Deep, deep down, I want with my whole life to be impactful for eternity. I want all I do to be of value. Since I know the most valuable things are eternal, I tend to measure myself against my eternal impact.
Perhaps this is why I find myself discouraged so easily. When one sits at a dual monitor computer for 8 hours every day, moving around thousands upon thousands of human, earthly dollars so that one can have a few earthly dollars oneself, it's very easy to feel very insignificant.
There were a recorded 146 professions of faith during our days in the village. I was present for zero of them.. as far as I know. If someone decided they wanted to get their life straight with the Lord while sitting in our dentist chair getting their teeth pulled, I missed it. Not that I don't think someone might be motivated to prepare for death when a 2 and a half inch needle and syringe full of novacane is coming at their mouth, if they did decide then was the time to commit their soul into God's hands, I was not made aware of it.
The mission of BMDMI is to 1) Evangelize to the lost 2) Disciple the saved 3) and Serve the poor.
One of the things I keep having to process in my heart was how *MY* presence on the trip accomplished any of those things. There was never a point where I specifically spoke of Christ's love to any of our patients. I did not pray with any one, either.
One might argue that I actually did nothing real important, actually.
At least.. I argue that with myself just a little. After all, serving the poor is goal number 3 and is not as important as goals one and two.
However, I also argue that my own heart is a mission field and *I* was reached by all that was done. The thing of short-term mission trips, while they might not even be able to make a tiny dent in the needs, they put deep gashes into our hearts. The Lord breaks my heart in many ways all the time. With every rip in my heart, He uses something sweet to put me back together.
And so my heart has been stitched back up with the fabric of Nicaragua. With peace, with joy, with patience, with love. One of our dear Nicaraguan friends who did not come to the village with us this year came and visited us at the mission house in Managua on the last day. We caught up a little and after being back in the U.S. I expressed to him the difficulties of transitioning back to reality. How my heart longed to be back in Nicaragua and how I did have much joy in the routine and fast-paced go-go-go that I live in the U.S.
He is wise beyond his years and wrote back, cautioning me to not find my joy in Nicaragua. He said that even in Nicaragua, you can get sick of routine. This is something I should be so well practiced at this point I shouldn't need a reminder. But the reminder was soothing all the same. The joy of knowing Christ in ANY country surpasses all sadness and brokenness and blahs in which we find ourselves.
My hope is to someday move to Nicaragua. But I think I should not move any where until I have fully learned to be thankful and content in the circumstances the Lord has given me. Especially since it is different to be on a one-week medical trip with North American doctors vs. LIVING in the country with a routine same as I would in the U.S.
I've thought through the schedule of my day and how little I actually opened my Bible while on the trip. Well, it's not that I OPENED it little, is that it was not open for long and I did not read for whole chapters or books of it like I usually do. Reading one verse can sometimes feel like drinking with an eye dropper. BUT, I meditated on that verse about beautiful feet and what "Good News" was. Because I was just the dental help.
BUT!!! Here is what I learned. The body of Christ has many parts and the eye can't say to the hand, "I don't need you." I've known of that passage forever. Here's the whole thing: "Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”
I realized that in real life I struggle with feeling valuable to the body of Christ. Having a career and just contributing financially and showing up to Bible study and serving in the nursery and suffering through Awana doesn't seem like anything good to me. Honestly.. I just feel completely worthless.
And as I've thought about my role on the team in Nicaragua, it has crossed my mind that holding a flashlight while a chisel gets hammered into someone's gums does not seem like it is essential for sharing the gospel, but, it was a small facet of the team as a whole. The WHOLE team was important to sharing the love of Christ. AND SO as I've been trying to transition back to the US and feeling like I'm back to being of little value.
And as I've thought about my role on the team in Nicaragua, it has crossed my mind that holding a flashlight while a chisel gets hammered into someone's gums does not seem like it is essential for sharing the gospel, but, it was a small facet of the team as a whole. The WHOLE team was important to sharing the love of Christ. AND SO as I've been trying to transition back to the US and feeling like I'm back to being of little value.
