Greater Things Are Yet to Come

I remember my first couple weeks on campus at The University of Iowa as a freshman. I kept asking myself what the heck I was doing. I was homesick. More than anything, I felt the loss of hope that this city has. 

Iowa City is a dark place. It's known for the drinking and the partying and everything of this world. I've heard it called the Sin City of the Midwest...that's a pretty good description of it. Finding other genuine believers was close to impossible and even in my first few weeks I was well aware of the tension between the ministries on campus. Everyone who went to one believed their ministry was the best and not the other. You could check out other ministries if you wanted to but, really, don't because the other ministries aren't as good as the one trying to sell you on them. I hated it. I was so discouraged, especially coming from the shelter of being home schooled as well as having been raised in a super solid church and having been blessed with solid believing friends for the previous several years of my life.  

One fine day much like the last two days where it was starting to be Fall but still sunny and warm, I found myself with some time to kill before my environmental science lab. I had my iPod on shuffle and I didn't know what all songs were on there since my brother had put them on it. I was just kinda wandering around the T. Anne Cleary walkway area listening to my worship music and asking the Lord to give me a taste of joy in such a dark place. It was in that moment that the song "God of This City" by Chris Tomlin came on. I had never heard it before but it was incredible. 

If you don't know it, it goes a like this:

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God 

For greater things have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this City 
Greater thing have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this City 

Oh my goodness. I was all the sudden caught up in a moment with God. I remember so clearly how the words drown out all the noise of the people rushing from class to class and I just felt like God had reached down and put His hand on my shoulder and was like, "Have hope Fern, I've got plans for this place. Great plans. There's going to be a change." I was all the sudden overcome with joy and hope. I kept thinking, "Yeah, God's going to do great things in this place. The darker this place is, the brighter God's light will shine." It was so good! After I got out of my lab I had another time gap(Freshman schedule planning..) and decided to listen to the song some more because it was so encouraging to me. 
I then found my sitting on a chair in the lobby of Burge pleasantly listening away. A white guy with a crazy afro just plopped himself down in the chair across from me and motioned at me that he wanted to say something. I took my earphones out and looked at him the way any confused and suddenly awkward-feeling person would and he was like:
"Nice shirt! Are you a Christian??," with a lot of enthusiasm.
 So I looked down and realized I was wearing a "Christian" shirt that had a crown of thorns on it and so I looked back at him still feeling a little taken aback and said:
"Thank you. Why yes I am!" 
 He smiled and he seemed like he just had a crazy amount of energy and was like:
 "That is AWESOME! Me too!! And I just feel like God is gonna do something great in this City. He's just gonna do awesome things!"
" :O! No way! I was just listening to a song about that!" 
"Really?? That's so cool! What's your name?"
"My name is Fern Kohl. What's yours?"
"Gerry Redlinger."
"Where do you go to church?"
"Parkview"
"What? Me too!"
"That's so awesome! God is awesome!"

I think we chatted for a little bit after that and we exchanged phone numbers. Or.. sorta we did. I gave him mine and he called me to give me his but my phone was dead so all that I actually got as proof that the conversation had actually happened and I hadn't imagined it was the voicemail he left me while i was still sitting across from him. I was *so* encouraged by the dude and I didn't see him for a long time after that actually. Not for at least a whole year. But that brief encounter was SO great. I just gave me hope and joy because there was someone else in Iowa City that loved Jesus and believed that God was gonna do great things here. It wasn't too much later that I heard a rumor that Salt Company at Iowa State was gonna plant in Iowa City. (God is SO faithful!)

I joined Salt when it came a year later but that was a messy awful troublesome business. Remember I said how the ministries didn't get along? Well, they didn't take too kindly to any new ones showing up on their already-claimed turf. The transitioning from one ministry to another was painful on account of how many "friends" I no longer had as a result. It was painful because I was literally boo'd and criticized and  scorned. It was painful because these were believers that were not being accepting and their was a great sense of disunity in the ministries across campus. More than that, there was animosity. 

I remember attending Monday Morning Prayer and just praying that there would be a change. That the animosity would leave and that unity would someday happen. 

