A gentle whisper

Send me a sign
A hint, O whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
'Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels' wings

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?


I don't really know where to start. Some times, God does incredible things to get your attention and some times.. He does something so subtle, yet so beautiful that you can do nothing more than fall on your knees, put your face on the ground and worship Him. 
What was this subtle thing you may ask? It was a still small voice. Let's back up a little bit.. 
In 1 Kings, there was this guy named Elijah and he loved God. He did wonderful and amazing things through the power of God. In 1 Kings 18, he sacrificed to God and God lit his offering on fire even after Elijah had dumped lots and lots of water on it. After that, 300 prophets of Baal were killed and Elijah was so empowered by God that he out ran a chariot that was 18 miles ahead of him.  That's INCREDIBLE. But even after all that, Elijah was still afraid and hid in a cave! That is where we shall pick up the story..


The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
 Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:11-13)


Yep, so... I would have to say that I am much like Elijah. These past few weeks, I have felt super close to God. Just filled with the Spirit and His love and empowered by his Grace. God has just been doing amazing things and has been using me in incredible ways that blow my mind! And after all that... I am still afraid. 


If I'm being honest, I would say insecurity is one of my biggest struggles. I'm super sensitive to how people view me. I have surrounded myself with many wonderful Christian friends and God has blessed me with a wonderful Christian community here on campus. But I struggle with letting that be one of my greater sources of joy. Now, God placed my friends in my life to give me joy.. this is true. But, God is the greater source of joy. 
The thing is, friends, as wonderful as they are.. they're not perfect. As kind and loving and encouraging as they are, they cannot love me as much as God has created me to be loved. God keeps whispering to me in the quietness of my heart "I love you. Fern... I love you!"
And when I place my security in the love of my friends or family, I just feel like I have to try harder, be better, and say "right words" in order to be good enough. 


Now, I know this is not true. That I don't have to try to earn love. But at the same time, I think we all try, even a little, to gain respect or compliments or approval by doing or say something that would encourage affection. But, God is ALWAYS always there and always wanting to love no matter what. That's the wonderfullest thing ever! Because we don't have to do ANYthing to encourage His affections for us. He already loves us more than we can possible imagine!! Ahh! It's an amazing thing to realize. :) 
Like Elijah, I think I am much tempted to hide in a cave even after God shows up and does wonderful amazing things. And then God comes and says, "What are you doing here?"
I've never really thought about this before.. but for as many times as we question God and ask "why!??" how much more right HE has to be asking us that question. And the truth of it is... we don't have a good answer. 


This morning as I was doing my quiet time with God and I wrote, " suddenly I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark and crashing into walls and falling over hidden snares." I must stop and ask myself.. how'd I get there? It was just two weeks ago that I felt like I was running with God. It was then that I wrote, "Sometimes we run in the dark and sometimes in the storm. And Christ, who is the light, is running ahead of us, leading us through this tricky obstacle course where things reach out to entangle our feet and trip us up. And when we trip, Christ reaches down to give us a hand up and then, as a friend offers to support you when you twist an ankle, Christ carries us, limping and bruised until we are able to start running again." Mmmm... last week, when I was walking to a building on campus, I got distracted by some people cleaning a building. I took my eyes off of where I was going and I tripped. I went down on the pavement and my phone flew out in front of me and I was so embarrassed. It's not often that you see an adult trip and sprawl out on the pavement..but it happens. God for sure has a sense of humor. Not that He found it funny that I super biffed it on the pavement.. but that He chose to show me in my every day life what I do in my every day walk with him. I trip. Sometimes it's a stumble.. subtle, but still slowing down the walk... and sometimes.. it's a full out, hardcore, face plant. 


It's also interesting that it's called a face plant. We are called to humility, and with that, we must takes our place on our face. How often do you see how people fell on their face before God in the Bible. There is no room for God when we are filled with pride. Turn that sentence around and you get that there is no room for pride when we are filled with God. 
Now, to bring it back together, I think a lot of my insecurity stems from pride. It is so easy for me to take pride in all my wonderful friend blessings and family blessings. God gave them as a gift, but he is still there beside me saying, "I love you more. I will always be here to love you more." :) Psalm 37: 3 says, " Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."  God has this wonderful pasture of security in store for me, for us, but our insecurities cause stubbornness. It's something the Israelites struggled with as well. Hosea 4:16 says, "The Israelites are stubborn, like a stubborn heifer. How then can the LORD pasture them like lambs in a meadow?" 


Here's what we get from that: while we are tripping in the dark, stumbling around and getting all scraped up asking God, "Why? Why don't you do anything??" God is probably asking "What can I do if you so insist on doing things yourself?"


Solution:  Let go, let God.  :)


You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening

Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring

All around the rush of angels

O the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

Romans 8:31-39 (New International Version)

 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.