The end has come for the year 2011 and as the new year approaches I thought it would be a good time to reflect on how I have grown in Jesus this year. Which got me thinking... it seems that New Years is advertised as a big deal because it's your time to think and reflect and start over. Of course that is what a lot of people do when the new year comes.. I mean.. people *try* to do that. They try to make the new year sound like some deep meaningful mile marker that is so great an achievement that we should all pat each other on the back and give free high fives. It sounds silly.. but it's true. Why is it that people try to make New Years into something so big?
I've found that people see New Years as that chance to start over, turn a new page, if you will. It's a nice concept. I feel like New Years might mean a lot more to non-believers because their chances to "start brand new" only happens once a year...ish. Thank goodness God's mercies are new every morning. No one has to wait for the New Year seeing as God is available 24/7, but since a lot of people don't see any need to believe in God or ask God for help or include God in their lives... New Years is as good a time as any to attempt to create some order to one's life.
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the feeling of going through life blind folded. (Christians call it walking by faith.) Sometimes life is a bit like the game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey.. you're blind folded. Everyone is trying to tack a tail onto the thing and of course they look foolish as they blindly stick it where ever they think it goes and often finding themselves missing the mark by a long shot. Of course there are the kids who wait for their turn and watch where the other kids put their failed tails and attempt to grope out the right spot with their fingers while wearing their blindfolds... a noble effort.. but still off.
People blindly try to pin the meaning of things all over their life. Death... why do people die? What comes after you die? What is one's life purpose? Life.. What did I do with my entire last year? What should I do this coming year? What's the point of New Year's resolutions if I know I'm not gonna follow through? We try to tack on the answers and meanings where we think they go. We try to follow the examples of others and feel out the answer from what others have tried.
But, Jesus is like that kind adult that would take the blind folded person's hand and guide it to the right spot on the donkey. It doesn't always feel right because there are no other tails around it cuz everyone else has missed the mark by a long shot and it feels like you're just tacking the tail on in the middle of nowhere. But Jesus know what he's doing, he's got answers. Alls we have to do is trust him.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Christmas Cheer is In the Air!
 |
| My Calvin nd Hobbes cookie... I was told he looked like Charlie Brown.. |
Decorating cookies is fun! :) |
| Add caption |
 |
| I turned the Christmas stocking cookie upside down and it looked like a llama... So I decorated it accordingly. |
 |
| It was quite the spread we had going on.. |
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Puddle Hopping with Jesus
I was originally working on a Christmas-y post... but while doing my quiet times this morning, Jesus brought up a very interesting concept that I've never really thought about before. No worries! Christmas posts will be coming soon!
It is currently Wednesday of finals week here at Iowa and I am happy to say I'm completed 3 of my 4 finals and I have been blessed with some down until my final final on Friday morning. Last night as my roommate and I began planning out our next couple days of freedom and relaxation before we both take our last final (studying? pshh) we came up with a list of fun things to do. Somewhere in my evening whilst enjoying a nutella chocolate granita and trolling on facebook I was asked the question via text message "how are you doing internally?"
It was at that moment that I had realized I had spent my entire day studying and taking exams and I hadn't spent anytime with Jesus at all during my day..unless you count all the prayers to do well on my exams along with a half hearted prayer of thanks for my lunch... I don't think that counts though. The text message was just like that time in the day when you've been busy all day and someone asks you "Have you eaten yet?" and then all the sudden you realize you're really hungry.
Last night I realized that while I don't feel like I'm starving to death spiritually and I don't feel like I've put up any walls between me and God, I don't feel filled with His spirit either. I've missed that. That moment in high school when I realized what it was to fully surrender to Jesus, that was a good moment. I was so incredibly full of joy. SO incredibly in love.
Just now I was talking to Jesus and thinking about how many times since that moment that I've been stuck in the mud and mire and have needed Jesus to pull me out and place me on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. I asked Jesus, "why is it that I keep doing that? How do I keep finding myself in such deep pits?" I know if you've read my blog before you've seen me ask that question before and have witnessed my discouragement on more than one occasion.
This morning, my kitchen was quiet and there was stillness and there was Jesus. Jesus gave me such a wonderful answer to my question. In the spring time, when the snow has melted and it rains a lot and things flood and mud puddles form all over the place, I have often enjoyed putting on my oldest, worst set of clothes and jumped in the mud puddles with my brothers and friends. It's a lot of fun. Sometimes it's so fun that we laugh until our sides ache and find ourselves hopelessly stuck in the mud whilst tears of joy roll down our muddy cheeks.I remember one such instance of being very stuck in some thick mud and laughing so hard I couldn't get out. My friend endeavored to pull me out and found herself stuck as well. We both attempted to help each other but we weren't much use to each other seeing as we were both stuck. Someone had to reach in and pull us out. Some mud puddles are deeper than others. Some are stickier, some have worms, some look small and then turn out to be much deeper than originally thought. I *hate* worms. Hate hate HATE worms. I gag when I see them on the sidewalk after a good rain. But I still jump in mud puddles because it's so much fun.
And that's the trick of it all. As we walk with Jesus down the road of life there are hundreds of potholes and mud puddles along the way. We have to be careful or we'll fall in and get all muddy. But it would be far too much work to tip toe through the maze of mud puddles, they look fun! And we feel so compelled to have the fun of jumping in them that we jump in all of them. We move from puddle to puddle splashing along in our merry way.
Some times we're just splashing around and not suffering anything more than mud stains on our pant leg. Other times we find ourselves hopelessly stuck.. utterly and completely.
The answer to how we keep finding ourselves in the pits is that we keep jumping in. The answer to why we keep finding ourselves in the mud is that we think it fun. It looks appealing and we remember times we've splashed in little puddles and giggled in delight. We don't often remember the times we came out with worms between our toes or when it took Jesus' rescue helicopter coming in with a search party. We don't like to remember the times we were in the pits. Those were bad times.. hard times. Let's remember the fun times.. the moments of silliness and harmlessness...
King David once wrote, "Restore onto me the joy of your salvation." He's asking Jesus to remind Him of that first moment of being rescued. How incredibly sweet and joyful that was. He was in a hopeless pit just before that moment and he wanted to remember how it felt to be rescued. If we don't remember those moments.. we jump in big puddles again to see if they're still as sticky and dangerous and painful as people who've gone before us have warned. We think, "well, they probably weren't as strong as me so they couldn't resist the suctioning of the mud or the stickiness as well as I could." Wrong. Mud is mud. It'll getcha everytime.
And if you don't wash that mud off of you, it'll dry. It'll stain, it will become hardened to your person. I know a lot of people who are walking around with mud caked to their feet as heavy as cinderblocks cuz they don't let Jesus chisel it away for them. Seriously.. you're walk isn't gonna be going very fast with all that stuff on your feet. In fact, all that mud makes you clumsy and fall over a lot... into more mud puddles.
Psalm 40
It is currently Wednesday of finals week here at Iowa and I am happy to say I'm completed 3 of my 4 finals and I have been blessed with some down until my final final on Friday morning. Last night as my roommate and I began planning out our next couple days of freedom and relaxation before we both take our last final (studying? pshh) we came up with a list of fun things to do. Somewhere in my evening whilst enjoying a nutella chocolate granita and trolling on facebook I was asked the question via text message "how are you doing internally?"