Did I mention God is faithful?? He is SO faithful! :) :) Let me tell you about my friend Jessica. I met her freshman year and she was so legit about her faith. Sophomore year she felt like God had laid it on her heart to lead See You At the Pole. So she did!And she did it the next year too! I was always to amazed to see her passion in seeing the ministries come together. She wanted to see unity and she worked at it. 
This year she has transferred to another school and one day she texted me and asked if I wouldn't mind heading it up this year. I agreed not totally sure what I was getting myself into. Little did I know, God was inviting me on an adventure! :) :)

Jessica suggested I find myself a sophomore who could help to take over next year on account of I'm a senior. I thought that was a good idea. I prayed about it a little and I kept thinking of this one legit sophomore dude who is a natural leader but I was like, "Nahh...I can't ask him. I'm probs only thinking he'd be great because he's one of my new friends" So instead, I just decided to ask all the leaders in Salt  if any of them would like to help out. God is so funny. The legit sophomore dude was like "I'm in" within, like, 5 minutes of my post. Ahh.. God is just.. great. So anyways, not only did I have someone to help me lead, I was able to find students in other ministries that were so on board with it too and were willing to help lead in various ways. Unity. Thats what we wanted. That's what we were striving for. 

After much advertising and prepping and attempts at organizing, the day finally arrived!! My alarm went off at 5:50am and I don't think I've ever been more excited to get up so early. God was going to do something great!! 

Oh my goodness! If you weren't there, I wish you could have been. I was standing on the Old Capitol steps as it was getting close to 7am and people just starting coming from all directions in groups of twos and threes and 5s and more! People just kept showing up. In the end there ending up being over 60 believers gathered together to pray for an awakening. They prayed for the students. They prayed for the faculty. They prayed for the professors and teachers. And! They prayed for eachother. (I just got Holy Spirit chills). Ministry prayed over ministry. Encouragement was spoken, joy was there. God was with us doing great things!

There is no one like our God!

For greater things are yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city. 

Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am with them~Matt 18:20

Autumn Updates

It's fall! Officially! As of this past Saturday and it is beautiful! :) 

What a crazy week it has been. I can't believe it is Monday again already. So last week, I had 4 exams..that wasn't too bad. Well, it was kind of rough, but it was rough for more than just the exams. 
On Monday last week, (Day of exam #1) I was not feeling well at all. Occasionally I'll get something in my food that is not Fern-friendly and it makes me sick and so I concluded there must have been some weekend cross-contamination and that the sick feeling would leave in a day or so. It didn't. 

Tuesday I woke up feeling nauseous and exhausted. I had two exams to worry about that day so I did my best to push it aside. I wasn't hungry and attempted water in the morning but found myself throwing up and thus decided that eating and drinking nothing would be my best move for the day as the exams were most important. On my way to my first class of the day I found myself experiencing quite a bit of pain on my left side in my back. It wasn't a muscle.. it was a more internal pain. I only have one kidney and it resides on my left side and automatically assumed it was kidney related. Sometimes I get pain there and it generally leaves after a couple minutes so I pushed that aside too. Except it got worse. After my first class was done I called my mom and had her read to my kidney stone symptoms so I could get an idea for what might be going on. While it was quite painful, it didn't feel worse than breaking a bone and so I wasn't sure what it was. I felt quite hot and my classmates told me I was white as a sheet. I just felt awful. I had two exams back to back and so when I finished my last one @ 4pm I walked straight to urgent care and checked in. In the 40 minutes that I waited I imagined that my kidney was finally giving out on me after 21 years of faithful service. 
The doctor at urgent care ran some tests and asked some questions. She said everything pointed to a kidney stone but they wanted more tests done so she sent me to the ER. 

My lovely sister who is a nurse, lives only 20 minutes from me and offered to come drive me to the ER so I didn't have to be alone. I accepted her offer and shortly thereafter we found ourselves sitting in room 20 waiting for the next doctor to come ask questions and such. It wasn't too long before the med student came and did his interrogation as well as poking and poundings on my back and tummy. After he left, my sister decided to entertain herself by opening the drawers to the desk in our waiting room and explaining to me what all the instruments were as she pulled them out and held them up for me to see. It was during one such moment that she was holding some odd contraption in her hand when the med student came back and she quickly shoved the thing back in the drawer and halfway got it shut before the fellow walked in. He kindly asked for clarification on one of the questions he had asked earlier and then turned to leave. He hesitated some and turned to say to my sister, "you can go back to exploring" and then left. 

