Thursday, February 27, 2014

Roots and Fruits and Jesus Pursuits

Annnnnd Febz is almost over. I did a lot of drafting in the last two weeks... but I doubt those will see the light of day. I've been strongly encouraged not to blog when I'm "Emotional" and that is exactly what I've been lately. 

I mean, my grandpa passed away. And I know some people would like to interject and correct me in saying "GREAT grandpa, actually"...as if that makes him less special or his passing less difficult. He was one of my closer grandpas and greatest heros, even if he was *JUST* my GREAT-grandpa. 

So, I mean... grieving. I'm bad at it. But I'm getting the hang of it, I think. I'm starting to come out of the processing hole I've been hiding out in lately. Maybe some day I'll talk about it, for now we're just going to move on. 

I feel funny right now, actually. That funny feeling where you read the Bible and drink coffee and the Bible is so captivating so you keep reading and without thinking, you keep drinking, and ALL THE SUDDEN( Oh MAH GOODNESS) your heart is going 10million miles a minute and you don't know if it's the Holy Spirit or the caffeine making you so buzzed up to heck. 

I think both. But I'd like to think it's mostly Jesus. 

The funeral last week, guys... AMAZING. Okay that sounds weird.
In general, I hate them..funerals that is.  Anything death I hate. My cousin once dared me to reach into a casket one time and touch my diseased great-grand mother when I was a younger child and, I mean... no. It wasn't a human. Just a shell.. a cold, hard corpse. And after that moment, I vowed never again. Touching dead bodies that is. 

Anyways, this funeral, it was great. I mean, of course I bawled my eyes out and went through half a box of tissues in one sitting...and wished I'd have walked down the aisle with the whole box.. but there was so much Jesus there, guys. 

My grandfather, Chester Norman Eggen...he was a man I'll forever admire. I can't describe him well enough, but to say he loved the Lord would be the greatest understatement of the century. He was 102, he attended at least FIVE Bible studies regularly, he memorized scripture every day, he has prayed for me by name every day of my existence, he never once called me the wrong name. He grew tomatoes as a means of sharing the gospel, he invited everyone into his house and was the hands, feet, and love of Jesus to every human being who got within a couple degrees of knowing him. 

He was my biggest cheerleader and best encouragement for all 22 years of my knowing him. Even when I wasn't really following the Lord, he still spoke words of encouragement to me as if I was. I'm quite convinced that his faithful prayers are a huge reason why I know the Lord's voice as well as I do. 

So, all that is to say, grandpa being gone now has been a lot to take in. I'm not in despair or without hope, of course, just sad to have to say a temporary goodbye to one of my favorites. You know?

But! He spoke at his own funeral, believe it or not. Via a recording taken a month ago when my aunt had asked him what last message he wanted everyone to have. 

"Grow your roots" he said. He spoke of the lilies of the valleys and how they neither toil nor spin and the father takes care of them. And they have roots, beneath the surface that no one sees. Only the lilly itself knows where its roots go. And we, as believers, are to grow our roots in Christ. And it is what we do under the surface, away from public eye. Just us and Jesus. 

I *LOVE* that message, guys. Because I feel like with going to church and Bible study and whatever else not, we live a public growth life. We have epiphany moments in front of our friends and do a lot of great show and exhibition. 
I mean, I'm not going to lie, I LIKE affirmation in my walk with the Lord. I LIKE it when people tell me they see Jesus in me. 

But, my conviction is, I'm like the tree that has exposed roots. Ya know? The kind people trip over. I don't like that. Not at all. Because people have access to them and can hack at them and can damage me so easily. But, I want people to SEE my growth. 

I think my big problem is that I confuse my roots and my fruits. People should see growth by the fruit that would come from my heart and not roots that came from my start. 
Burry that stuff. Anyone who has pulled up a plant by the roots could tell you that the root system is messy and all over the place and a huge chaotic big tangle of a billion little stringy water sucker-uppers.
Growth is messy. But it's strong. The messier, the better. You gotta grow all over the place to find the water source and the nutrients. And that's GOOD. It's wonderful. It's the way it should be. 