It was at that moment that I had realized I had spent my entire day studying and taking exams and I hadn't spent anytime with Jesus at all during my day..unless you count all the prayers to do well on my exams along with a half hearted prayer of thanks for my lunch... I don't think that counts though. The text message was just like that time in the day when you've been busy all day and someone asks you "Have you eaten yet?" and then all the sudden you realize you're really hungry.
Last night I realized that while I don't feel like I'm starving to death spiritually and I don't feel like I've put up any walls between me and God, I don't feel filled with His spirit either. I've missed that. That moment in high school when I realized what it was to fully surrender to Jesus, that was a good moment. I was so incredibly full of joy. SO incredibly in love.
Just now I was talking to Jesus and thinking about how many times since that moment that I've been stuck in the mud and mire and have needed Jesus to pull me out and place me on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. I asked Jesus, "why is it that I keep doing that? How do I keep finding myself in such deep pits?" I know if you've read my blog before you've seen me ask that question before and have witnessed my discouragement on more than one occasion.
This morning, my kitchen was quiet and there was stillness and there was Jesus. Jesus gave me such a wonderful answer to my question. In the spring time, when the snow has melted and it rains a lot and things flood and mud puddles form all over the place, I have often enjoyed putting on my oldest, worst set of clothes and jumped in the mud puddles with my brothers and friends. It's a lot of fun. Sometimes it's so fun that we laugh until our sides ache and find ourselves hopelessly stuck in the mud whilst tears of joy roll down our muddy cheeks.I remember one such instance of being very stuck in some thick mud and laughing so hard I couldn't get out. My friend endeavored to pull me out and found herself stuck as well. We both attempted to help each other but we weren't much use to each other seeing as we were both stuck. Someone had to reach in and pull us out. Some mud puddles are deeper than others. Some are stickier, some have worms, some look small and then turn out to be much deeper than originally thought. I *hate* worms. Hate hate HATE worms. I gag when I see them on the sidewalk after a good rain. But I still jump in mud puddles because it's so much fun.
And that's the trick of it all. As we walk with Jesus down the road of life there are hundreds of potholes and mud puddles along the way. We have to be careful or we'll fall in and get all muddy. But it would be far too much work to tip toe through the maze of mud puddles, they look fun! And we feel so compelled to have the fun of jumping in them that we jump in all of them. We move from puddle to puddle splashing along in our merry way.
Some times we're just splashing around and not suffering anything more than mud stains on our pant leg. Other times we find ourselves hopelessly stuck.. utterly and completely.
The answer to how we keep finding ourselves in the pits is that we keep jumping in. The answer to why we keep finding ourselves in the mud is that we think it fun. It looks appealing and we remember times we've splashed in little puddles and giggled in delight. We don't often remember the times we came out with worms between our toes or when it took Jesus' rescue helicopter coming in with a search party. We don't like to remember the times we were in the pits. Those were bad times.. hard times. Let's remember the fun times.. the moments of silliness and harmlessness...
King David once wrote, "Restore onto me the joy of your salvation." He's asking Jesus to remind Him of that first moment of being rescued. How incredibly sweet and joyful that was. He was in a hopeless pit just before that moment and he wanted to remember how it felt to be rescued. If we don't remember those moments.. we jump in big puddles again to see if they're still as sticky and dangerous and painful as people who've gone before us have warned. We think, "well, they probably weren't as strong as me so they couldn't resist the suctioning of the mud or the stickiness as well as I could." Wrong. Mud is mud. It'll getcha everytime.
And if you don't wash that mud off of you, it'll dry. It'll stain, it will become hardened to your person. I know a lot of people who are walking around with mud caked to their feet as heavy as cinderblocks cuz they don't let Jesus chisel it away for them. Seriously.. you're walk isn't gonna be going very fast with all that stuff on your feet. In fact, all that mud makes you clumsy and fall over a lot... into more mud puddles.
Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.
Lucky for us, God doesn't grow tired of pulling us out of the mud. He's excited for that moment when you reach blindly for help and He's gets to grab your hand and pull you out. But more than that moment, He wants to keep holding your hand and walking you through the mud puddle mind field and keep your foot from slipping. He wants to guide your steps and give you joy. He wants to carry you when there's only enough room between the mud puddles for one set of feet.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Second Chance (Hillsong)
You called my name
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life
Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
When from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin
So it's with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope for change
The second chance I've gained
On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist
Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I'm now in love
With a Saviour
Bearing the marks of His love
So I'll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith's enough
To see mountains lift and move
And I'll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life
Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
When from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin
So it's with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope for change
The second chance I've gained
On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist
Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I'm now in love
With a Saviour
Bearing the marks of His love
So I'll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith's enough
To see mountains lift and move
And I'll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thoughts on Thanks
The day of Thanksgiving is now behind us and it was one of my most refreshing and needed breaks.
Unfortunately, remembering to be thankful is not something I have done on a regular basis. How sad it is we don't really remember our gratitude until that one day of the year and even then, our gratitude is short lived (if lived at all) after the big meal as we begin to prepare for Black Friday shopping, Christmas gatherings and, if your a student, finals.
It's almost like being thankful is another thing we've added to our checklist of things we *should* do but more often than not we *don't* do. And if we so happen to accomplish one of those things on our check list, we give ourselves a gold star, a pat on the back, and delight in the fact that we did something good.
Recently, I saw a quote posted on facebook that said "What if you woke up today with the things you thanked God for yesterday?" (Thank you to the person who posted that.) I shared it with my roommate and we both sat silently a minute as we began to comprehend the weight of that question. The truth is, I wouldn't have woken up with much. In fact, I probably wouldn't have woken up with anything. : /
Seeing as I lead a Bible study, I figured that this really important topic would be our next thing to learn and thus began searching out things about thanks and why it is so important. Why does it matter if we are thankful?
Here is what I found:
1)Your thankfulness keeps you close to God. How seriously huge is that?? When you think about people who "drifted away" from the faith, you don't picture someone turning 180 degrees and walking the opposite direction. Drifting is subtle. It's sneaky, it's hard to notice. When you're in a boat and decide to sit still in the water for a bit, unless you drop anchor, you're gonna drift. And if you're not paying attention, you're gonna eventually find yourself way off course and perhaps you will wonder how on earth you got to where you found yourself, but anyone could tell you that the water has a current and it will pull you with it while you idle in the water.
I imagine as believers, we are rowing upstream.
The world is like the water. It has a current. It pulls in different directions and really just wants to take you with it. It'll take whatever it can really. It's going the opposite direction that we're going and if it can find you in a moment where you are not rowing against it, it will surely cause you to lose some ground. It's strong. Beautiful, enticing, and sometimes dangerous. Sometimes it's calm and friendly and delightful and then storms come along and it is no longer friendly. It sends waves of discouragement that crash down on us.
Putting our faith in Jesus is like climbing into a boat. We are safe there and we can rest. We won't get eaten by the mean fishes and we won't drown. Sometimes when the storms come we get knocked around a little bit, but we're ok. We learn how better to grip onto our boat so we don't get too many bruises the next time.
Thankfulness is our everly so important anchor. Keeping the boat where it needs to and preventing it from dumping us out in very nasty storms. It keeps us from floating to some unknown place that we don't need to be. It allows us to rest and replenish. It is NEEDED. When storms are raging and we have no strength to row through life's difficulties anymore, dropping the thankfulness anchor is the best thing we can do. Sometimes we just have to ride out the storm and trust that for as much as your little boat of faith is getting jerked around in the waves and the currents, when the storm ends, your little boat did not move.
