More Than a Moment

I think one of the hardest things about going on a joy-filled missions trip is coming back. :/
One of my favorite movies from my childhood is Peter Pan. Not the cartoon one, the people one. In it, they talk about a hidden kiss being on the corner of Wendy's mouth and she asks, "But what is it for?" and her aunt replies, "That is for the greatest adventure of all. The one who finds it has slipped in and out of heaven." 
And perhaps that is how I thin

k of a trip like Nicaragua, like a kiss from the Lord in which I have slipped in and out of heaven.... 
I wish I could say I've mastered how to hit the ground running and take up here where I left off before I went. It's a tricky balance, being all here and being thankful for now and still letting my heart be affected by what was then. 
I live a really really blessed life, guys. I live with my best friends who love Jesus, I have friends that come over for dinner parties and tea parties and random birthday parties for Vincent Van Gogh. I have a car and a job and the freedom to come and go as I please. I have the most God-loving, welcoming family in the world, and I have friends scattered all over the place. 

I have nothing to complain about at all. I often go back to read Philippines 2 and remind myself to be thankful in all things, " Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.  But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."
As I've been thinking on how to describe just how close we were to the obvious presence of The Lord, I've been thinking of our everyday analogies like, "we were within spitting distance" or "A stones throw away" and I don't really feel like I should say that about God.... but it's really rather true. Because, would it not be spitting on the Lord to be thankful for time with bugs and bats and lizards and then complaining about hot showers, comforts, and luxuries? 
Would it not be a stoning to say, He was with me on that trip but He is not with me now? I mean, come on Peter, don't deny the Lord to His face. 
And I said, "obvious" presence of the Lord only because all other distractions were removed and you'd have to be as blind as the man with mud on his eyes not to see the Lord. The Lord is just as obvious and present and active and touchable in my little casa in Iowa City as He is under the church tent in Nicaragua. It just depends on if I choose to sit down with Him and touch Him or not. 
Basically, my conviction lately has been to let the seeds of joy planted deep into my heart whilst hugging and tickling and loving the little children in Nicaragua, is to let them be just that, joy. Not joy turned sour or sad. I should not be sad to be back. I should be thankful to have gone and thankful to have returned home and thankful that Nicaragua will still be there when I go back next. 

I am thankful for a God who has 12 baskets full of blessings to feed 5,000 people just from what little amounts of dead fish and dry bread I have to offer. 12 baskets for me to take home and share with my family and friends after all the big stuff that amazed the people. How interesting that after the feast of booths (or lights) was over and the tents taken down and the lights put out that Jesus stood up and said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Jesus knew what the people needed to hear so as not to be depressed afterwards. 

It was always after something big that Jesus chose to show stand up and say, "Here I am. I am the lasting fulfillment your heart is wanting. You enjoyed that, that small little moment, but I am forever. More than a moment. I am your always." 

And so He speaks that to my heart now. Why is it that I can surrender 100% of my time, energy and focus in one single week in Nicaragua and not do the same thing in the US? Why is it that in Nicaragua I got up everyday with one purpose in mind, "Share the Gospel with everyone I meet today" and I don't have that same focus in the US? Why is it that in everything we did in Nicaragua we would say, "We are here to help you, but most importantly here to tell you about Jesus and His love for you" but I don't live with that same sense of purpose in the US? 
More than anything, I hope the Lord grows my heart to be intentional no matter where I am. I hope that I would remember every day that the reason I'm getting up in the morning is to share God's love with anyone I might encounter during my day. 
Why don't I think, "I'm here to nanny your kids, but most importantly, I'm here to share the Love of Jesus with you?" or "I'm here to give you a ride, but most importantly, to tell you about Jesus" or "I'm here to buy my groceries, but most importantly, I'm here to show you how Jesus cares for you." 
I want that. My heart wants that. My life should always be lived with purpose and the time I spend 100% surrendered to the Lord should be way more than just a moment in Nicaragua.