I think anyone in any situation or religion has or does struggle to understand the true meaning of this verse. I mean, even *I* struggle with it every day, basically. For myself it is the struggle of thinking I'm a terrible person if I don't spend time reading the bible every day. Or being a slave to an idea that I have to be a certain way or whatever.
I think the whole foundation for the "not good enough" lie is built on the idea that we are not totally and completely free. I mean, if we are "not good enough" then there is obviously a standard of what good enough is that we are enslaved to or belong to. If there was no rule, no standard, no baseline minimum, then the lie would have nothing to stand on and would dissolve much quicker.
If we truly let Jesus set us free, we wouldn't struggle to be good enough.
Since that lie had me in a choke hold at the time I met "My Mennonites", I had a lot of questions and hesitations right off the get go since I am everything short of being a proper Mennonite girl, and I felt like I should just have "never good enough" tattooed on my forehead. But Jesus was in the process of repairing my heart that was reduced to strands, and being never good enough wasn't going to stop me from saying yes to my invitations to sit around a fire under some stars. Because, at that point, it could have been anybody asking me if I'd like to smell like smoke for a night, I just wanted to be close to Jesus and under the stars was the perfect place to be broken.
As if literally wounded on the inside, sitting and just hearing my new friends singing hymns felt like The Lord was performing an operation and I was completely powerless to fight it anymore.
The Lord literally plopped me in the middle of the most interesting friend group out of nowhere..,(I mean there's no explanation for it besides The Lord, ) and was like, "here you go, Fern. Here are your friends and this is how you know I love you and care about you." And they were perfect.
They were perfect because they weren't perfect and they didn't try to be. They didn't try to conform to any set standard and they didn't try to be impressive or amazing. They just were. They talked about Jesus and sang hymns all the while shooting guns and eating bacon. They were free. Free and wild...but mostly free. They loved Jesus and conformed to nothing. Jesus knew I needed that.
But the fascinating thing to me was that while the men seemed free, the girls were held to some standard of skirts and head-coverings. I probably shouldn't even blog about it since I'll probably offend someone, but I'll hope the thin ice doesn't break too badly. :/
I, of course, had a lot of questions about what a head covering was for and why girls had to dress a certain way but guys could wear whatever they wanted. I managed to offend a few men in the process of being curious, but, I mean...the only way I knew how to describe a Mennonite was "Amish with electricity".
I mean..I was homeschooled and I grew up seeing girls dressed in jean skirts that covered their heads and cussed and smoked and drank with the best of them. They were holier than thou but a good deal of them didn't turn out like they loved Jesus. So that stereotype left a bitter taste in my mouth for the kind of people who wore it on the outside and not on the inside and half the time, they'd be cursing like a sailor whilst adjusting their itching head covering. Of course I was skeptical of if the dress code meant anything or if it was just a rule. Just a thing.
I'm sure for some..it could very well be just a thing... But I haven't met one like that yet. They love Jesus, they feel convicted by a verse in 1 Corinthians and you see that conviction in how they dress.
I love that. It has been super inpactful on my heart because being surrounded by people who literally wear their convictions on their sleeves teaches you a lot about how you choose to display Jesus in your life.
On our list of things to do before moving apart, Amanda, Anne and I had "make friends with an Amish" and "ride in a buggie". Those two things were probably my biggest wishes and the ones I also thought were most impossible. I mean, how the heck do you friend an Amish??
Well... When you know a guy who knows a guy...
It was a rainy sort of day on Saturday and we found ourselves not doing much besides reading our bibles and trying to understand one of Jesus' parables about the shrewd manager.
But..it was THEE big day. Our friend was going to take us to friend an Amish man. I can't tell you how stoked I was! People who grew up around Amish don't understand that my heart was beating SO fast and I may have been shaking a little... but this was like, meeting a character from a book or a movie. This was a dream coming true.
It was raining when we arrived at the Amish man's home and we all definitely struggled with words to say. I mean, who doesn't have a billion questions about how Amish live life?? When you have a real life Amish standing in front of you in his straw hat and cowboy boots and suspenders and button up shirt, there's no socially appropriate way to start the conversation. What are you going to say...? "Nice to meet you! What's it's like not to have electricity? How do you keep warm in the winter? Why are you Amish? If married men wear beards, how do you identify a married woman? What if a man can't grow a beard? How do you see at night? Do you only use candles?" All these questions and more are tumbling over themselves in your head as you try to be polite and word them in a way so as not to be offensive.