2) "It is impossible to be negative while giving thanks."
If someone were to ask me what my biggest pet peeve was I think I would answer "Complaining." Complaining for the sake of complaining. I hate the word 'suck.' Like when people have some complaint and then say "doesn't that suck?" Why yes! Yes it does. It sucks my joy right out of me. Someone once said, "Wise men count their blessings; Fools count their problems."
Phil. 2: 14-15
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky
3) Being thankful prevents burnout.
I recently heard a story about a man in his 80s that was so passionate about Jesus that, as a young man, he shared his faith wherever he went. It was not always easy, and he took a lot of flack for it. But still to this day he shares his faith. He was once asked, "What was it that kept you from burning out all those years?" "Thankfulness," was his reply. And thanks to this man who stayed thankful and did not burn out, there is one person a week coming to know Jesus.
"Seeds of discouragement will not grow in a thankful heart.
Unfortunately, remembering to be thankful is not something I have done on a regular basis. How sad it is we don't really remember our gratitude until that one day of the year and even then, our gratitude is short lived (if lived at all) after the big meal as we begin to prepare for Black Friday shopping, Christmas gatherings and, if your a student, finals.
It's almost like being thankful is another thing we've added to our checklist of things we *should* do but more often than not we *don't* do. And if we so happen to accomplish one of those things on our check list, we give ourselves a gold star, a pat on the back, and delight in the fact that we did something good.
Recently, I saw a quote posted on facebook that said "What if you woke up today with the things you thanked God for yesterday?" (Thank you to the person who posted that.) I shared it with my roommate and we both sat silently a minute as we began to comprehend the weight of that question. The truth is, I wouldn't have woken up with much. In fact, I probably wouldn't have woken up with anything. : /
Seeing as I lead a Bible study, I figured that this really important topic would be our next thing to learn and thus began searching out things about thanks and why it is so important. Why does it matter if we are thankful?
Here is what I found:
1)Your thankfulness keeps you close to God. How seriously huge is that?? When you think about people who "drifted away" from the faith, you don't picture someone turning 180 degrees and walking the opposite direction. Drifting is subtle. It's sneaky, it's hard to notice. When you're in a boat and decide to sit still in the water for a bit, unless you drop anchor, you're gonna drift. And if you're not paying attention, you're gonna eventually find yourself way off course and perhaps you will wonder how on earth you got to where you found yourself, but anyone could tell you that the water has a current and it will pull you with it while you idle in the water.
I imagine as believers, we are rowing upstream.
The world is like the water. It has a current. It pulls in different directions and really just wants to take you with it. It'll take whatever it can really. It's going the opposite direction that we're going and if it can find you in a moment where you are not rowing against it, it will surely cause you to lose some ground. It's strong. Beautiful, enticing, and sometimes dangerous. Sometimes it's calm and friendly and delightful and then storms come along and it is no longer friendly. It sends waves of discouragement that crash down on us.
Putting our faith in Jesus is like climbing into a boat. We are safe there and we can rest. We won't get eaten by the mean fishes and we won't drown. Sometimes when the storms come we get knocked around a little bit, but we're ok. We learn how better to grip onto our boat so we don't get too many bruises the next time.
Thankfulness is our everly so important anchor. Keeping the boat where it needs to and preventing it from dumping us out in very nasty storms. It keeps us from floating to some unknown place that we don't need to be. It allows us to rest and replenish. It is NEEDED. When storms are raging and we have no strength to row through life's difficulties anymore, dropping the thankfulness anchor is the best thing we can do. Sometimes we just have to ride out the storm and trust that for as much as your little boat of faith is getting jerked around in the waves and the currents, when the storm ends, your little boat did not move.
2) "It is impossible to be negative while giving thanks."
If someone were to ask me what my biggest pet peeve was I think I would answer "Complaining." Complaining for the sake of complaining. I hate the word 'suck.' Like when people have some complaint and then say "doesn't that suck?" Why yes! Yes it does. It sucks my joy right out of me. Someone once said, "Wise men count their blessings; Fools count their problems."
Phil. 2: 14-15
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky
3) Being thankful prevents burnout.
I recently heard a story about a man in his 80s that was so passionate about Jesus that, as a young man, he shared his faith wherever he went. It was not always easy, and he took a lot of flack for it. But still to this day he shares his faith. He was once asked, "What was it that kept you from burning out all those years?" "Thankfulness," was his reply. And thanks to this man who stayed thankful and did not burn out, there is one person a week coming to know Jesus.
"Seeds of discouragement will not grow in a thankful heart.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sometimes it takes Defeat
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
When I was in middle school there was this wonderful band that wrote a song called "Get Down" that contained these lyrics:
I'm sure you've had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can't carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In Your darkness He shines through
When you're crying He's your comfort
When your all alone, He's carrying you
Yesterday was that day for me. My day started out bad. I had prepared myself to leave my apt on time to walk leisurely to my bus stop and not be rushed. As it happened I could not find my apartment key anywhere and missed my bus in my efforts to search for the key. I ended up just leaving with out it and speed walking my fastest, arriving to class right on time but completely sweaty and exhausted. Defeated.
My next moment of defeat was lunch. I eat my lunch every Tuesday with two very negative people and one kind and encouraging person. While my kind person was busy reading something the negative people decided was the best time to attack. They made some really sharp comments that made me consider death as a sweeter alternative to our lunchtime. Defeated.
As I walked away from lunch I got a call from my sister saying that she didn't wanna give me a car to go home on Thursday on the chance that she might be able to go home the weekend after Thanksgiving. (I've been so home sick lately that the thought of home has brought me to tears on multiple occasions) The thought of having to wait to go home, cancel my plans to be poured into and encouraged just destroyed me. Defeated.
After that conversation, I went to my worst class. This class is HEL. And it's hell. History of the English Language. I'm not an English person. It's a linguistics class. I don't understand it and it's kickin' my butt. One of my negative lunch people is in this class and is quite proud of the fact that getting 100% or more on a test is no big and has reminded me several times that I'm clearly a lesser person for not being able to obtain the same grades. We got our grades back on our last test and I missed the 'B' by 1/2 a point. Defeated.
I am not a suicidal person, but there are days when I wonder.. why? Why life?
Perhaps even Jesus had days where he looked forward to the cross. If I were Jesus, I feel like I would a little bit.
There are days where I just want to give up. Throw in the towel, if you will. I've been ravished by the wolves long enough.
So last night after being defeated, demoralized, and destroyed, I cried for a very long time. Sometimes I just really like crying. When your heart is just raw and exposed and looks like it went through a meat grinder and there's nothing to be done to restore it, crying just works wonders. Of course God was whispering all the while, "Don't be defeated. Take heart, I have overcome"
Along with replaying my favorite David Crowder song, SMS(Shine) The lyrics
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?.....
In the midst of being completely defeated, God still comforted. I like that. I just wish He would reach down and fix all of it. I suppose if God removed all the mean people from my life I wouldn't get experience the super-natural power of forgiveness. If God gave me good grades I wouldn't know humility.
Alllll these things God does to get our attention.
