You called me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
in oceans deep
My faith will stand
I've said this before, but I did not truly start following Jesus with my whole heart til the Fall of my Junior year of highschool, shortly after I turned 16. I'd never really been a responsible person before that, I'd never cared about anyone more than myself. I loved breaking rules, rebelling against authority, and doing whatever to keep myself happy.
As my faith continued to grow and strengthen as the school year went on, I began to feel convicted about being responsible with money. I'd grown up saving every penny I could, so I wasn't really into spending a ton on myself, which meant that I let my parents buy everything for me that they would, and anything they wouldn't I'd learn to live without.
But as I let the Lord work in my selfish heart and make it to be more aware of others, my biggest conviction was in how blessed I was with the parents I had who sacrificed financially for the love of their family where ever they needed to and then some. I don't think I'll ever fully know what sorts of things they had to surrender for the sake of us children, but I feel so loved by it and I'm so thankful for their selfless example.
Thus, as my first summer as a true believer approached and I now had a driver's license and would be an added cost to the gas funds, I felt that the responsible thing to do would be to get a job to pay for the gas I would be using for my own activities.
School had not yet gotten out for the summer when I landed my very first official job as a church janitor, which was only actually 8-10 hours a week. It wasn't too long into it, maybe 3 or 4 weeks before it seemed like I wasn't good enough and would be dismissed.
Still wanting to be responsible with my summer, I began seeking a new job and thus landed a full time job as a nanny, working 7am-6pm every day. I decided I'd balance cleaning the church and the nanny job for a little while the church found a new janitor, which probably wouldn't take long.
To my surprise, the church deacons give a lot of grace and actually wanted to keep me on and I agreed. However, I really enjoyed my job as a nanny (extra funds ya know?) and thus I decided that I would do more than surrender 8-10hours a week, I would surrender my whole summer.
The Lord taught me a lot that summer. One of my sweet cousins from California was visiting that summer and with my crazy working hours, there wasn't much hope of me getting to interact with her much. She and a couple of my siblings would actually wake up at 6 with me and we would gather around my coffee pot waking up together, just so we could have those 30 or 40 minutes together before I would leave for work. That's probably one of the most loving things I've encountered. Of course, by the end of the summer we were all hopelessly addicted to coffee, but we don't complain. :)
I remember a lot of days where I would get off work @6, swing by home to grab a little supper before heading to the church to clean and head back home at 11pm just to get whatever sleep I could before repeating my day. I worked an average of 60hours/week with an occasional 70hr week thrown in.
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
That was an intense summer. It was a good summer, though. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about God and what it means to act on my faith through being responsible and sacrificial.
Since that summer, I've decided that I would surrender every summer as a student to what ever the Lord would put in my lap. If it was a summer of working and putting $$ in my bank account to support my future independence, or serving the the Lord without an income, or whatever, I was determined to be obedient.
Let me tell you, I've had some pretty adventurous summers since then. Some of the most Spiritual growings I've had have come out of my summers of surrendering to the Lord. From spending Saturday mornings selling honey at a farmers market, camp counseling, interning at a non-profit ministry and many other things, I've always learned something big or had my faith strengthened and fruits of the spirit matured.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and you won't start now
This summer I'm back to nannying. It's a lot different than my first summer nannying. This time I have 3 kids who are a joyous bundle of energy and a little rambunctious at times. As school was coming to a close this past semester I told the Lord I'd do whatever job he placed in my lap. I was overjoyed when I then saw the sign on my favorite coffee shop that they were now hiring. I figured that'd be the best summer job ever (I LOVE COFFEE) and thus picked up my application and began filling it out.
I had yet to turn it in when I was informed of the nannying position and before I knew it, I was meeting the family and feeling quite sure that this was more of what the Lord would have me doing.
I told the Lord, "What ever area you think I need to grow or be stretched in, make it happen and give me grace about it."
Ha... be careful what you pray for because the Lord is faithful to answering prayers. :)
While patience, grace, and love are all the big ones I'm learning to display more often, I'm learning more subtly the absolute importance of being absolutely dependent. I've been realizing this slowly.
A week ago in Bible study we were challenging each other to be better about spending time alone with the Lord and since I had been out of the habit of having an actually quiet time, I figured I'd start looking for where I could squeeze that in again (sounds terrible, i know).
Well, I found that there are actually moments in my day with the kids where I can grab 10-15 minutes writing in my prayer journal or reading a passage while they work on workbooks and reading.
I realized I'm a lot better at patience and love after I've spent time with the Lord.
Yesterday, the day wasn't off to a real great start as it seemed that they had way too much energy and I had way too little patience. They weren't even being terrible, I just had a short fuse for the farting noises and everything else that young boys do that cause their little sister to get riled up and pick fights with them even though they win. Every time. And she hasn't learned that yet.
*phew* After dropping one of them off at a friends house to play, I suggested to the other two that we work on workbooks now while I read my Bible. One of them responded that I didn't need to, and I said, "Oh trust me, I'm a lot nicer after I've read my Bible." He responded saying, "You're not mean, though." and so I was like, "Trust me, it'll just be a better situation over all if I do."
So we did. They worked quietly and I read and re-gathered my patience that had been spread a little thin and the afternoon was an absolute blast. We biked, we did puzzles, had a water fight, colored and played other games.
Thank you Jesus, for continued faithfulness. I think I'm half-way through the summer now. I miss my family a lot, but the Lord is doing great things in my heart. Hard things, but great things. I am loved.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
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