Doing New Things that Last Years

It's that time between holidays where it's kind of still the holidays but kind of not and half the humans are back at work while half are still at home partying away. I didn't expect to be back at work, honestly. I thought Wednesday was my last, however, I was graciously asked to come back for two more days. Which I don't mind, of course. The more I can cushion myself for the real world, the better :) .

So, what kinds of thoughts does one have in this limbo between Christmas and New Years? Well, if you've been with me for all of the years that I post thoughts around this time... You know that resolutions aren't really my thing... See my blog from 2011 . 

And though, I still hold to that belief of being made new any ol' time of the year, I'm not against taking advantage of the times and setting some goals here or there. I'm slightly inspired to do so by an instagram post I saw a few months back. One of my friends took a picture of her friend's New Year's Resolutions for the year 2014 and it was full of beautiful things like, "read the Bible daily" "love more deeply" "serve with an open heart." Those goals by themselves are beautiful! The girl who had penned them stepped into eternity and is now daily with Jesus, loving more deeply than she ever could have on earth. 

It hits my heart in a tender place to know that any ol' New Years resolutions could be the note on which you go. And to be honest, if I died this year, I'd like it best if my last months were spent striving to be closer to the Lord, striving to serve others graciously and loving well. And, of course I make these little goals in my heart throughout the year as things come up.. but I want them to be more than passing comments. 

Honestly, I couldn't even count the times I've had good iron sharpening, spiritual conversations with my friends or family members in which some topic like being more other's centered came up and we said something like, "Mmm.. that's so good. I should try harder to grow in that area," or "I wish I was better at that.." .... seriously? If someone shows you your face in the mirror and you go away and forget what you look like... that's lame. Pathetic more like. And if your discussion with your friend has made you see yourself in a new way and you know you've got to fix something... and then don't...? 

So, to be different this year... to be INTENTIONAL... I've actually written some things down. (What!?) I don't think I'll know I won't do these perfectly.. but that's where Jesus' has grace upon grace upon grace. 

 I feel like they might be a little cheesy.. but that's okay. I'm rather a sappy kind of person any how.
Obviously, this isn't a complete list. I'd rather love to grow in my honesty and integrity and maturity. I'd like to rid myself of sarcastically putting others down, no matter how funny people might find it. I want to always be a blessing to my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to be above reproach and for my actions or reactions not to raise concerns to others. 

Basically, I don't want to be a red flag. I don't want to be a problem or a concern or a stress factor in someone else's life. And to be honest, I'd say this year takes the cake for most times my existence has been an upsetting point for others. Perhaps this year I was the most selfish. Selfishness is no good, of course. I am nothing apart from serving and loving others. 

Obviously the best way to know where to grow is by looking at where you've been. It's been quite the year for people catching my flaws and telling me about them. Repeatedly. It doesn't feel very good, of course, but Jesus obviously has a reason why things are brought to our attentions no matter how painful they might be. I don't think He quite intended that when He gave us our iron for sharpening other people's irons that we would use the irons to poke each other in the heart... but the Lord can heal the trusted wounds from our friends and teach us what we aught to have learned from it. 

I'm a slow learner. And a not learner. I'm not sure what "learn" means exactly.. but if it implies that you change your behavior after experiencing an unpleasant consequence... than I don't think I learn very well at all. I definitely experience deja vu when I find myself in a situation.. again.. but I can't say that I learned it well enough the first or second or 9th time to claim I learned not to repeat my mistakes. 

Perhaps I should goal to be more teachable and learn quicker. Mostly, I just want to have a surrendered heart to God's correction. As much as I hate the taste of humble pie or having to say, "I was wrong,"I'm rather thankful the Lord thinks I'm worth the effort. I'm too quick to give up on people and guard my heart by walling them out of my life, but Jesus is more vulnerable and forgiving than I. 

I guess ultimately, I just want to be more like Jesus. Everything in my heart wants to have the same characteristics and kindness. I want to be loving and selfless and brave against insult. I want to love those who hate me and sacrifice for those who crucify my feelings. 

I want to be a woman of wisdom, always drawing from The Word and growing the fruit of the spirit in my heart. Those are my goals. Those are my hopes and my dreams. And if this year be my last, I hope I step into to heaven and the Lord says, "well done, good and faithful servant."