Before last night, I don't remember the last time I was hearing God's voice speaking to me. When I'm most vulnerable, I hear Him best. But it stink that it takes such a hellish day to get to that point though. But His goodness always tastes better after a round of horribleness.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
When I was in middle school there was this wonderful band that wrote a song called "Get Down" that contained these lyrics:
I'm sure you've had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can't carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In Your darkness He shines through
When you're crying He's your comfort
When your all alone, He's carrying you
Yesterday was that day for me. My day started out bad. I had prepared myself to leave my apt on time to walk leisurely to my bus stop and not be rushed. As it happened I could not find my apartment key anywhere and missed my bus in my efforts to search for the key. I ended up just leaving with out it and speed walking my fastest, arriving to class right on time but completely sweaty and exhausted. Defeated.
My next moment of defeat was lunch. I eat my lunch every Tuesday with two very negative people and one kind and encouraging person. While my kind person was busy reading something the negative people decided was the best time to attack. They made some really sharp comments that made me consider death as a sweeter alternative to our lunchtime. Defeated.
As I walked away from lunch I got a call from my sister saying that she didn't wanna give me a car to go home on Thursday on the chance that she might be able to go home the weekend after Thanksgiving. (I've been so home sick lately that the thought of home has brought me to tears on multiple occasions) The thought of having to wait to go home, cancel my plans to be poured into and encouraged just destroyed me. Defeated.
After that conversation, I went to my worst class. This class is HEL. And it's hell. History of the English Language. I'm not an English person. It's a linguistics class. I don't understand it and it's kickin' my butt. One of my negative lunch people is in this class and is quite proud of the fact that getting 100% or more on a test is no big and has reminded me several times that I'm clearly a lesser person for not being able to obtain the same grades. We got our grades back on our last test and I missed the 'B' by 1/2 a point. Defeated.
I am not a suicidal person, but there are days when I wonder.. why? Why life?
Perhaps even Jesus had days where he looked forward to the cross. If I were Jesus, I feel like I would a little bit.
There are days where I just want to give up. Throw in the towel, if you will. I've been ravished by the wolves long enough.
So last night after being defeated, demoralized, and destroyed, I cried for a very long time. Sometimes I just really like crying. When your heart is just raw and exposed and looks like it went through a meat grinder and there's nothing to be done to restore it, crying just works wonders. Of course God was whispering all the while, "Don't be defeated. Take heart, I have overcome"
Along with replaying my favorite David Crowder song, SMS(Shine) The lyrics
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?.....
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome
In the midst of being completely defeated, God still comforted. I like that. I just wish He would reach down and fix all of it. I suppose if God removed all the mean people from my life I wouldn't get experience the super-natural power of forgiveness. If God gave me good grades I wouldn't know humility.
Alllll these things God does to get our attention.
Before last night, I don't remember the last time I was hearing God's voice speaking to me. When I'm most vulnerable, I hear Him best. But it stink that it takes such a hellish day to get to that point though. But His goodness always tastes better after a round of horribleness.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Answered Prayers
1 Thessalonians 5:17 "pray continually,"
Romans 12:12
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Recently in church my pastor talked about prayer and the importance of it. As Christians, it almost seems silly that we would need to be reminded to pray. It's like needing a reminder to talk to your best friend, or a reminder to talk to the person standing next to you that you see everyday. Silly. How is it that we come to ignore communication with God so much? I know I find myself lacking in my prayer time all the time. Thankfully God isn't like that way with me.
So, why don't we pray? I think a lot of us have come to think that God only answers prayers that really good people pray. That only the super Christians and such get their prayers answers because God is pleased with them. When we realize that our faith and intentional communication with God has been lacking we sometimes assume that even if we prayer God wouldn't do anything because we haven't been Christian enough for Him lately. Why should He do favors for people who don't always take Him seriously?
Unfortunately, this has been my thinking on more than one occasion. But the thing is, God doesn't just do favors. God always acts in a way that benefits those He loves whether you pray for it or not. If you need something, ASK for it! God wants to bless you. God does not bless on conditions. God does not say "If you do your quiet time consistently for 2 straight weeks I will give you whatever you ask for in my name." No, not how He works.
God wants to spend time with us. God wants to bless us. God does not base his blessings on good works we've done. And thank goodness! Because if He did than I would never have gotten a single prayer answered because my bad works outweigh my good works by a long shot.
So..how specifically can we pray? Does God care about details??
So specifically! Yes details! Last Saturday night I received a text message from one of my friends that is still in high school. She is helping with leadership on an upcoming youth retreat from her church and has been really excited about it. The text she sent me asked if I could pray that they get more people to sign up for the retreat because they needed a minimum of 15 people or they would have to cancel it. They only had 10 and since the deadline was soon it was looking a little on the sad side. I told her of course I would like to pray for that and at first was thinking I'd ask Jesus for 6 people to sign up just to make it more awesome when MORE than 5 signed up.. but than I thought.. why 6? Do really think it would be that hard for God to find people to go on this retreat? So I texted her back saying I would ask Jesus for 7 people to sign up because He likes the number 7 and it sounded like a good number to me.
I spent some time praying for it and thanked Jesus that he could do awesome things like that.
My friend was still a little worried cuz there was only a few days but of course I know that Jesus can do way big miracles in a couple of days... especially after Brazil and the visas.
The next day I received a text from her again saying "We have enough!!"
I was excited at this.. but also curious. If it was just 15 people than it wasn't enough because I prayed for 7 and so unless there were 17 people signed up for that retreat Jesus wasn't done working. So I texted back and asked if it was 5 more enough or 7 more enough.
Her response was this "She has 16 apps right now...and I still have one to give her..so that makes 17..thats so weird!!"
:D I had a grand time praising Jesus for that. I love when Jesus does that.
Romans 12:12
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Recently in church my pastor talked about prayer and the importance of it. As Christians, it almost seems silly that we would need to be reminded to pray. It's like needing a reminder to talk to your best friend, or a reminder to talk to the person standing next to you that you see everyday. Silly. How is it that we come to ignore communication with God so much? I know I find myself lacking in my prayer time all the time. Thankfully God isn't like that way with me.
So, why don't we pray? I think a lot of us have come to think that God only answers prayers that really good people pray. That only the super Christians and such get their prayers answers because God is pleased with them. When we realize that our faith and intentional communication with God has been lacking we sometimes assume that even if we prayer God wouldn't do anything because we haven't been Christian enough for Him lately. Why should He do favors for people who don't always take Him seriously?
Unfortunately, this has been my thinking on more than one occasion. But the thing is, God doesn't just do favors. God always acts in a way that benefits those He loves whether you pray for it or not. If you need something, ASK for it! God wants to bless you. God does not bless on conditions. God does not say "If you do your quiet time consistently for 2 straight weeks I will give you whatever you ask for in my name." No, not how He works.
God wants to spend time with us. God wants to bless us. God does not base his blessings on good works we've done. And thank goodness! Because if He did than I would never have gotten a single prayer answered because my bad works outweigh my good works by a long shot.
So..how specifically can we pray? Does God care about details??
So specifically! Yes details! Last Saturday night I received a text message from one of my friends that is still in high school. She is helping with leadership on an upcoming youth retreat from her church and has been really excited about it. The text she sent me asked if I could pray that they get more people to sign up for the retreat because they needed a minimum of 15 people or they would have to cancel it. They only had 10 and since the deadline was soon it was looking a little on the sad side. I told her of course I would like to pray for that and at first was thinking I'd ask Jesus for 6 people to sign up just to make it more awesome when MORE than 5 signed up.. but than I thought.. why 6? Do really think it would be that hard for God to find people to go on this retreat? So I texted her back saying I would ask Jesus for 7 people to sign up because He likes the number 7 and it sounded like a good number to me.
