The little girl cradles a precious bouquet of roses that were gifted to her by her father when she was sad. She loves them and thinks they are beautiful. They bring a lot of joy just to see them. They're fragrant is sweet and their beauty is soothing. They make her think of her father and she loves him.
At last, the father extends his hand and asks for the flowers back. She doesn't want to. They are hers, after all. She adores them. Then she asks, "Why? What did I do wrong?"
"You did nothing wrong. It's just that those flowers are fading. They're not as sweet and the pedals are not as soft. You cradle them too much and the thorns have cut your hands. " The little girl rather liked her flowers and was stubborn to let them go. She liked flowers and she didn't like it when someone wanted to take away what was given to her and she loved. So what if they weren't what they once were. Her heart had come alive to these flowers and it would probably die with them too.
But the father was patient and took her hand and led her out into a whole big field of flowers. He told her, "there are many more flowers to be held and loved and cared for and watered. But if your hands are full of these other ones, how will you be able to gather new ones? Let me take these and care for them for you. Let me water them and nourish them. They will be okay and you will be okay. Just trust me" And the little girl was left staring at the field....
And that's usually the moment I wake up. I keep having that same dream. Well... last night was the first time in a while... but I had that dream many times leading up to my move from Iowa City. I asked the Lord what it was supposed to mean and of course He kindly told me that I need to surrender to having new friends and new people in my life. "Blessings come in seasons, Fern. They are there for when you need them. They are like flowers. They start small, they grow, they bloom, they fill the room with sweet smells and they bring joy at the very sight of them. But they are temporary. If you keep them past their time, the sweet memories will only be replaced with the sadness of their fading or the pain of the dry thorns poking your skin. "
Obviously thinking about giving up blessings makes me sad so I didn't let myself dwell on that too much more. My first week at home I cried everyday... multiple times a day. Without ever spending anytime with the Lord. Starting week 2, I helped at a Bible camp for girls alongside my cousins. I didn't know the other counselors or volunteers, so I went into my introverted self. ( I have an introvert side when my extrovert has died a little bit inside).
On one of the days, I found myself sitting by the piano player and a few other counselors as we impromptu worshiped while our girls were off at different activities. The worship switched into praying... the kinda praying that involves your partner asking for a picture from the Lord so as to bless you. My partner didn't know me and I didn't know her. Our first interaction ever was when she was like, "I'll be your partner! What's your name?"
In my mind I was thinking, "Well, Lord, your spirit better show up because I'm not gonna be good for making anything up on this one..."
We prayed a little and then sat in silence.... and we kept sitting in silence. And then she opened her eyes, "All I keep getting is, 'little girl'... does that mean anything to you?"
Instantly, the image of the little girl in the field came flooding back to mind and I was a little caught off guard by it.
Funny Lord.... you're funny. *roll my eyes*
I began to tell her about how the Lord had been showing me the little girl in the flower field and how I had just moved here and knew no one, and had no clue how to meet anybody new. She listened and offered sweet encouragement before praying that the Lord would bless me with community.
That moment was sweet. But it was just a moment.
Here I am.. four weeks later. My mom has been super sweet and has been contacting churches with college ministry and told me that tonight there is a Bible study for college-age young adults. But it's meeting in a town thats about 40minutes away. She said something about finding someone for me to ride with... and everything about that sounds altogether too intimidating for me. Maybe next week?
I'm fairly confident in a lot of situations.. but there are a few things that are way too much that I just can't even. Mostly things that have to do with strangers. I'm rather terrified of people I don't know. My friends, Shane and Anne, found this out when we went Amish hunting one night. It was on our list to get spotlighted by Amish and we had been told that if we simply sit in our cars at the end of their driveway, they will shine their spotlight on you. I liked that.. because cars are safe. And they can drive away if need be.
Our first attempt did not go well and was very short lived since I was the one piloting the car and was totally terrified just by sitting in the driveway. The moment one of my passengers reached over and honked my horn for me took the last drop of courage on account I figured if an Amish man came out now.. he'd probably want to shoot us. So we left. At which point I made my more brave and level headed friend drive since I seriously doubted my ability to drive safely in the event of Amish spot-lighting. My friends could not comprehend the level of discomfort and un-easiness I was experiencing at the whole idea... I mean.. we were just in a car, and it was just an Amish light... but I could have died.
Because strangers.ughhhk. Although we failed to get spot lighted the first 2 nights of attempts, my very last night in Kalona worked out very splendidly as we not only got spotlighted at one house, but managed to encounter Amish on accident when we stopped to run over some frogs and an Amish man just popped out of the ditch and asked if we had hit a dog. "No.. just a toad, sir" ..... :)
All that is to say... walking into a room of strangers.. or getting in a car with strangers.. doesn't sound fun to me. Some day I'll have courage, though. I think? Idk...
In the mean time, Ken and Kit were both home last night and it was similar to my senior year of high school in that we watched a movie with the younger siblings and we were just... together. Just us six.. Just like old times...except Kit and Ken are now adults, and Eva can drive and Kyle and Kolby are big enough to take me down and sit on me and keep me pinned down until they choose to let me back up.
After crawling in bed around 11:30pm, and being almost asleep, Kit knocked on my door and informed me that I wasn't going to sleep just yet. "I'm not?" ..."No. There's a meteor shower right now and you and I are going to watch it."
So we crawled out on the roof watched the stars. It was a beautiful meteor shower. I think I saw at least 20.... we chatted about life and then sometime before 1am we crawled back through the window and i fell asleep very easily.
Today is another day at the office. Since it's 30 miles to the office from the house, Dad and I played count-the-amount-of-semis-carrying-rock-or-grain on the way here this morning. There were 5 grain semis and 4 rock.... I think I would enjoy that game more if I had a cup of coffee or two before hand.
You learn a lot of things driving with Dad. He explains the different flowers and weeds in the ditches and how they came to be planted there. He talks about how well the ethanol plants are doing and how there used to be 45 million buffalo in Iowa back when the Indians used them for eating. He points out the corn that will be late when it's time for harvest and the beans that have too many weeds to be any good. If nothing else, by the end of this term, I will be quite up to date on what steps it takes to kill Skeleton Weed and how much drainage will cost the poor farmer who has a flooded field.
If I get around to meeting humans, I'll let you know. :)
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