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It's been a little more than a month now. If I was a good blogger, I'd proof read that previous bit for typos and to see if it flows well.. but life catches up.
That's the odd thing about missions trips, life doesn't really stop long enough for you to fully absorb all the lessons as you truly should. But maybe the key is to keep on reflecting and straining oneself to truly think what it meant to you.
Honestly, things have taken off at work. I'm officially official and have the job security I dreamed of a year ago and am gaining respect from co-workers and have a fulllll calendar with social engagements and people to reach out to and plans to plan and books to read and... things.
Life just.. keeps on moving. But, I am still taking to heart all of the things that hit me in Nicaragua.
THE BIG TAKE AWAY that I realized..as I was blogging about not being there for the professions of faith and what good was I actually.. Someone had to hold the flashlight for the dentist and help prep the needles and wash the tools and be there. IF JUST the pastors were on the trip, when would have have been able to stop and preach and pray with the people? If just the doctors were on the trip, who would have hefted the 6 tons of rice and beans and give the families their Bibles?
If just the dentists were on the trip, who would provide the glasses so the people could read the Bibles they were given??
That's the odd thing about missions trips, life doesn't really stop long enough for you to fully absorb all the lessons as you truly should. But maybe the key is to keep on reflecting and straining oneself to truly think what it meant to you.
Honestly, things have taken off at work. I'm officially official and have the job security I dreamed of a year ago and am gaining respect from co-workers and have a fulllll calendar with social engagements and people to reach out to and plans to plan and books to read and... things.
Life just.. keeps on moving. But, I am still taking to heart all of the things that hit me in Nicaragua.
THE BIG TAKE AWAY that I realized..as I was blogging about not being there for the professions of faith and what good was I actually.. Someone had to hold the flashlight for the dentist and help prep the needles and wash the tools and be there. IF JUST the pastors were on the trip, when would have have been able to stop and preach and pray with the people? If just the doctors were on the trip, who would have hefted the 6 tons of rice and beans and give the families their Bibles?
If just the dentists were on the trip, who would provide the glasses so the people could read the Bibles they were given??
All are important parts of the team. That's a small thing to realize.. maybe an obvious thing.. but the important thing I realized is, even though I'm currently working a career and not leading any sort of CHURCH organized ministry, it's still important. It's important for me to show up to Bible study and participate in the body. It is important for me to read my Bible on my own time so I can share what the Lord puts on my heart and encourage other believers. It is important for me to show up and hold babies in the nursery so mom's can listen to the sermons. It is important for me to show up to Awana (Even though it is the most difficult thing ever) and show love to the kiddos because it may be all the love they get in a week. At no point do I get to say, "I'm not important, I don't think I'll participate any more."
Alllllll members of the body are important. All people are important. Whether you have a career or no job at all. No matter if you're in a valley or on a mountain top, you're walk with the Lord is important for the whole body of believers. You can encourage and be encouraged.
And so, I've become more content with my job and position amongst my co-workers and friends and family.
And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for all who participate and bless me with their walks with the Lord. Who share their fruit of the Spirit with me. I'm thankful for how the Lord has pursued my heart and used my trip to Nicaragua to teach me to be content. I'm thankful everything on my platter and I'm thankful for you, Dear Reader. You're important. Never forget that for a second! You're important.
Alllllll members of the body are important. All people are important. Whether you have a career or no job at all. No matter if you're in a valley or on a mountain top, you're walk with the Lord is important for the whole body of believers. You can encourage and be encouraged.
And so, I've become more content with my job and position amongst my co-workers and friends and family.
And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for all who participate and bless me with their walks with the Lord. Who share their fruit of the Spirit with me. I'm thankful for how the Lord has pursued my heart and used my trip to Nicaragua to teach me to be content. I'm thankful everything on my platter and I'm thankful for you, Dear Reader. You're important. Never forget that for a second! You're important.
