Night time is peaceful.
Tomorrow is another day with "nothing on the schedule" which means, it will be full because I will somehow find myself overwhelmed with a million things to do.
But for now, I'm the only one awake in my living room without lights. My roommates went to bed an hour ago... but I had taken a nap around 4pm and then woke up to eat way too much cookie dough infused with way too much coffee. (Don't worry mom, I'm drinking lots of water to balance this)
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a day and a half later and I'm not making progess on...anything.
I'm hiding away in a coffee shop for the meant time. Not enough coffee today.. so I'm just loathing life.
NOT all of my life... just parts of it. The stress parts of it. I HATE. Like it makes me grumpy because I hate it so much.
I'm not made for stress or pressure or for doing things I don't want to do. BUT what can you do? You just suck it up and do life even tho it can be awful. Right? Right.......right. *sigh* I should try not to be so grumpy.
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It's not that I'm grumpy. It's that my heart is being YANKED all over the place. Good times. Bad times. And "HEY! Get ready to say good bye to all of your best friends that help you love Jesus better."
I know that God's love casts out fear..but if I'm terribly honest, I'm absolutely terrified of my upcoming life of isolation.
I realized us siblings are all such great friends with eachother when we visit home because none of us have friends outside of our house. (Unless you count the Petersons.. but they basically live there too..so they don't really count).
My heart is so sad to move away from my friends.
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Not that I belong in a city. I don't. I don't think I ever will, really. But I don't belong in isolation either.
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Oh Lord. Help me.
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