But that's not what people should SEE. Don't be trippin' people up with your roots. Being all like, "Oh yes.. I memorized the entire book of Proverbs today. What did YOU do?" I mean, if the scripture is so in your heart that it's like yeast in bread dough and causing things to rise up all out of your heart and get all over everything, share it. Splash it all over the place! That's great. But don't use it like a fly swatter to smack across people's faces and make them feel bad that they aren't "growing" as much as you or as attentive to their growth as you. 

 And honestly, I really like that your root system is only between you and God. People are mean. ..And that's an understatement. Some days I really like the idea of living in a hole. But I need people. I need people who love Jesus. 

And I really need Jesus, because love is not my forte either. Nor is patience or kindness or goodness or gentleness or any other wedges of the fruit of the Spirit. *sigh*

Agh.. okay. That blog was probably more emotionally driven than it needed to be, but I'm not very sorry. I just needed to release a few thoughts that have been stirred around the last week. 

Roots, guys. Grow them in your secret garden and let it be your one-on-one project with Jesus. No one else has to be there for it. 




Thursday, February 13, 2014

Bread Crumbs and Pebbles

Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? Tell me where will you run, child, to where will you run?

I convinced my roommates to watch Gladiator with me the other night whilst we were working away on our Valentines. My friends laugh at me a little because I have a very weak gag reflex and  very little tolerance for real life blood or cuts or broken bones. And too, we watched Red Dawn over the summer... seriously, the scene where they make Peeta drink the blood from the deer.. I gagged 7 times and had tears streaming down my eyes... eww. 

The funny thing, though, is that some of my favorite movies tend to air a little on the gorry side. I mean, The Patriot, Mel Gibson... MMmm. I could watch that again. And Last of the Mohicans..wahh! ALL. Time. Favorite!  And, Gladiator, well, I love that one too. But I love the story... the heroism, the emotion, the fight... it really pulls me in. Red Dawn is just shooting and kids and Chris Hemsworth's abs...randomly. 

Anyways.. Gladiator... good movie. You should see it. The reason I bring it up is because there is this scene where he is in the arena and has dropped a couple bodies and the crowd is rather silent and he yells back at them, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??" I love that. Because I find a lot of depth in that statement, actually. 

I think you'd, hopefully, agree with me that watching gladiators slaughter each other in a colosseum is a really sick way of being entertained. Which brings out the irony when Russell Crowe does what he's not supposed to do, live, at the expense of those who weren't supposed to die, in some crazy blood bath. The crowd wanted to see him slaughtered and he, instead, kills off a handful of soldiers who were supposed to be impossible to defeat. They came to see death and they saw death. "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"

I feel like all my media, electronics, apps, devices yell that at me often. At my fingertips I have The World. I have movies, news, social media, pictures, memes... everything the world has to offer and more often than not I find myself un-entertained. I sit there and think, "it's not enough. I am not satisfied." I think, as a Christian, Christ has made it to be that way. The World entertains, to distract from reality, but it does nothing. It entertains a void. That's it. 

I've said earlier that there is not much for me to do on the days I don't work as much. My options for "Entertainment" are:
Facebook
Instagram
USA Today News
Netflix

...I don't Netflix on my own. That's way too boring. Facebook only entertains in the 10 seconds it takes to check a notification and Instagram only goes as far as the new pictures to scroll through. The News usually has 20-30 articles to read and so that takes about 30 minutes and a lot of it is fluffy gossip that doesn't need to be read anyways. 

I am not entertained. I'm quite thankful, though, because it has forced me into sitting down with the Lord and reading my Bible and listening to sermons and being as productive as possible. 
I think the Lord is in total control of how well we are "entertained" by something. Like He can such switch it off and dangle a carrot of real substance in front of our face. And when we look at him, playfully dangling it in front of our face He asks, "Ready to follow me yet? Come with me, I just wanna show you something. Something good. Something better than this. Better than simply passing time."

