For Such a time as this

Esther 4:14For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"


I am generally content with life. Generally...but not today. 
After a trying week, an exhausting weekend, and major/minor frustrations sprinkled on top.. I returned myself to my dorm room this afternoon to catch up on some sleep. 


While my glorious and much needed nap lasted for a solid 3 hours (Praise Jesus!).. I awoke with a rather restless feeling. What on earth am I doing here at school?? Why am I in college? What is my purpose?


Now.. on a normal day, if you were to ask me "Fern.. what is your purpose in life?" i would say "To glorify God. To serve Him, and share him with those around me." True as it is.. do I follow through with that everyday? By no means. I fall short of that everyday. How often do I verbally share Christ with someone else? I do not recall the last time, and it greatly disturbs me. I do not feel like I have accomplished anything...at all. 
At this moment.. I feel much like I have wasted much time. My life is but a vapor in the wind and I'm not sure if it is not watering anything as it blows quickly by. :(
To be honest.. I do not think there are words to describe how I truly feel. I very greatly enjoy college very much. I enjoy the opportunities to meet people and make new friends every day. I enjoy the campus..it's beautiful! I love that i live close to two of my dear sisters and can build a relationship with them. BUT... why am I here? 


What does a degree mean? A secure job? A secure future? Surely not. For my security is in Christ who has given me a hope and a future. In all this business with the college of ed, being a little behind in school, and contemplating my purpose in life. It has been suggested to me 3 different times by  3 completely different people who most like have never met each other in their entire lives, that I should look into overseas missions. Now, as awesome and epic as I have heard overseas mission work to be.. I have never felt called to leave this country. After all, America is also in darkness and needs Christians who are not afraid to share their faith while it is still free to share. 
But then again... I have found myself to be much adventurous. And let me tell you, following God is truly the most joy-filled adventure EVER!! Not to say that the everyday life of a college student is not an adventure... But how much more is out there to experience. (Yeah.. that was a statement.. not a question)


 I feel like the stereo-typical missionary moves to deepest darkest Africa , lives in a mud-houses, doesn't find it strange to see a lion in the back yard, and is pictured with some native dude covered in war paint and has facial piercings like they were a human pin cushion. And that.. really does sounds like a super wonderful adventure.. don't get me wrong! But, I am not typical. It is not enough! Africa has been spinning around in my head for the last few weeks though.. how epic would that be? Africa! But then.. today.. I was thinkin.. I want to go to India!.. and everywhere else. 
Isaiah 49:6 says "He says, 'it is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of jacob and bring back those of Israel i have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."
Oh man.. the whollllllllllllle earth! How epic... to follow God all over the world. To be called to the WHOLE world. Not just one little spot.. not just one little time.. but  the WHOLE word.. ALL the time. :D !!!


But here's the thing... while I feel called all  over the world.. I don't feel called to drop out of school forsake all else and crawl into a dark hole in Africa until I'm 40. 
No, there is much work to be done here before I go to another part of the world. 
On my campus.. there are many countries represented. All I gotta do is trust God and reach out. :)


I have no need to worry over my present, or my future. 
Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Proverbs 23:18
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.