July

Has it really been a full year since I moved out of Iowa City? Yes. Yes it has. I just can't believe it. It's been the fastest and slowest year of my life. 

I'm still not managing to stay in one place very long. I keep telling my friends that when the day comes that I'm in the same place for two weekends in a row I will have to celebrate. Who knows when that will be, though? For me, a 2.5 hour drive is as natural as going to the grocery store. In fact, I probably do more of those 2 hour stints than I do buy groceries. 

I'm still hunting a job. You'd think I'd become less picky as time drags on and desperation builds up. But when I think about it, there are a couple potential ideas that I've simply ruled-out for the time being. 

Also, the more I wait on a job, the more I dream about grad school and finishing out my goals and dreams. However, waiting on a job means that my funds for existence are slowly dwindling down and grad school seems less and less realistic. But! someday! 

In the meantime, amidst job applications and cover letters, I've been on the move. Popping back and forth between my apartment and the farm. Honestly, I can't really say if I truly live in Des Moines yet. I'm getting better at the street names and one-ways and traffic, but I haven't found any thing that makes me embrace it altogether. 

We'll see though! I've only been here two months. And not even that because I haven't fully stayed here all that long.  All of my decisions lately have been on whether I should stick around here and grow some roots or keep living in the moment and run from reality. 

I usually choose to run from reality. I spend enough time with reality as it is. 

So that takes me to now. It's Friday! And I'm in Des Moines, believe it or not. I'll be on the road again soon enough, but for today and tomorrow, I'll hopefully be in one place. 

I've thought a lot about The Lord in all of this. I've sort of asked for prayer in finding a job. I've sort of placed my trust in the Lord's hand and direction as I wait for an interview or a call or some indication that I have a chance at employment at some point in the near future. 

Sort of. 

The funny thing about being a believer is you never fully learn all of the lessons on trusting the Lord the first time or even the second or third. Or maybe it's just me? I don't believe it's just me. 

I think, deep down, I'm trusting the Lord. Deep down I know the Lord will provide the perfect job and put in the perfect place.  I know that, which is why I don't worry so much, I guess.

But actually, I've been a little anxious. Well, really anxious. Mostly because of my pride being all squashed and tromped on. Humans my age are expected to be established and independent and having their life altogether. I don't. I don't have my life together and I'm not 100% independent and I'm certainly not established. 

But, I'm learning to accept such humble circumstances and not worry after it too much. 

Waiting, you know? Still waiting.