Beth Moore once said, "In every wait there is a longing, or else it just a passing of time." And you can't just wait for The Next Big Thing. You miss a lot of presence when you constantly look past what you have for what could fulfill you next. If you're not content now, you won't be content in the next thing either. 

I think part of the reason I'd love to work sun-up to sun-down is because it would keep me busy and distracted and entertained. There is a point, though, when I have to surrender and ask God what is is that He intends to show me. But He is a patient God. Patient in waiting, patient in showing. There is no instant *snap fingers* fullfillment. God lays out the bread crumbs and invites you to follow the trail. There's a gingerbread house at the end...but we often just sit down, snack on the bread crumbs and then revert to eating pebbles in our laziness and acceptance of bland, tasteless, malnourishing substances set before us. 

C.S. Lewis said it best when he said, "Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

And we lay in the middle of the path with stomachaches from all the pebbles we've eaten and the world comes along and pokes us with sticks asking, "What is this? What is this child laying here? What a silly child to be so easily filled up on pebbles and bread crumbs.Would you like some chocolate, child? I mean, chocolate covered rocks, but you like rocks." And we stay there. Laying. Eating. Feeling sick. And we curl up in the fetal position and cry out the Lord, asking why we are so persecuted. The world laughs when we make effort to follow the next little trail of bread crumbs. Because the world knows we enjoy pebbles. But the pebbles weigh us down. They make it hard to digest the good stuff. They take up more room in our lives and offer nothing but misery and belly ache in return. 

You know what, though? We are the gladiators in the arena. "For we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered" And more often than not, we fail to fight back. We get checked and slashed at and spit on ..and we cry. Because we didn't anticipate this when we signed up for it. Someone told us Jesus did all the dying there was to be done and we get the easy peasy road. I mean, honestly... we really do get the easy-peasy road. Someone disagreeing with your facebook status is not exactly the same as getting your head chopped off in Asia. 
I'm not totally sure what my point is other than that I feel like we could all stand to man-up in our faith a little bit. Me more than anyone. Probably I need to step out in faith more so I have need to use it. A faith that is not exercised isn't anything to boast about. A faith not tested cannot be trusted. 


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Project Valentine.. (Spoilers!)

It's fast approaching, guys! VALENTINES!!! 

It's like a second Christmas. The idea that giving is far better than receiving is replayed as love catches its second wind and my heart is just dancing in anticipation. 

I'm having SO much fun that I wanted to share my joy with you! 

My house is exploding with this Valentines Project. It's a mess! Usually, we keep our living room semi-in order so that we can have guests and visitors pop by at a moment's notice. Well, Pop by if you like, we'll give you chocolates and cake, but you'll have to be okay with the tornado that is Valentines Day. 

There are papers, envelopes, crayons, markers, scissors, papers, Bibles, tape, glue, hearts, pens.... everything strewn every where as we attempt to make sure all those on our lists get a little bit of love this year. 

It's Day 4 in our house-hold, actually. We've been seriously running the creative, punny, loving Valentine juices for 4 days. With a few Valentines short of 100 having been made and a list that keeps growing, and 3 days to go... OH MY GOODNESS... My head is spinning. 

And it's not just the cards made form the bottom of our hearts in our left-most ventricle (To borrow my friend Lauren's words)...envelopes, guys. 

My highschool Bible study leader often remarked that, "it's all about presentation." She was talking about food that she served... but I mean.. you can apply that wisdom to everything. 



" WHY??" You might ask... Well... Because..love.

God, actually. My love. My forever Valentine. He is basically dancing in my heart ALL THE TIME and I can do nothing but dump the flood out on all my friends and family... and acquaintances and people I've never met before. It's really a tornado.. for real. 

Love. You can't escape it. 

Funny thing, though, is that there are actually some haters out there who think it's rather middle school to take Valentines Day so seriously. 
I smile. 