I spent some time praying for it and thanked Jesus that he could do awesome things like that.
My friend was still a little worried cuz there was only a few days but of course I know that Jesus can do way big miracles in a couple of days... especially after Brazil and the visas.
The next day I received a text from her again saying "We have enough!!"
I was excited at this.. but also curious. If it was just 15 people than it wasn't enough because I prayed for 7 and so unless there were 17 people signed up for that retreat Jesus wasn't done working. So I texted back and asked if it was 5 more enough or 7 more enough.
Her response was this "She has 16 apps right now...and I still have one to give her..so that makes 17..thats so weird!!"
:D I had a grand time praising Jesus for that. I love when Jesus does that.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Nations Night and Painting Past Times
My Roommate and I are leading a Bible study together at our apartment. We recently had a night focusing on missions and God's heart for the nations... well.. we MEANT for it to be focused on that, after all that is what was talked about in the Salt Company's large group meeting. Our nations night was actually a fellowship night as we casually talked about the up coming missions opportunities and shared past experiences we've had.
In our efforts to make it a casual and friendly atmosphere, my roommate and I decided to serve "ethnic food"... we didn't have anything actually ethnic besides the rice and sweet and sour chicken.. but we all enjoyed it and had a great time together.
 |
| Tortilla chips w/ dip Pita bread w/ humus Sticky rice w/ Sweet nd sour chicken Pizza |
 |
| I fell in love with pita bread and humus after reading through the Old Testament and learning about the feast of unleavened bread. :) |
 |
| Ha.. not that pizza is very Italian.. but we tried. |
One of my roommates recently got bored with her phone cover and decided to paint it. I was sitting at the table watching her until she asked me if I would like to paint something. She offered me a tin can which I painted to kind of look like the Tardis from Dr. Who.... idk... it's a little sketch.
I also found a mug in my room that I had been given for attending a church over the summer. I was pleased with my results.
 |
| I'm not much of a painter.. as you can see.. but I enjoy such childlike pleasures. |
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Purity is Freedom, Freedom is Life
I'm sure anyone who grew up going to Sunday School can remember the song "Oh Be Careful little eyes" It went a little like this:
I never realized the absolute beauty in this song until now. But it's one of the best songs about purity I've ever heard.
It's about the time of year where everyone is coming down with colds and coughs and sinus pressures just feeling miserable. Or maybe they get to feeling depressed because the clouds are starting to linger more and occasionally spit out cold rain and they will soon be dusting the ground in fluffy white snowflakes.
Either way, it's not stuff that makes us uber excited for life or school or crawling out of bed.
First off, I'm not depressed. I enjoy the gloomy weather and have enjoyed this weekend with hot cider, hot coffee, hot chocolate, my quilt from my childhood, my teddy bear, and a good book. (I've also been listening to Christmas music.. but that's kind of illegal because Thanksgiving isn't here yet.)
My point of that little rant was that while there are lots of external things that can drag us down and put us in a bit of a grumpy mood, most of what puts us in grumpy, discouraged, sad day moods is internal.
When I am finding myself distant from God because of apathy, selfishness, or just filling my mind with things that don't really glorify God, I feel sick. I feel gloomy, exhausted or just plain sad day. One thing I've been learning lately is that I didn't realized how much stuff I let in affects my whole mood. For example, I don't usually watch TV shows. In highschool, my little brother and I would watch old M*A*S*H reruns and Growing Pains.. nothing really dirty or mind polluting.
In my college years I've simply not owned a TV at all and so I would only ever watch things at other people's houses or visits to home. Even those were not much more than hallmark movies and holiday specials. Now, I live in an apartment that has a TV with cable. Not that often feel inclined to watch TV on my own (I enjoy TLC a little) but I have often joined my roommates in their TV viewings. They're choice in television are usually shows filled with cuss words and sexual innuendoes.
But I've found, that I've come more and more desensitized to television.. especially when I'm sitting in the living room while the shows are being watched and while I'm preoccupying myself with other things and "not really watching them".. I'm still hearing it, and it's still going into my mind. A small virus. A little bug. But it has terribly disastrous affects on how close I feel to God.
The more I get exposed to, the more I feel thankful for having been home schooled and sheltered in a Christian community. I simply did not know all the dirty thoughts out there in the world and nothing I said was taken out of context and made into something gross. No one was talking about other people in degrading ways or cussing for no reason. I have only recently come to learn that guys think gross thoughts and are rather immature. Girls think about boys all the time. They talk about them. They rate them. Guys do that about girls. Blah. No respect.
Purity. Of all the friends I have ever had in the course of my life time.. I only know a handful that chose to give up their virginity before marriage. For those that still aren't married, as far as I know, they're still striving to maintain purity and honor God. So, to me, in my little mind, I've never thought of the idea of maintaining purity to be a challenge. I feel like in youth group there was an unspoken list of *really* bad sins that we should not to do: Murder, get drunk, do drugs, have sex outside of marriage, and steal.
Ok, so yes, the Bible does say not to do these things. But it's bigger than that. Purity is more than not having sex outside of marriage, purity is not watching TV shows or movies with things that don't glorify God. Purity is being careful what you read on the internet or in books or elsewhere.
Purity is freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. (Dictionary Definition.)
Purity is freedom.
Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Freedom is life.
Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
So when we feel it necessary to blame the weather or a simple head cold, ( or the person who cut us off in traffic, the slow checker at the grocery store, person who won't return your call, the co-worker or boss who makes your life miserable, or the teacher that assigns homework for no real reason other than wanting to make your life miserable and wanting to make sure you know the material so that you can graduate with a degree that means something) on why we are in a grumpy mood, perhaps we should first look inward. What have we been filling our minds with? What sort of things have we been watching or reading or thinking or doing?
Psalm 119:9
1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little ears what you hear
O be careful little ears what you hear
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little ears what you hear
O be careful little hands what you do
O be careful little hands what you do
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little hands what you do
O be careful little feet where you go
O be careful little feet where you go
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little feet where you go
O be careful little mouth what you say
O be careful little mouth what you say
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little mouth what you say
I never realized the absolute beauty in this song until now. But it's one of the best songs about purity I've ever heard.
It's about the time of year where everyone is coming down with colds and coughs and sinus pressures just feeling miserable. Or maybe they get to feeling depressed because the clouds are starting to linger more and occasionally spit out cold rain and they will soon be dusting the ground in fluffy white snowflakes.
Either way, it's not stuff that makes us uber excited for life or school or crawling out of bed.
First off, I'm not depressed. I enjoy the gloomy weather and have enjoyed this weekend with hot cider, hot coffee, hot chocolate, my quilt from my childhood, my teddy bear, and a good book. (I've also been listening to Christmas music.. but that's kind of illegal because Thanksgiving isn't here yet.)
My point of that little rant was that while there are lots of external things that can drag us down and put us in a bit of a grumpy mood, most of what puts us in grumpy, discouraged, sad day moods is internal.
When I am finding myself distant from God because of apathy, selfishness, or just filling my mind with things that don't really glorify God, I feel sick. I feel gloomy, exhausted or just plain sad day. One thing I've been learning lately is that I didn't realized how much stuff I let in affects my whole mood. For example, I don't usually watch TV shows. In highschool, my little brother and I would watch old M*A*S*H reruns and Growing Pains.. nothing really dirty or mind polluting.