After going through all the drawers, my sister was bored again and decided to use the whiteboard medical chart for pictionary. I was a great guesser. :) It was while she was coloring on this board that the med student returned again and this time, with a doctor. 
The doctor asked her own questions and then decided to do a CT scan to find the stone and also an IV as well as a painkiller via IV. Needles are not kind to me and my veins are difficult to find and so I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of an IV. While waiting again, my sister decided to show me how to find veins for IVs and thus opened one of the drawers she had previously explored and pulled out a tourniquet and we thus practiced on each other. Fortunately, no one caught us this time. :)

Bruise from bad IV 5 days later

The most painful part of all of it, though, besides my kidney, was the IV. The first attempt went bad and it was so incredibly painful. 

The second attempt at IV went great and I soon got to sit and wait while the bag dripped steadily and supplied me with fluids. 

After all the hours in the ER it was discovered that the kidney pain was related to my bum intestines being swollen and pushing on my kidney that is also quite large on account of if doing the work of two kidneys. Well thank goodness my kidney still functions properly. That would have been a bummer thing to have to replace. 
However, in the meanwhile, I have to take some potions that help my intestines along as well as eat fruits. Since I haven't been eating fruit the last 4 months on account of the sugar, it has been a rough week having to eat it because it makes feel so sick. I'm going to see a GI specialist on Thursday and hopefully I'll get more things figured out soon. For now, the kidney pain stopped yesterday and the nausea left yesterday evening. Hopefully this week I feel a little better. :)

Also!! Last weekend we had out Bible study's God stories night!! My roommate and I just had a sleepover at our house and hung out, ate food, played some games and told our God stories. What an awesome night!! How our unity has strengthened even from just telling our stories and the hard things we've gone through and are going through and will go through.  

These girls are awesome!! They have really done a great job in making each other feel welcomed and I can sense the love and unity that they all share with each other. I know the Lord is going to do great things this year in our study! How blessed I am to be a part of such a great story that is being written!

If it were finals week...

If it were finals week I'd be saying "One down, three to go." And then I'd have this great hope of not having any more classes to attend after having taking an exam for every class in the same week. 

Unfortunately, while I do have an exam for every class this week that holds almost the same weight as a final, I still must attend class and turn in homework assignments and take quizzes and do life. I'm not complaining though. I have not felt especially stressed thus far. I think my Developmental Psych exam went well but I'm worried for Research Methods and Bio Psych tomorrow :/ Those classes are not my forte. How ever! I'm enjoying that it is fall! There's a pleasant sort of chill in the air as well as ominous clouds that were so kind as to water the sidewalks earlier today. While I dislike being cold, there is a lot of cozy feelings that come when one is warmed up again after being cold. Right now I'm lying on my floor in front of a space heater. :) Just warming up before I head back to campus for an other class at 5:30. :)  I'm so excited for this week to end because all of these exams will be behind me. 

It always looks like a bomb went off when I get to studying. I tend to lay on the floor and surround myself with my notes. Never mind sitting at my desk. 

The New Best Birthday

I'm 21!! I'm quite excited at this fact. :) I feel like I have reached a good mile stone. I don't drink... and I couldn't drink even if I wanted to with the current health issues that I have, but I'm excited all the same. 

I had THEE best birthday ever! I've had a lot of great birthdays, but for real, this one was my favorite!
Firstly, I just felt SO loved the whole day.. and even the days leading up to it because of the effort my roommates made toward making it special. 

You see, I'm sick. I would say that there's a ton of things I can't eat, but I think it's easier to just say.. there's not a whole lot of things I can eat. (same thing ha) BUT!! I have this one incredible roommate who figured out how to make a gluten free, starch free, dairy free, sugar free cupcake for my birthday and it was one of the most amazing things I've tasted in a reallllly long time. 

I feel so loved when people try to make food that is safe for me. My roommate could have easily sprinkled cinnamon and Stevia on a ricecake and called it good, but she researched recipes and went out and found the safe ingredients and I was so blessed and am so thankful. :) 

Also on my birthday, (since I'm talking about being sick), I went to see a doctor and while he had some ideas, he couldn't tell for sure what might be wrong so he set me up with a specialist. Unfortunately they made my appointment on the day I have the two biggest exams of my lot of 4 this week and so I'm working on rescheduling. (The last 13 times I tried calling I got a computer message that said the circuits were busy and I should try again later). So.. more to come on that. But the update is..there is something wrong and I think I'm getting worse. I've been more sick this last week than I've been for a while and there's no apparent cause as I've kept up the candida diet for the last 5 months. 

