Camp is for the Campers

Camp is seriously the most difficult time I've ever experienced I feel like. It is physically, emotionally, and (if this makes sense) Spiritually draining to me.

The lack of sleep is one of the hardest things. But, also, after living at college and in a more mature environment, it's so very difficult for me to work with the staff here

because I am older than all but 5 (out of 30) and their maturity is seriously leaving something to be desired. I think Kyle and Kolby can display better attitudes and more respect for authority than a lot of my co-workers. That is just really difficult. Also.. "camp is for the campers". We get saturdays off and that is the only time. The rest of our lives revolve around the campers. We are to be completely focused on making camp fun for the campers and a good experience that I feel like my relationship with Christ has to be

placed on the back burner until camp ends. And recharge on Saturdays is really difficult because it's really hard to get to a place where I wouldn't be around people. 

The only solution for getting away from people to recharge and get one-on-one time with God is to skip church in the morning. My only worry is that other people will catch on and start skipping

church to "get away" also and then I wouldn't be getting away because they'd be copying and following me around. People do that.. follow me. Especially the highschool girls. I don't understand it. 

Also..I feel like Bible camp is a wonderful environment for wearing a mask and looking happy happy joy joy with Jesus all the time because camp is for the campers. Campers need to see the good side of a relationship with Christ. We can't be sad or unjoyful or discouraged in front of them. If we were.. they might not find a relationship with Christ attractive. That would be a bummer. Sooooooooooooo I've come to dislike myself. Quite a bit. 

It's not at all like me to wear a mask. I want to be transparent. I want to be honest.  I hate masks. But! Also.. if I was transparent.. I would have to become legit friends with my fellow staff. I can't bring myself to that. I know what ever friendships I develop here for a summer are not going to last really beyond this summer. It's really hard for me to try to maintain a relationship with people I will only know for 7 weeks. That sounds mean. But... after working at friendships for my entire freshman year and thinking they were legit and then spending a summer apart and coming back to them and finding they really weren't legit, I'm not about to invest a whole lot into these summer ones. I like the staff. I like the people. We can be friends. But they won't have a huge part of my heart because I don't trust it in their hands. 

But that leaves me longing for my real friends. For my family. For fellowship with real, transparent, Spiritually mature, level-headed people. I'm done with boy-crazy girls. I'm done with complaining. I'm done with not sleeping. Im done with putting God on the back burner. But... I have to put up with it for 3 more weeks. I just want to go home. I want time with me and Jesus and no one else. 

After a Week.. I am Weak.

So my last blog was a little bit unorganized and really strange because I was really tired and rushed. 
I got 8 hours of sleep last night which was a rare treat! Most of our nights are 6 hours of sleep at best.
It will get worse when campers get here. 


Training is going well. I'm making good friends with the other staff and am given an hour in the morning for quiet time. It's so wonderful!

And the Summer Starts... Now?

Hello friends!!! Or.. family! Or... whoever reads this... idk.. maybe I'm just talking to my computer.
BUT! I have 16 minutes of freetime at this moment in my life (Which is very rare) and thus I wanted to blog. Maybe. This will probably not make a lot of sense. 


You see.. I had a couple glorious weeks of summer at home with my fam... 2 I think.. and now I am at work at a camp in the middle of Iowa.  Exhausted would be an understatement about how I feel. If I put my head down on this keyboard it wouldn't take much more than a minute and a half  for me to be asleep. 


I spent my last week and a half at home going to bed at 2am and waking up at 8 everyday and thus started out my week at camp for staff training pretty sleep deprived. ( I would not suggest this.) 
Day #1 here was not officially staff training and so I had a day of helping with the film crew for the movie parts of the skits we're doing and a few other random busy work stuff. Wednesday was when the real training began. We did get-to-know-you stuff when our fellow staff co-worker people and then an afternoon of going over insurence policy and worker's comp stuff. I was sleep deprived going into this and thus really emotional.. we had to watch a 10 minute security tape of a little boy drowning in a pool. It was real. That was difficult. On top of that we walked the whole 40 somthin acres of camp, had other training stuff and other factors stuff.. when my day ended.. I sat down on a hill and cried for about an hour. 


My next day was not much better. I was on the verge of tears, i felt like, for most of the day. Just tired and stressed and homesick. I had a lot of opportunity to pray in the evening and thus felt better by the end of the day. I think God is the only way I shall survive this summer. (Actually I KNOW this).  
We have meetings every day but sunday that start at 6 45 am and our days end at 9 30pm. I get 6 hours of sleep at best. I am tired. If you read this.. you may pray for me. I would appreciate that. 


My free time has ended. Maybe someday I can write more about the good parts.