God says, "Know"

Sometimes I forget that I ever started writing a book. 29 pages is still like a child's short story.. but maybe someday I will actually finish it. It will be called, God says, "Grow".. I think. That's what I'm calling it for now. Mostly because all while going through high school and doing a lot of street witnessing with my youth group, I always thought about writing a book called, God says, "Go". And I had done lots of Bible research, finding all the places where God told someone to go. To act. To follow, to obey. He tells us to go. 

However, when I took a Perspectives class my Sophomore year of college and became SO discontent with my life as a college student as I spent HOURS a week learning of all the people who were going and doing and obeying God's call in their life and *I* was wasting my life in college, I realized that 'GO" isn't always the message. The Lord told me to go.. yes. But He told me to be all there. College. I was a sophomore.. it was not the time to drop everything and move to Africa. 

What really hit me in the face was when, as a senior in college, I sat down with a missionary in Nicaragua and began discussing what it would look like for me to FINALLY go and move my whole self over to Nicaragua and be everything I dreamed of being since highschool.. a missionary. Yes I want to be a wife and a mom.. but a missionary would be SO great too. 

Someone who had walked by and overheard my conversation and my potential plans to begin Spanish classes so I could move over there without too much trouble asked me, "Fern! Are you thinking of becoming a missionary?" 

And then I realized.. I already was. The moment I entered into the Kingdom of God and said, "Yes, Lord. I will follow you." That was the moment I became a missionary. My whole life purpose is to point people to Christ. And I am going and doing in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it looks like me having someone sit on my couch, sipping coffee, telling me about what they're going through and me speaking whatever words of Truth the Lord gives me. Sometimes it looks like me rocking babies in a church nursery. 

Sometimes it looks like me putting money in the offering plate or driving to pick someone up for church. 

Life as a believer is life as a missionary. It doesn't take moving to Africa or India and raising thousands of dollars to live without electricity on straw mats in a mud hut. 

So the moment I realized that I was living my dream, and "going" every day, I shifted my focus to realize that, "yes, God says Go. And we go. But as we go, God says, grow." 

Grow! Grow where you are. Grow where He takes you. Grow at home, grow at church, grow at Bible study, grow on vacation, on retreats, in pain, in valleys, in darkness. Grow. Just grow. Grow your roots so that no matter what happens, you don't washout. 

I've thought about my book a few times lately and the progress I haven't made. It's coming, I promise! 

But you know what else I've encountered that's true of God? 

God says, "no."  Hahaha.. I chuckle. I laugh at myself because if there is ANYTHING I don't want to believe about God, is that he says 'no' to something that *I* think is a really great idea. 

I had a great idea for my life sometime last fall. And I *refused* to pray about it because I thought maybe God might say 'no.' I mean, I know the Lord, I'm kinda figuring out what He wants for me, and I had this little bitty hope but I figured if I didn't say anything, it could be as fleeting as all other hopes and my heart would be fine. 

I even told the Lord, "Alrighty Lord.. I'm gonna pray about this. But I don't want to because you're just going to say no." Maybe I thought I could reverse psychology God? My stupidity never ceases to amaze me, honestly. 

Sure enough, it was as I thought, God said no. But you know what, I'm really thankful. I'm thankful that my faithful God is steady and true. I could kind of sense that my good idea might not be the BEST idea.. but sometimes I like to play the, whatever-my-heart-has-been-damaged-before-what's-one-more-time card. Like.. I'm a live in the moment person. I occasionally ponder consequences.. but I don't actually really care if the present thing seems really great. You know?

But God won't let us have anything less than what's best. I appreciate that. I appreciate that my future is more valuable than my present desires. 

God is good. Even when He says, "no." Especially when He says, "no"... ESPECIALLY. 

Because you know what? "No" can be one of the most loving things anyone ever says to you. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right? 

How many times did I have to say "no" to my nanny kids out of my deepest wish for their well beings?  But really.. if God said yes to everything, I wouldn't be all that convinced that He cared. 

Maybe when God says, "No" its sung on the same wave length as "Grow" and we can't actually distinguish what He said. "Grow, Fern. Grow."

When you're looking for a "Yes," or a "no" Maybe you should always prepare your ears to hear, "Grow." Because if He says, "Wait" He actually just said, "Grow." If He said, "Yes" He said, "Grow." 

And if He straight up says, "No. No way. No." He said "grow." 

Grow in your faith, grow in your truth, grow in love and truth and grace. Grow in obedience and compassion and selflessness. Just grow. 

And above alll else, prepare your ears to hear, "I love you." Because that's what He said louder than His other answers. He withholds no GOOD thing from those He loves. He knows the plans He has for you! Plans to prosper you and not to harm you! Plans to give you a hope and a future! 

Plans. Plans that require some "no." Plans that require you to be still and know. Know that He is God.