In my college years I've simply not owned a TV at all and so I would only ever watch things at other people's houses or visits to home. Even those were not much more than hallmark movies and holiday specials. Now, I live in an apartment that has a TV with cable. Not that often feel inclined to watch TV on my own (I enjoy TLC a little) but I have often joined my roommates in their TV viewings. They're choice in television are usually shows filled with cuss words and sexual innuendoes.
But I've found, that I've come more and more desensitized to television.. especially when I'm sitting in the living room while the shows are being watched and while I'm preoccupying myself with other things and "not really watching them".. I'm still hearing it, and it's still going into my mind. A small virus. A little bug. But it has terribly disastrous affects on how close I feel to God.
The more I get exposed to, the more I feel thankful for having been home schooled and sheltered in a Christian community. I simply did not know all the dirty thoughts out there in the world and nothing I said was taken out of context and made into something gross. No one was talking about other people in degrading ways or cussing for no reason. I have only recently come to learn that guys think gross thoughts and are rather immature. Girls think about boys all the time. They talk about them. They rate them. Guys do that about girls. Blah. No respect.
Purity. Of all the friends I have ever had in the course of my life time.. I only know a handful that chose to give up their virginity before marriage. For those that still aren't married, as far as I know, they're still striving to maintain purity and honor God. So, to me, in my little mind, I've never thought of the idea of maintaining purity to be a challenge. I feel like in youth group there was an unspoken list of *really* bad sins that we should not to do: Murder, get drunk, do drugs, have sex outside of marriage, and steal.
Ok, so yes, the Bible does say not to do these things. But it's bigger than that. Purity is more than not having sex outside of marriage, purity is not watching TV shows or movies with things that don't glorify God. Purity is being careful what you read on the internet or in books or elsewhere.
Purity is freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. (Dictionary Definition.)
Purity is freedom.
Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Freedom is life.
Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
So when we feel it necessary to blame the weather or a simple head cold, ( or the person who cut us off in traffic, the slow checker at the grocery store, person who won't return your call, the co-worker or boss who makes your life miserable, or the teacher that assigns homework for no real reason other than wanting to make your life miserable and wanting to make sure you know the material so that you can graduate with a degree that means something) on why we are in a grumpy mood, perhaps we should first look inward. What have we been filling our minds with? What sort of things have we been watching or reading or thinking or doing?
Psalm 119:9
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.
1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Life is a Garden
"But if you will seek God earnestly and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.“Ask the former generation and find out what their ancestors learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. Will they not instruct you and tell you? Will they not bring forth words from their understanding?
Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh? Can reeds thrive without water? While still growing and uncut, they wither more quickly than grass. Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold. They are like a well-watered plant in the sunshine, spreading its shoots over the garden; it entwines its roots around a pile of rocks and looks for a place among the stones." Job 8:5-17
I have blogged earlier about my experience at camp over the summer, but I've come to realize something about it that I did not realize before. Camp had a much much huger impact on my life than I thought possible. My biggest camp rant blog is no longer posted but I can sum it up for you really quick: Camp was really really difficult for me. The hardest, darkest, summer of my life.
But!! Very recently I came to realize a very beautiful thing. God has been growing a garden!
You see, for some strange, odd, crazy reason, I started to apply to work at the same camp again for next summer. I surprised myself by it quite a bit. I'm not sure that I will go through with it and fully apply or anything... idk if that's really my heart's desire. But, one of the questions on the application was "How has God worked in your life over the past 6 months?" Well, let's see, 6 months ago was April so from April to October.. that puts camp right in the middle. I started answering that question in an email and had to start a Microsoft Word document because of all the paragraphs that had to go into answering that question. For real... God has done some crazy big things as a result. He's also done some sneaky, subtle things as well, beautiful things.
"What are these things?" You may be asking. Well, for starters, God taught me a huge big thing on how to be friends with girls. That probably sounds a little silly but, I grew up hanging out with my brothers. Climbing trees, building forts, shooting BB guns, starting fires, digging worms, playing in mud puddles... that kind of fun thing. My friends that are girls are not particularly girly or dramatic..and most of my friends are guys anyways. When staff training for camp started, I didn't know any of the other staff members. Just one of the program directors cuz she is a friend from school. It is my natural tendency to be better friends with the guys and not girls but I decided early on at camp that I probably should do that while at camp as that would be distracting to the campers and not a wise investment of my time as I have a boyfriend and forming any deep friendship bonds with other guys is just not a good idea.
So thus started the first bits of seed plantings in God's garden of me. I learned very quickly some things about girls that I did not expect or know originally. (You'd think that as a girl I would have had a heads up on these things.. but I really didn't have a clue).
The first thing I learned about girls is that they like to talk about boys ALL the time. Cute boys, nice boys, the staff boys, any boys. They compare which staff guys are the cutest, which ones seem to know the Bible best, which ones are treating the girls nicely...... OH my goodness. If *that* is not enough to make one go insane.. I also soon found out that girls cry a TON.
Ok, ok.. yes, I myself cried every day for the first 3 weeks of my being there which is an excessive amount of crying for anybody and probably the most I've cried ever. But I had good reasons for my tears and I never cried a single one of them in front of anybody. I always took them out to the middle of a field and watered the grass a little. But! Other girls, I found out, cry for any and every reason under the sun and they cry in front of people and on people and with people and it honestly amazed me. I am much like a guy when it comes to crying. Not completely, but somewhat. I do my best to do most of my crying away from people. If I see someone crying, my reaction is to walk away and let them cry by themselves as I know that it is what I would want. But! At camp I observed that when one girl would cry, another girl would rub her back and ask what was wrong and listen to her talk about her feelings offer advise and tell her it was gonna be ok and somehow that seemed to work. The first time I witnessed this I was rather amazed at the power of a back rub and the fluffy words of comfort. I got to observe it a couple of times as I roomed with 8 young women during the training weeks with 7 or 8 more girls just across the way. All my observing paid off and I learned how to do that whole comfort girls thing too! A skill that has proved itself to be most useful..especially during high school week where all 10 of my girls cried at different points through out the week and occasionally more than once. I've also got to use it sense the ending of camp. I'm truly amazed. It's still out of my comfort zone, but if God were ever to call me overseas to missions (He mostly will.. or is) my ministry would most likely be women. After all, there are not many cultures where it is acceptable for a woman to be all buddy buddy with the men. So, I'm rather proud of that skill I acquired.
Another thing that God was planting in my garden was a couple of friendship flowers. They were slow to sprout, slow to grow, but they are growing and they are beautiful. One being with one of the young high schooler jr. counselors. A very enthusiastic young lady who reminds me a bit of myself from a point in my life. She has a beautiful heart for Jesus that I am blessed to see take off in different ways.
The other flower being that of my friendship with Jessica. My friend that asked me to work at camp originally. We didn't see much of each other over the summer, but we both saw each other going through a difficult summer and so we encouraged each other along the way. And our friendship has grown a ton since camp. It is beautiful and she is wonderful.
Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh? Can reeds thrive without water? While still growing and uncut, they wither more quickly than grass. Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold. They are like a well-watered plant in the sunshine, spreading its shoots over the garden; it entwines its roots around a pile of rocks and looks for a place among the stones." Job 8:5-17
I have blogged earlier about my experience at camp over the summer, but I've come to realize something about it that I did not realize before. Camp had a much much huger impact on my life than I thought possible. My biggest camp rant blog is no longer posted but I can sum it up for you really quick: Camp was really really difficult for me. The hardest, darkest, summer of my life.
