day that he has yet to fulfill my calling to be a mother. "Take your time, Jesus, I'm in no hurry!"
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I went to Florida last week. For a few days, to visit my sister. 7 of us Kohl kids reunited in Ft. Meyers and it was delightful. We hiked through a slough, we walked by the ocean, we met some turtles, we swam with dolphins, we met up with cousins, played cards, had a bonfire, biked around an island, soaked up the sun, had a giant sleep over, read our bibles together, prayed together, swing danced on a cobblestone downtown area and cuddled as much as the heat would allow. It was a full week! Full of fun, full of joy, full of laughter, full of life.
Besides that, my life has been filled with people! Almost every day someone has come into our home or we've gone into theirs. I love having an open door to everyone and that people feel obliged to come through it. I love when our living room is filled with laughter or conversations about Jesus. I love that The Lord lives in our house and that we have a place to bless people with as they come and go. My mom taught me that. About hospitality, that is. She is a great hostess. The best I know. Guys, have people over! It's so fun! It trumps Facebook, it trumps video games, it trumps texting, it trumps a life excluded from the world. I understand introvert time, I encourage it..but if you have yet to experience the joy of true fellowship...you're missing a slice of cheesecake life that tastes better than anything you've had before.
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*sigh* two more hours of work and I'm home free, well...I'm home long enough to grab a quick supper, throw my roommate into my car and then go plant potatoes at a friends house. And then...idk what. We'll life together for a few hours.
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I think I'll use the next two hours to clean up the magic tiles and the kitchen set play food, the books, the cars, the musical instruments, the hat box, the rain boots, the crayons, the magazines, the shoes, the clothes, and everything else scattered around the floor.. And I'll feed the kiddos more cheese and rescue the dog that's getting ridden like a horse by the one year old.
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