Patches and Peace

I can't believe how quickly April came and went. The grass is now a beautiful green and the leaves on the tree are putting forth a gallant effort to prove to the world that, yes, they are indeed still alive. 

It's a rainy sort of Monday. I find it to be relaxing, honestly. I think if there is any one grain of sand that really gets under my skin, it's complaining. People who complain make m want to complain about their complaining. It's a vicious cycle. Obviously I can't blame my bitterness towards the subject on anyone other than myself. 

But as a practice, I try to think of something to be thankful for in all things so that the bitter seeds of complaint get choked out by the fruits of the spirit. However, you have to be cultivating the garden that is your heart if you actually want to see growth and beauty come from it. 
I don't know what it was that first cause me to slow in my pursuit of the Lord's peace and good grace, but my heart has not fully been at rest these last few weeks.

I've gotten more work hours and the weather has been nice. That equals me not sitting down for three hours of my spare moments to meet with Jesus and keep Him in my inner most circle of friends. I think since I have quite come to love sitting with God for many hours at a time, if I just have 20 minutes or half an hour, I feel like I wouldn't have enough time and so I give it up altogether.

That is silly, obviously, but I tend to have a silly thought process most of the time. But, for as many days that have gone by without me penning a prayer in my journal, the deep, unmoving sense that I am loved to the bottom of my heart never changes, never shakes, never leaves. 

I've heard many Christians says, "I need to recharge my spirit life" as if they run on a battery pack apart from a source and are off wondering around and half to return on occasion. But, at the point where The Lord promised, "I will never leave you or forsake you" that is the point where peace tells you that you will never be disconnected from the source. You may ignore it, perhaps, and satan might make you to believe that you are, but you aren't. And you never will be.

Part of why my heart is not at peace is because I sense my friend group shifting ever so slightly. 
My friends were stitched into the fibers of my heart when I needed them most and the tugging and tension I feel as life begins to move towards change and new adventures has me ill at ease, once again. For the longest time, last fall, I worried and worried that things would not be the same when he school year started. But, my friends stayed and we made more memories. And then I graduated and worried that things would change since I'd be working more, but things stayed and we grew closer and made more memories. 

But the clock is running down. Two months. Two months more before changes really change officially. When I first moved to Iowa City, I dreaded it and hated it and prayed for the day I would leave again. But now, five years later, my heart is quite in love and I have my heels in the ground about replanting my life, again. 

But the adventure of following The Lord is too great to pass up. I've thought about plopping down right here and now and calling Iowa city my forever home. My heart would be happy, yes, but I know there is more out there, with a Heavenly Father like my own, I know there is more than  my breaking heart can comprehend and that the next adventure will help re-stitch the fabric that is being tugged and torn now. 

One of my good friends has encouraged me to think about this precious, blessed time of my life as the sunrise to a good day...rather than the sunset. It has been really encouraging to boldly ask The Lord to set my heart at peace as I take on that perspective. I just feel so loved in how I have been pursued by my friends. 


Even last night, one friend came over and then another insisted we come help make pie. And we did, we spontaneously jumped in the car to join our friends for laughter and joy and priceless memories. It overwhelms me to think that The Lord would love me so much and bless me so far beyond the capacity of my heart. I'm sure that is why my heart has to break, though.just so The Lord can make it bigger by adding patches and reinforcement. 

My friends and I have been discussing how we are not called to be comfortable. But we want people to feel comfortable at church when they come. Or welcomed at the very least. I think the real answer that we should not feel comforted by situations or circumstance but, rather, by the peace of the Holy Spirit reassuring us that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I know this blog post is quite unorganized, but I think the big point I'm trying to communicate is that, I am so thankful for this time of life and the many blessings I have and I am struggling with moving on to the next big adventure, but ultimately, I know The Lord goes before me.

However, my heart aches with the growing pains of being stretched to new capacities. But alls I can do is surrender. 

A Peace of God

"And the Peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts"

I don't usually start typing up blogs at 11pm. Usually, a blog comes 2 hours into a 4 hour sit-down with the Lord. But, I attended Salt Company tonight, so that kind of counts. I love time with Jesus in any form! And time I get to interact with humans brings me to life in a major way. 

Oh how I love people!! Words do not even express how much I enjoy human interactions. 

But, peace. I love knowing the Lord and having a peace that goes beyond all comprehension continuously guarding my heart from disappointment or Satan's lies. Seriously. It makes all functions involving humans reallllly great. :) 

I'll let you in on a special secret about me...which isn't secret since I've probably said this in my blog before, but one of my life hopes is to some day be married and have a family. And it's a surrendered hope, obviously, because the Lord will do what He does and ultimately whatever happens will be the most fruit-producing, joyful harvest whether I expected it or not. 

I think some people worry that it might not be the Lord's will that they get married. And they panic a little and are like, "Oh no! What if it's not God's will?? Is it wrong for me to desire to be married when it's not God's will!?" Aye yi yi.. calm down, Sparky. I mean... the thought has crossed my mind too, though.  Okay, so 22 isn't old yet. I'm very content and happy to be 22 and single. Heck, I'm living a wild dream of a life. I'm quite thankful that I have yet to be found by my future husband seeing as I am rather too in love with a fast-paced social life to settle into wife-hood just yet. And I'm not saying being a wife means you can't have a face-paced social life... I'm just thinking that I'll probably end up with an introvert who would rather I not have 20 people over for supper with 20minutes of warning multiple nights a week. 

What's this got to do with anything? Well, honestly, it takes all pressure off of everything. A lot of people feel the pressure to be impressive and looking their best when they go out places, "just in case they meet The One." And, as a Jesus-loving single person surrounded by a whole room full of Jesus-loving peers... I mean.. ermergersh..what if HE is herrrrre!?? 

Here's what I love about Jesus. He's my future husband. He's my everything and my always. And His plan has thus far proved to be perfect and wonderful and amazing beyond words.  And His timing is beyond perfection. 

Basically, I'm not waiting for a future husband. I'm living. I mean, obvs I'm saving myself for my future husband... but I'm having a heck of a great time loving Jesus in the mean time. The adventure of loving God waits for no man. They are always! Always life is an adventure!! And I will enjoy my adventures with all the many friend blessings the Lord has placed in my life. And some day all my adventures will include my man-husband. When the Lord times it just so. When some man out there surrenders His heart well enough to the Lord to be worthy of all the many details Jesus has spent hours and days and years putting together on His workbench. ;) 

But for now, the peace the goes beyond understanding makes it really great to interact with all my peoples because the only body I wanna impress is my Jesus. And I can love people without feeling like I have to be impressive. Because Jesus. *sigh* Can we all just love Jesus? I mean, He's so great. Everyone should know Him. 

Basically, yeah.