It makes me think of Jesus saying, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:15)
Because children get it. Love and stuff. It's not about romance or partnership or whatever.. it's just love and joy and affection. 

Because Jesus. 

My forever Valentine wants to be your Valentine too. :) 

Be loved.

 For you are the Beloved. 




Sunday, February 9, 2014

A Valentine from Jesus

If you've been a believer in any of the recent years of Christian History, no doubt you have heard the song, "How He loves" by John-Mark Mcmillan. More than likely you might have thought it was David Crowder's song..but it's not. 

So I ask you this question, How does He love? God that is. If you sing the song, "oh, how He loves us so..oh how He loves us..How he loves us all.." Do you know that answer? How does he love us? 

I was thinking about that today and I couldn't help but remember how he has loved me with friends. So today's mushy Valentine post is about my friend-blessings. But we will only scratch the surface, barely.

It was not too many weeks into my sophomore year at the prestigious University of Iowa that the reality of my loneliness had me anxious to the point that sleep became elusive. (Sleep tends to be the first thing out the window, for me). 

A lot of people don't believe me, but I really didn't have many friends. I had only made a handful of friends freshman year and they definitely weren't around for round 2. I had two guy friends, that was it.
Basically, it was awful. ( I mean, my 2 guy friends were great..but the lack of companionship there of was awful) 

Since I couldn't sleep, (my roommate situation was miserable too, but that's a whole other story) and I didn't have any friends to console me, I would be up around 5am spending time with the Lord. Thank God He was there. I don't think I'll ever forget the day I broke down in tears and asked God if He would just give me one friend. I told him I didn't need a ton of friends.. just one. I'd be happy if I could just have a best friend.  You see, I'd been asking for friendS (Plural) but that seemed like too tall of an order to fill...so...one. Just one. Please just one. 

Oh, how He loves. 

I started attending a connection group with the new college group I had started attending and there was some potential there. A month into school I was coming up on my 19 birthday and was dreading it with all of my being since I didn't have friends and was pretty sure it was going to come and go without anyone caring to notice. 

We were standing in the kitchen of our connection group leader's apartment one fine Monday and some of the freshman girls were talking about how they worried their birthdays would be difficult because they wouldn't have their close friends around and they'd be away from home. I threw out that being a sophomore was equally as difficult since all my freshman "friends" were gone and I didn't have anyone for this coming year. "Well, when's your birthday?" My group leader asked. "Tomorrow," I replied. 
"Then let's celebrate it! Wednesday after Salt. Do you like waffles?"
"Yes! Of course!"
"Well, invite all of your friends and we'll have a waffle party for you."

I was excited! Except for the part where I had to invite all of my friends. I was just embarrassed that I'd have no one to invite. Everyone in my connection group was invited by default, but I wouldn't have anyone else to bring. 

The next day, whilst sitting in Burge by myself (of course) a fellow I used to not get along with in high school trooped by. In fact, we were like, enemies in high school. To say we didn't get along was kind of an understatement. But! I was hunting for "friends" to take to my waffle party. And I was in the mindset that if I could just convince an acquaintance to come, I could at least pass them off as a friend. They'd only have to pretend to be my friend for the night, anyways. His name was Reed. I flagged him down and asked after his freshman year and how it was going. I think he used the word "fantastic." He used words like that. Home-schooler, pastor's kid, all black clothes (including his shoes and socks)...long hair that he would flip out of his eyes... clearly I was beyond the point of desperate at this point. Feeling brave I asked if he had plans Wednesday night and he said he was going to Salt. I asked if he'd like to come to my waffle party for my birthday afterwards and he said, "sure! When's your birthday?" "umm...today.." 
"Oh! Well happy birthday." 
"Thanks! See you Wednesday?"
"Yep! I'll be there"

LOLOL.... God has the funniest sense of humor I think. 