But!! Very recently I came to realize a very beautiful thing. God has been growing a garden!
You see, for some strange, odd, crazy reason, I started to apply to work at the same camp again for next summer. I surprised myself by it quite a bit. I'm not sure that I will go through with it and fully apply or anything... idk if that's really my heart's desire. But, one of the questions on the application was "How has God worked in your life over the past 6 months?" Well, let's see, 6 months ago was April so from April to October.. that puts camp right in the middle. I started answering that question in an email and had to start a Microsoft Word document because of all the paragraphs that had to go into answering that question. For real... God has done some crazy big things as a result. He's also done some sneaky, subtle things as well, beautiful things.
"What are these things?" You may be asking. Well, for starters, God taught me a huge big thing on how to be friends with girls. That probably sounds a little silly but, I grew up hanging out with my brothers. Climbing trees, building forts, shooting BB guns, starting fires, digging worms, playing in mud puddles... that kind of fun thing. My friends that are girls are not particularly girly or dramatic..and most of my friends are guys anyways. When staff training for camp started, I didn't know any of the other staff members. Just one of the program directors cuz she is a friend from school. It is my natural tendency to be better friends with the guys and not girls but I decided early on at camp that I probably should do that while at camp as that would be distracting to the campers and not a wise investment of my time as I have a boyfriend and forming any deep friendship bonds with other guys is just not a good idea.
So thus started the first bits of seed plantings in God's garden of me. I learned very quickly some things about girls that I did not expect or know originally. (You'd think that as a girl I would have had a heads up on these things.. but I really didn't have a clue).
The first thing I learned about girls is that they like to talk about boys ALL the time. Cute boys, nice boys, the staff boys, any boys. They compare which staff guys are the cutest, which ones seem to know the Bible best, which ones are treating the girls nicely...... OH my goodness. If *that* is not enough to make one go insane.. I also soon found out that girls cry a TON.
Ok, ok.. yes, I myself cried every day for the first 3 weeks of my being there which is an excessive amount of crying for anybody and probably the most I've cried ever. But I had good reasons for my tears and I never cried a single one of them in front of anybody. I always took them out to the middle of a field and watered the grass a little. But! Other girls, I found out, cry for any and every reason under the sun and they cry in front of people and on people and with people and it honestly amazed me. I am much like a guy when it comes to crying. Not completely, but somewhat. I do my best to do most of my crying away from people. If I see someone crying, my reaction is to walk away and let them cry by themselves as I know that it is what I would want. But! At camp I observed that when one girl would cry, another girl would rub her back and ask what was wrong and listen to her talk about her feelings offer advise and tell her it was gonna be ok and somehow that seemed to work. The first time I witnessed this I was rather amazed at the power of a back rub and the fluffy words of comfort. I got to observe it a couple of times as I roomed with 8 young women during the training weeks with 7 or 8 more girls just across the way. All my observing paid off and I learned how to do that whole comfort girls thing too! A skill that has proved itself to be most useful..especially during high school week where all 10 of my girls cried at different points through out the week and occasionally more than once. I've also got to use it sense the ending of camp. I'm truly amazed. It's still out of my comfort zone, but if God were ever to call me overseas to missions (He mostly will.. or is) my ministry would most likely be women. After all, there are not many cultures where it is acceptable for a woman to be all buddy buddy with the men. So, I'm rather proud of that skill I acquired.
Another thing that God was planting in my garden was a couple of friendship flowers. They were slow to sprout, slow to grow, but they are growing and they are beautiful. One being with one of the young high schooler jr. counselors. A very enthusiastic young lady who reminds me a bit of myself from a point in my life. She has a beautiful heart for Jesus that I am blessed to see take off in different ways.
The other flower being that of my friendship with Jessica. My friend that asked me to work at camp originally. We didn't see much of each other over the summer, but we both saw each other going through a difficult summer and so we encouraged each other along the way. And our friendship has grown a ton since camp. It is beautiful and she is wonderful.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Wait
A poem by Russell Kelfer in his book Wait: a Journey to Discovering the Heart of God
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
Friday, September 23, 2011
A Quick Jog Memory Lane
This serves no other purpose than entertainment and comic relief:
So, I was looking through pictures on my computer and came across some winners that never made it to facebook (for good reason) But I decided all of the sudden that it was such a happy memory I wanted to make it known. But first.. there is a story behind the picture.
So, WAY back a LONG LONG time ago before I was old enough to have claimed to develop much common sense and what not. Way back when brilliant ideas are instantly acted upon and tend not to turn out the way one is originally hoping, back when we're told to dream big and our results are always small... back when I was just an 18 year old caught in the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college, my brother Ken and I had a BRILLIANT idea.
So, when we were younger, my father kept about 50 live alligators in our basement in some pond liners. (They're like kitty pools but bigger and cooler). When the alligators grew up and moved to a different home we were left with the lovely pond liners that now did not have much of a purpose in our lives.
As time went on these poor little pond liners, feeling useless and lonely, began to sustain injury in their lack of being used. One had a large hole burnt into when a wild fire swept through and took all of our pine trees and half the garden. Another was made into a storage tub I think.. or maybe even borrowed and put to good use on some other farmer's land ( I honestly don't remember what happened to it) But that left us with one good pond liner still sitting innocently in the back yard relaxing by the chicken coop.
Which is where Ken and I found it on that fateful day. It was early June and the sun was gaining power in heating up the earth around us and we were starting to dream futuristically about the coming summer heat waves and our need to keep cool. Upon the finding of the pond liner, Ken and I observed it a little and than decided what we must do with it. We decided we MUST dig a hole in the back yard and put the pond liner into the ground like was its original intention and fill it with lovely water that would be heated in the summer sun and we would have a jacuzzi in our backyard! Well, okay, maybe not a jacuzzi exactly.. but we would have an in-ground pool!!! BRILLIANT!
So with a brief scoping outing of our back yard and the slope and all that stuff..(it was probs still about 10 in the morning on that fateful day) we first got out the lawn mower to contain the grasses and wild plants that were so rudely living where we wanted our pool. In our excitement to start digging we were mowing on the almost fastest setting (riding lawn mower) and maybe accidently mowed down a very large rock, a strange large chunk of metal and a garden hose. We have a push mower now. Any ways! With all that out of the way we returned ourselves to the garage and loaded ourselves with tools needed to perform such a task. With a couple shovels, a pick ax, and a sledge hammer in hand, we ex-marked our spot and began jumping on our shovels and began to dig our pool.
Perhaps if we were thinking we might have thought to ask Dad if we could dig up the back yard and plant a pool in it, or perhaps we would have picked a different location where the sheep hadn't lived for 10 years and trampled the dirt into being like cement, and perhaps we wouldn't have started digging on a hill.... meh.. who thinks before such things anyway? We are act-in-the-moment sort of people.
So anyways, it seemed whenever I jumped on my shovel, I just fell off of it. Ken could at least manage to break at least an inch or 2 into the ground. So that left me standing with the pick ax and encouraging Ken in his efforts. Along our way we uncovered a whole 8ft by 4ft metal fence that had fallen probably when we moved the sheep to the pasture and then had become eaten by the growing grasses that had taken over the spot where we wanted to dig our pool. We found some other treasures too, I think, but the fence was most exciting cuz it was very big and once it was removed we realized the ground actually wasn't as hard as we originally thought.