Upon arrival, with us standing in the rain and him standing on his porch, he just stared at us and we stared back... usually Amanda and Anne are my backups... in the rare case that I have no words, Amanda usually jumps in to save me, but in this particular instance, no one had words. Our friend who had become our hero and set us up to meet the Amish man looked between us shy girls and his Amish man friend and was like, "well, tell him who you are, what you do." And that was the moment when in my mind I was like, "uhmm oh yeah.. who am I again? What do I do? I don't even remember!"
But the Amish man, named John, spoke first and offered us to come into a side room in their house. It had church pews in it and a couch and I think a shelf with a couple books on the very top row. We sat on some pews while John explained that church was at their house the last week. "Tell me about your church, what's it like?"
"Well, we meet in eachother's houses and we have pastors. We read the Bible and sing some songs..."
Finally converstation. Phew! I was so worried we'd be sitting in awkward silence til the rain stopped.
John was great! I've read books about Amish before, but I literally knew nothing about Amish before this. John, maybe 40something years old, 6 kids and a wife, a humble little farmstead, and a roofing business, sat on the pew facing us and telling us about his love for Jesus. "Amish, is a religion," he told me. It's the religion that believes that you have to be a really good, pure, person that can never know for sure but hopes they are "good enough" to get to heaven.
John sees it differently. He had a moment that God opened his eyes and he knew he was saved and the Bible made more sense to him. And he loves Jesus.
We spent 2 hours perched on those church pews in his house listening to him explain how free loving Jesus and being loved by Jesus makes him to be.
No, he does not have electricity. But he uses a cellphone for his job and he has a nook for his readings. No wifi, no fans. A solar panel on the roof of his house for charging his batteries...(Battery operated lights when the sun goes down). But he loves Jesus. He reads his Bible and memorizes in German and English. If his fellow Amishmen call him out for a "sin" he goes to the Bible and sees what God says about it. He feels fine about having a cellphone. He feels fine about the LED lights in his buggy.
You had to be there, but this man was filled with the Spirit.
Wait... if "Amish" means you believe you can't know.. and he knows that he knows.. how is he still Amish? Well, I asked him that myself.
"Well, Maybe I'm not Amish.. I know they'd love to shun me. But I just do what the Lord says and trust that things will turn out"
After our lovely chat, with the rain let up, we went out to the barn and met his ponies and his horse and his kittens and his bunnies... and some of his little children as well.
"Can we take pictures?"
"Well, I'm suppose to say no, but there's freedom in Christ, right? Don't bother me none if you take some pictures. I'll even smile for ya."
I think my heart could have burst at the sheer amount of joy all of that was. He hooked up his horse to his buggy and we all clambered inside.
"Let's give them the buggy ride of their lives!" Our friend riding "shotgun" to him was clocking our speed with his iphone as the Amish man slapped the reigns to get the horse going fast.
14mph! John looked over at that and was like, "Woohoo!! Let's try to get him over 16! Giddyup!!"
... Well, Humble the horse didn't make it over 15mph, but we weren't exactly in a hurry either.
At one point he turned and asked if I'd like to drive the buggy myself. "Uhm.. you only live once, right?? Yes! I would LOVE to drive the buggy!"
So he pulled the buggie over and I switched spots with my friend and took the reigns. Oh my goodness! WHO ELSE GETS TO SAY THEY DROVE AN AMISH MAN'S BUGGY????
Living the life, that's what I'm doing!! A life that is full and blessed and joyful and wonderful!
Freedom in Christ. Free to live a life full of joy with out any standards for being good enough. Jesus is all the enough I'll ever have to be. My identity is rooted in Christ and the more I know that, the less "good enough" matters. Life is so free when there is nothing to be "good enough" for and no way to fall short.
I love how creative God has been in teaching me how to grow in my confidence in Christ. I mean, of all the most RANDOM people groups to teach you about freedom in Christ... Mennonites and Amish?? Yes... God is in all things and by Him, all things hold together. His grace is sufficient for me.
***It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal. 5:1
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