My waffle party went great. People came and we ate waffles. And I even got to blow out a candle. :) That was when I first felt loved by God that year. Because people who didn't really know me at all, bothered to care that I had been born in the first place. I was overwhelmed. 

It didn't stop there, though. I'd like to say ahead of time that Reed was not the best friend I had asked for, but we became quite good friends. We started getting dinner together once a week and eventually went to brazil together.. and the friendship carried into more things and still holds to this day.

There was this girl in my connection group that year who came to my waffle party. She was just a little freshman who was cute and precious and struck me as a little bit timid. I randomly had this thought one day that maybe I should ask her if she'd like to get an apartment with me for next year. I was too scared to ask, because i didn't want to seem like a creep.. so I didn't. But she asked me! 
Her name was Amanda. I didn't know anything about her, really, but she seemed sweet enough. I quickly responded saying, "Yes, we can be roommates." That was our only interaction outside of connection group.. we weren't friends, really, just acquaintances. 

In the meantime, shortly after my birthday, I was doing my "Sitting-alone-without-friends" thing that I did really well, and a girl I had kind of known Freshman year (who was really more friends with my sister) happened to walk by and see me..sitting alone. Her name was Jessica. We chatted some and asked if I would be watching the football game that afternoon. "I don't have anyone to watch it with..or any where to watch it." 
"I'm watching it with a friend in Daum later, You can join! Here's my number, you can text me and I'll give you directions."

Wah!! I got someone's phone number! That meant "Kind-of-friends" status! Jessica. What a gem. We somehow got to chatting about how no one seemed to be leading See-You-At-The-Pole that year. She decided she would lead it (because she's just confident-and-take-charge like that) and she asked if I might want to help in spreading the word. What?? Leadership opportunity? Heck yes!

We became friends. And also began getting dinner together weekly. In fact, somehow I managed to mix her and Reed into the same weekly lunch bunch thing. Two pastors kids, one baptist, one lutheran. One previously homeschooled, one thinking all homeschoolers were a little off... Things went down. Bibles were pulled out at almost every meal and Reed perfected this little point-with-his-whole-hand-while-making-a-point thing. 

Friends. I had them, some how. The Lord was so faithful. 
At the end of sophomore year, I accepted Jessica's invite to be a summer camp counselor at the camp she worked at and things were lined up for me to move into Amanda and I's new place in the fall. 

I spent the summer without making friends, (Clearly it's not a talent of mine) And I spent my spare moments alone in my cabin..I even stopped going to church with the other counselors simply because church was for fellowship and that wasn't going to happen. Occasionally that summer, I got to see Jessica, and that was great. We were legit friends. (Thank you, Jesus.)

I ended that summer by attending a leader's retreat for the Salt Leaders. I knew my connection group leaders from the previous year but that was it. I was pretty closed off from my miserable summer without friends and didn't really have any motivation to make friends either. I decided I was destined to be a loner forever.  

I got to this camp/retreat place thing and it was like arriving on campus freshman year. People tossing footballs and such about as a way to occupy themselves while feeling awkward about not really knowing people. There was a guy tossing a frisbee. I think, he was just tossing it up in the air with himself. He didn't seem all that interested in "Bonding" or making new friends either. 
Perfect. I think I stood out in the yard and held my hands open to catch it and he threw it to me. I don't remember it too specifically..just that we tossed a frisbee back and forth without saying any words to each other for a while. Eventually I asked if he had a name. He said, "yep." 
"Oh. That's nice." *toss frisbee*
"yep." *return frisbee*
"What is it?" *Throw frisbee*
"Brooks" *return frisbee*
"Like a little river?" *over throw frisbee*
*fetches frisbee, returns it* "Sure."

A man of few words and clearly un-interested in whether or not people took any interest in him. While, I thought it was insignificant, this frisbee tossing about with a stranger, I can only look back now and see how the Lord has planned it. 

Junior year of college started and, while I still didn't have an especially big circle of friends, I had my small lunch bunch from last year PLUS a new roommate who seemed to have good potential for being a friend. I got really sick early on in the semester. H1N1 Swine flu is as miserable and awful as they built it up to be... and worse. 