Anyways.. after the doctor, I did various things in town that included getting help with some research methods homework, taking a quiz, and opening up a new bank account. The bank part was really a lot of fun because when they found out it was my birthday they had the bank president come out and give me a present. :) :) And then they were telling everyone they walked past that it was my birthday and so I was told "happy birthday" by many a stranger. It was so fun. :) 

And then! I marched myself home and there was a pleasant sort of knock at my door and there I was presented with the biggest most beautifullest vase of flowers I've every been given!

There was, of course, no name on the card and so I pondered over who the mystery sender could be. Josh had already given me a birthday present and I stood there quite baffled as to who could possibly wish to send me such a beautiful bouquet in honor of my birthday. I was a little suspicious and texted Josh just to make sure and he admitted to it. :) :)

He's so great! Aren't they beautiful? They're so beautiful. I love them a lot. I love flowers and these are perfect. But the real beautiful thing was the Bible.

You see, I hunted for a new Bible over the summer as the one I got from my parents when I was 16 has been so well used that it's falling to pieces. Also, it's missing. I brought it to camp with me in July and it disappeared. I have heard rumors from family members that I did make it home, but the last time I was home I searched high and low and there was no sign of it any where. So in the meanwhile I've been lugging around my bigger, heavier one but have stopped carrying a Bible in my backpack because it's too heavy. BUT! Now I have a little one again and it is beautiful. Beautiful enough to make me cry at the first sight of it. It's perfect. Aren't I blessed? I'm so blessed. Josh is a blessing. 

So after I got the flowers there was some relaxing, school catching uppings, and party prepping. I haven't intentionally gotten together with more than one friend at a time (unless you count the Petersons celebrating with me.. but they're like family) for my birthday since I was 10. Except for my sophomore year of college when I didn't have any friends and my new Bible study leaders threw me a waffle party and invited girls from my Bible study and I recruited Reed Palmer and Jordan miller as friends so that I didn't look totally pathetic. This year, I had friends and they came to my house to make me feel loved. :) :) I felt SO loved. They were all so creative. 

These we're just great. The beer one gets extra display because I found it so funny that I laughed out loud. And look ^ my friends know me and my love for Sign Language! :) Isn't that cute? It says, "We love you" for those of you who don't read finger spelling. 

I am just overwhelming blessed. My day was so filled with joy and laughter and great times! 

Thankyou to everyone who contributed to making me feel so valued and loved on my birthday!! Even if it was just a wallpost on my facebook wall, it made me smile and feel loved. Thank you all so much!!

Let Me Be Singing when the Evening Comes

I love the song 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman. The semester is in full swing now with upcoming class debates, ASL projects, exams, quizzes, assignments, homework... phew! It's full! On top of that, there's other things in my life like co-leading a Bible study, serving at the home game concession stands, decipleship meetings, leader's meetings, one-on-one meetings with Bible study girls, the fact that there is something terribly wrong with my intestines and 10,000 other things that I feel like I have to juggle.
But, the more i have, the more I need God and the more I am blessed. My heart is still so in love with the Father and I am blessed to feel the presence of God with me all the time. Sometimes, I worry. I struggle with the fear that I will one day wake up and I won't feel it. I will cry out (as I've done many times before) "Where are you?" and He will patiently point out to me that he's waiting beside the hole that I've jumped into with a rope and first aide kit at the ready so He can pull me out and clean the cuts and bruises from my fall. I worry about the day I will forget to go to Him when I am overwhelmed or when someone has caused me pain. It has happened before and it has lead me into times of despair and emptiness and brokenness. 
There is a war going on and I am in the heat of the battle. My time is committed to a million different things and it gets easier and easier to push "Time alone with God" to the bottom of my to-do list. The funny thing about that is that He is my Armor bearer. More than that, He is my rear guard. Why would I go into battle without first suiting up in the best armor there is and making sure I have my comrade in arms at my side? But still, I know there will be a day or two or three where I will run out the door totally unprepared for what the day will throw at me and I will be wounded. And after that, maybe I will remember to go back to the Great Doctor, or maybe I will decide I won't have time and I will stay wounded and the infection will set in. 
I truly hope this is a hypothetical scenerio. But I've been there an done that.. more than once. I've burned out, dried out, worn down, become exhausted. For now, my prayer is that it won't be me. Not this time. Not this semester. Not this year.  I will fight to keep my heart alive. I will fight to keep the joy that the Lord has so richly lavished upon me. I will fight to be aware of God's presence. I will fight to stay out of the mud. And the Lord will fight with me. More than that, He will fight for me. He will go before me and He will be my rear guard. And when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear nothing. 