So, an hour or so later with sweat glistening on our brow, we took a break to drink the koolaide Eva had brought out as sustenance. We were very proud of our work as we stared at a 6ft by 5ft hole that was a proud 4-6 inches deep. After that we decided to take a break from our project and do other things inside the house.
Dad did not seem terribly disappointed by the hole we'd put in the back yard when he returned from work. It's not the first time we've brilliantly decided to dig a gigantic hole in the yard some where.. if I recall correctly, he gazed at our diggings, picked up the shovel we'd managed to break in the process of our diggings, offered a little encouragement by saying that it was a good start and then went to work on his garden.
Well, as often happens when Ken and I take a break from pursuing our dreams, we never went back to work on digging a place for the pool. Which was kind of nice when it rained a good 10 inches a few weeks later.
It was a Sunday afternoon and after I had been out and about doing something or other I went to my room to lay down for a nap. It was not more than 10 or 15 minutes later that I was awaken by a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it and was greeted by 2 very muddy, dirty, slimy looking boys.
Ken has this friend named Nate who is often at our house on Sunday afternoons.. and in the summer a lot more often than that. But anyways.. Ken and Nate.. were standing outside my door absolutely COVERED in mud. Ken was like "Hey Fern!! Come play in the mud with us!" and Nate was like "yeah! It's so much fun"
I was a little groggy at that moment from being awoken from the early stages of a nap and a little bit baffled at how they had snuck past Mom in all their muddiness and had entered the house, gone through the mudroom, the kitchen, the laundry room, the South living room, up the stairs, through the hallway, through Kyle and Kolby's room, and all the way to my room, tracking mud the whole way, and not getting caught or in trouble. Of course my response to such an invitation of playing in the mud was "OK!!! I will be right there!" and then threw a towel at them and told them to clean up their tracks.
So, I was looking through pictures on my computer and came across some winners that never made it to facebook (for good reason) But I decided all of the sudden that it was such a happy memory I wanted to make it known. But first.. there is a story behind the picture.
So, WAY back a LONG LONG time ago before I was old enough to have claimed to develop much common sense and what not. Way back when brilliant ideas are instantly acted upon and tend not to turn out the way one is originally hoping, back when we're told to dream big and our results are always small... back when I was just an 18 year old caught in the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college, my brother Ken and I had a BRILLIANT idea.
So, when we were younger, my father kept about 50 live alligators in our basement in some pond liners. (They're like kitty pools but bigger and cooler). When the alligators grew up and moved to a different home we were left with the lovely pond liners that now did not have much of a purpose in our lives.
As time went on these poor little pond liners, feeling useless and lonely, began to sustain injury in their lack of being used. One had a large hole burnt into when a wild fire swept through and took all of our pine trees and half the garden. Another was made into a storage tub I think.. or maybe even borrowed and put to good use on some other farmer's land ( I honestly don't remember what happened to it) But that left us with one good pond liner still sitting innocently in the back yard relaxing by the chicken coop.
Which is where Ken and I found it on that fateful day. It was early June and the sun was gaining power in heating up the earth around us and we were starting to dream futuristically about the coming summer heat waves and our need to keep cool. Upon the finding of the pond liner, Ken and I observed it a little and than decided what we must do with it. We decided we MUST dig a hole in the back yard and put the pond liner into the ground like was its original intention and fill it with lovely water that would be heated in the summer sun and we would have a jacuzzi in our backyard! Well, okay, maybe not a jacuzzi exactly.. but we would have an in-ground pool!!! BRILLIANT!
So with a brief scoping outing of our back yard and the slope and all that stuff..(it was probs still about 10 in the morning on that fateful day) we first got out the lawn mower to contain the grasses and wild plants that were so rudely living where we wanted our pool. In our excitement to start digging we were mowing on the almost fastest setting (riding lawn mower) and maybe accidently mowed down a very large rock, a strange large chunk of metal and a garden hose. We have a push mower now. Any ways! With all that out of the way we returned ourselves to the garage and loaded ourselves with tools needed to perform such a task. With a couple shovels, a pick ax, and a sledge hammer in hand, we ex-marked our spot and began jumping on our shovels and began to dig our pool.
Perhaps if we were thinking we might have thought to ask Dad if we could dig up the back yard and plant a pool in it, or perhaps we would have picked a different location where the sheep hadn't lived for 10 years and trampled the dirt into being like cement, and perhaps we wouldn't have started digging on a hill.... meh.. who thinks before such things anyway? We are act-in-the-moment sort of people.
So anyways, it seemed whenever I jumped on my shovel, I just fell off of it. Ken could at least manage to break at least an inch or 2 into the ground. So that left me standing with the pick ax and encouraging Ken in his efforts. Along our way we uncovered a whole 8ft by 4ft metal fence that had fallen probably when we moved the sheep to the pasture and then had become eaten by the growing grasses that had taken over the spot where we wanted to dig our pool. We found some other treasures too, I think, but the fence was most exciting cuz it was very big and once it was removed we realized the ground actually wasn't as hard as we originally thought.
So, an hour or so later with sweat glistening on our brow, we took a break to drink the koolaide Eva had brought out as sustenance. We were very proud of our work as we stared at a 6ft by 5ft hole that was a proud 4-6 inches deep. After that we decided to take a break from our project and do other things inside the house.
Dad did not seem terribly disappointed by the hole we'd put in the back yard when he returned from work. It's not the first time we've brilliantly decided to dig a gigantic hole in the yard some where.. if I recall correctly, he gazed at our diggings, picked up the shovel we'd managed to break in the process of our diggings, offered a little encouragement by saying that it was a good start and then went to work on his garden.
Well, as often happens when Ken and I take a break from pursuing our dreams, we never went back to work on digging a place for the pool. Which was kind of nice when it rained a good 10 inches a few weeks later.
It was a Sunday afternoon and after I had been out and about doing something or other I went to my room to lay down for a nap. It was not more than 10 or 15 minutes later that I was awaken by a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it and was greeted by 2 very muddy, dirty, slimy looking boys.
Ken has this friend named Nate who is often at our house on Sunday afternoons.. and in the summer a lot more often than that. But anyways.. Ken and Nate.. were standing outside my door absolutely COVERED in mud. Ken was like "Hey Fern!! Come play in the mud with us!" and Nate was like "yeah! It's so much fun"
I was a little groggy at that moment from being awoken from the early stages of a nap and a little bit baffled at how they had snuck past Mom in all their muddiness and had entered the house, gone through the mudroom, the kitchen, the laundry room, the South living room, up the stairs, through the hallway, through Kyle and Kolby's room, and all the way to my room, tracking mud the whole way, and not getting caught or in trouble. Of course my response to such an invitation of playing in the mud was "OK!!! I will be right there!" and then threw a towel at them and told them to clean up their tracks.
When I got myself outside to our happy mud hole, the happy boys were back sitting in it and enjoying it for all it was worth. So it wasn't quite a jacuzzi... but it was relaxing and wonderful all the same.
After I greeted my mud monsters, they greeted back by throwing mud at my face.
And somehow all that lead to me jumping in the mud with them and having a very fantastic time of it.
And then I realized there were worms in the mud and so we biked down to the flooded ditches and went swimming to wash off.
The End.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)