At one point I was sitting on the floor of our living room  (we didn't have furniture) and I let myself cry a little, wondering when it would be over. Amanda came home and I tried to hide it. She right away asked if I was crying and I said "no." She walked up to me and was like, "Are you sure?" And I was like, "I've been coughing a lot and my eyes are watery.." She accepted that.. but not really. She gave me some throat numbing agent and some nyquil to help me feel better. I was completely caught off guard by the gesture. I wasn't used to anyone outside of my family caring if I wasn't feeling well. That was the start of a great friendship. 

The first thing I noticed about her.. she shared her emotions. Poor girl. I didn't know what to do. She would sit on one side of the room and start crying and I'd sit completely motionless, not knowing how to respond. In my head I thought the wise response was to wait for her to stop so she could explain to me why she was crying all of the sudden. I mean.. were the tears because she was sad? or happy? or stressed? or upset? or hurt? ... i didn't know, and I figured she'd planned on telling me since she felt comfortable crying in the first place. Heh.. ya live and learn. I feel sorry for men because if *I* don't understand women emotions, as a woman, so basically..a man doesn't have a fighting chance. 

Also, I found out that Amanda's level of emotion was normal. But she wasn't emotional so much as she was transparent. She just let people into the deep places of her heart and accepted that people could build her up and speak Truth into her life. Seeing as I was in TWO counseling classes that year, she became my secret experiment and I began to look forward to her opening up so I could try out a new technique I'd learned in class. (Like I said earlier, poor girl.) But she taught me a lot about emotional honesty and not faking being okay when you're not. How can people love you down to the broken places when you pretend they don't exist? 

Anyways, it's too much emotion-y stuff to give the details, but after that year, we had gone through enough together that we were good friends by default..best friends. And that was the perfectly laid foundation for what came with senior year. And friends. More friends. Suddenly I was surrounded by more friends than I can count. 

And I love you all. Each one of you means more to me than words could express and I care about you better than I can show. I don't think I could even write a book that would completely encompass how deeply I treasure every friendship I have. But just so you know, you, you mean the world to me. 

Because bearing the title "Friend of Fern" does not stop there. It translates to being a vessel of God's love, a precious treasure, an answer to prayer, a blessing, a brother or sister in Christ, a special reward, a perfectly-made-perfectly-timed joy giving/life-giving essential entity that emanates Christ so unique in a way that only you could, and I love you. With all Christ's love,  I do. 

I hope you know that. I wrote this so you would know that. The rest of it cannot be said in words. Nor can it be said in any amount of baked goods, washed dishes, hugs, smiles, or anything physical. I can only hope and pray that somehow Christ reaches down and tells you for me. 

So take a moment to be still for a bit. Just long enough for Jesus to deliver the message. It is my Valentine to you. 






Thursday, February 6, 2014

And Let the Valentines Posts Commence..

Such an odd place of life right now. I go into every week not knowing what it will entail, how many hours I'll be given, or what sort of income I will manage. The Lord is faithful, though, and He provides faithfully. Somehow, I manage to stay kind of busy and bring in enough to keep my head above water.

I could be in this same situation living back at home and it would look much, much different. I'd be getting quality time in with my mom and siblings and I'd have access to supplies to any project I could wish to take on..sewing, woodworking, baking, cooking... endless possibilities. But here, I am oft left to my own devices, which gives more motivation to scrounge up more hours. 

My ideal is to work 50ish hours a week, I think. Certainly more than 40. I like working. I like to have my schedule filled and I like to come home exhausted and feeling accomplished. *sigh* For now I will keep searching/applying, and waiting for the Lord. 

I woke up sick today. Quite sick. Well, I went to bed sick and didn't end up sleeping until 3am and even that was miserable. I CHOSE to eat oatmeal for breakfast. ME! Oatmeal. Yes.. there is something wrong with me. 