The sun comes upIts a new day dawningIts time to sing your song againWhat ever may pass and whatever lies before meLet me be singing when the evening comes

Happy September!

Hello!! My apologies for the severe lackage of postings as of late. Quite ironic since in the last few weeks I've gotten a lot of encouragement from people who say they read this and want me to keep posting. 
That was, of course, not intentional that I began slacking off and I hope to keep this updated as best I can. 

However, with my course load and other various commitments I've made, we'll see how well I do. :) Anyways, my life. It has changed quite a bit since last year at this time. In fact, I'd venture to say that I am 180 degrees different from last september. My goodness how the Lord has worked miracles in my heart and grown me in SUCH big ways! Almost a year ago exactly I was posting my thoughts on my disappointing summer and of all the ways I had fallen short at my job as a summer camp counselor. I have sense removed that post for several reasons, including the fact that my heart was wounded and infected and  it needed some gauze and disinfectant rather than public exposure. 

I think I spent all last school year attempting to recover from such a dark summer and, try as I might, I was never able to feel whole again no matter what I tried. I ended my Spring semester feeling empty, numb, and exhausted. Fortunately for me, the Lord reached down with His mighty hands and placed a beautiful present in my lap and I imagine that He was just beaming with joy as He watched me unwrap it and enjoy it. 

That glorious gift was my time spent at The Bridge of Storm Lake this summer. I am still just so giddy at how I was blessed over the summer by having the opportunities to pour myself out and serve. I was a little hesitant going into it knowing that I had spent the last 9 months recovering from a burnout that happened during staff training for camp. I honestly had nothing to give. My heart was empty and my branch in the Father's vine was looking shriveled and dry and for sure not strong enough to support any fruit had my life produced any. 

But, God knew what He was doing and me being empty was probably the best state I could have possibly been in. I mean, okay, it wasn't a great place to be, but the Lord used it. I was empty and He had room to fill me with Him. I was dry and He was in watering His gardens. I was exhausted and He carved out for me a place of rest. When I returned to Iowa City, the leader for the ministry I attend had us read 1 Corinthians 1 and think about it for a while. The verses that gave me "Holy Spirit Shivers" (as my friend,Jessica, calls them) were:

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.  It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Cor. 1:26-31

God chose the weak... that's me! Well, it was me. Not to say that I'm strong, but I am stronger. But really, I think it's the Holy Spirit's strength in me. I learned a ton of things about myself this summer as well as a ton of things about God. I learned about love. I know the term "love" is used way too carelessly, but it's a way big deal. God loves people. God loves children. God loves the children who are loud and fight with other children and don't pay attention at VBS. God loves the quiet ones and the tired ones and the ones who are not loved by their families. God loves the hurt and the broken and the empty. He loves the ones that smile and laugh as well as the ones that cry and pout. We as humans cannot comprehend this fully because we are unable to love them all. We do not naturally desire to love the obnoxious ones or to be patient with the rowdy ones. But love is patient. 
Our natural first response to a misbehaving 3rd grader who is driving everyone to their wits end is to scold and rebuke and put them in a time out or let them sit by them self in a corner. But love is kind. 
Love keeps no record of wrong when one sees the child who always picks fights and gets the other children riled up stepping onto the bus to go to VBS. Love that child. You know why? Love never fails. How many times a day does that child hear "Don't do this, don't do that." "Stop that." "Sit still" "Go away" "Be quiet".... How many times does any child hear that. And how many people will respond in love to that child. How many people will be patient? How many people will be kind? How many times is that child going to feel loved? If you love Jesus, than your job is to respond in love. 

That's probably the biggest thing I learned. I've told everyone who has asked me so far that thats what it is. If you've talked to me, than this is repeat for you. The big thing I learned was to love. If you encounter someone and you be Jesus to them for 5 minutes and love them, that could be the only 5 minutes in their day that they feel loved. If you love them for a day, that could be the only day that they feel loved. You have a choice to love someone. You have choice to let God work in your life. You have a choice to let God use you. Don't be selfish. Love is not self-seeking. Love pours out. Love moves. Love gives life. Love grows.