In the meantime, it is February. How about that?? A month known mostly for Valentines Day... the day that falls in the middle and is all about love and romance and chocolates and roses! Some people hate it, some people love it, some people complain all about how it just makes them feel so lonely and single. 

To be honest, it is really enjoyable if you look at it with the proper eyes. On my instagram the other day, I decided to brag a little about my little brother, adopted from China. One of my most favorite things about him is that he loves well and complains little. Seriously, at 10 years old the kid is ages more mature in how he treats others. 

He inspires me. He serves. All the time he serves. And he doesn't complain. Not when he's sick, not when he's tired, not when he's had surgery. He is gentle and quiet. A silent servant who asks for nothing in return. He delights in feeding the hungry...which currently looks like taking his home-made breakfasts to his poor college siblings in their beds when they come home for visits. 
He is protective of those he loves, particularly of little Kyle, who is so easily teased. 

Thinking of 1 Cor. 13, Kolby is basically the living version of love. Perhaps because he understands being adopted into God's family better than any of the rest of us, but he just loves so well. 

I admire him, really. I want to be as loving as him and complain as little as him. 

What bothers me a lot about Valentines Day is that people seem to take it as a cue to complain about being single. Don't do that. Take it as a cue to love other around you and to love them well. Love them with acts of service or words of affirmation. With cards and flowers and reminders of what they mean to you. Love them with God's love and be thankful you know them. 


Saturday, February 1, 2014

Raising Support


Friends! Did I tell you all I was going back to Nicaragua?? I  AM!!! Last year was just too good not to go back at least once. :) 

Last night as I was in the beginning stages of falling asleep, I suddenly had this mini panic attack about getting all of my support raised. I've been making some progress, but with the trip just 1 1/2 months off, I've all the sudden decided to freak out slightly. 

But, also, I know I can trust God. I've never worried that God wouldn't put the funds there when I needed them. Someone once told me that anxiety is just a brief case of atheism. So, of course, I'm going to just put it all in the Lord's hands and be expectant of His provision. :)

But I had this idea! Since you, my readers, have been backing me with encouragement with everything I post, why not give you the great opportunity to back me on this trip with your prayers and pennies? 

Of course, more than anything else in the world, I just want you to pray for me! Pray for my heart! Pray for the people! Pray for God's love to spill out of my and splash unto everything I do. 

Pray for my team. We are a medical team (But don't be deceived, I'm not medical anything) bringing the Gospel to the villages of Nicaragua. I will be flying South with Doctors, Dentists, Pharmacists, Optometrists, Physical Therapists, Nurses, Pastors, veterinarians ... people, and we will set up a clinic in a village and share the Gospel with the locals. And then, once given the opportunity to receive the Lord, they will be given the opportunity to be seen and cared for by the medical team. 

Last year I got to be a part of the team that shared the Gospel with the children through a translator and then switch off filling prescriptions in the pharmacy. Guys, my heart is bursting with joy at the memory of all the children who bowed their little heads and asked Jesus into their heart! That's why I wanna go back! 

So here's what I'm asking for: 


1. The biggest thing I ask for as I begin this adventure is prayer. It is such a powerful thing and I 

wouldn’t wish to go anywhere without an army of prayer warriors backing me up. 


2. Secondly, this trip is going to cost about $2500. I ask that you would prayerfully consider 

giving financially to help send me on this grand adventure. 


If there was anything one thing about myself that I know absolutely without a doubt, is that I was created to glorify Christ through loving His people. There is nothing that I have done that has given me a greater joy. 

If you so desire to send support financially, checks should be written out to 'BMDMI' (The organization I'm going with) and then mailed to:



Kurt Van Hulzen

2397 Wadsley Ave

Sac City, IA 50583

with a note on a separate paper with my name.

When you send support, please email me at fern.faith.kohl@gmail.com so that I can properly thank you and also make sure Kurt receives it. 

That's all I got. :) Can't wait to share my adventure with you all in a few weeks!