Sometimes it takes Defeat

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


When I was in middle school there was this wonderful band that wrote a song called "Get Down" that contained these lyrics: 


I'm sure you've had a day like me 
Where nothing seems to set you free 
From the burdens you can't carry all alone 
In your weakness He is stronger 
In Your darkness He shines through 
When you're crying He's your comfort 
When your all alone, He's carrying you 


Yesterday was that day for me. My day started out bad. I had prepared myself to leave my apt on time to walk leisurely to my bus stop and not be rushed. As it happened I could not find my apartment key anywhere and missed my bus in my efforts to search for the key. I ended up just leaving with out it and speed walking my fastest, arriving to class right on time but completely sweaty and exhausted. Defeated. 


My next moment of defeat was lunch. I eat my lunch every Tuesday with two very negative people and one kind and encouraging person. While my kind person was busy reading something the negative people decided was the best time to attack. They made some really sharp comments that made me consider death as a sweeter alternative to our lunchtime. Defeated. 


As I walked away from lunch I got a call from my sister saying that she didn't wanna give me a car to go home on Thursday on the chance that she might be able to go home the weekend after Thanksgiving. (I've been so home sick lately that the thought of home has brought me to tears on multiple occasions) The thought of having to wait to go home, cancel my plans to be poured into and encouraged just destroyed me. Defeated. 


After that conversation, I went to my worst class. This class is HEL. And it's hell. History of the English Language. I'm not an English person. It's a linguistics class. I don't understand it and it's kickin' my butt. One of my negative lunch  people is in this class and is quite proud of the fact that getting 100% or more on a test is no big and has reminded me several times that I'm clearly a lesser person for not being able to obtain the same grades. We got our grades back on our last test and I missed the 'B' by 1/2 a point. Defeated. 



I am not a suicidal person, but there are days when I wonder.. why? Why life? 
Perhaps even Jesus had days where he looked forward to the cross. If I were Jesus, I feel like I would a little bit.
There are days where I just want to give up. Throw in the towel, if you will. I've been ravished by the wolves long enough. 


So last night after being defeated, demoralized, and destroyed, I cried for a very long time. Sometimes I just really like crying. When your heart is just raw and exposed and looks like it went through a meat grinder and there's nothing to be done to restore it, crying just works wonders. Of course God was whispering all the while, "Don't be defeated. Take heart, I have overcome" 
Along with replaying my favorite David Crowder song, SMS(Shine) The lyrics 


Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?.....

Love has come, what joy to hear it

He has overcome, He has overcome

 In the midst of being completely defeated, God still comforted. I like that. I just wish He would reach down and fix all of it. I suppose if God removed all the mean people from my life I wouldn't get experience the super-natural power of forgiveness. If God gave me good grades I wouldn't know humility. 
Alllll these things God does to get our attention. 


 Before last night, I don't remember the last time I was hearing God's voice speaking to me. When I'm most vulnerable, I hear Him best. But it stink that it takes such a hellish day to get to that point though. But His goodness always tastes better after a round of horribleness. 

Answered Prayers

 1 Thessalonians 5:17 "pray continually,"


Romans 12:12
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."




Recently in church my pastor talked about prayer and the importance of it. As Christians, it almost seems silly that we would need to be reminded to pray. It's like needing a reminder to talk to your best friend, or a reminder to talk to the person standing next to you that you see everyday. Silly. How is it that we come to ignore communication with God so much? I know I find myself lacking in my prayer time all the time. Thankfully God isn't like that way with me. 
So, why don't we pray? I think a lot of us have come to think that God only answers prayers that really good people pray. That only the super Christians and such get their prayers answers because God is pleased with them. When we realize that our faith and intentional communication with God has been lacking we sometimes assume that even if we prayer God wouldn't do anything because we haven't been Christian enough for Him lately. Why should He do favors for people who don't always take Him seriously? 
Unfortunately, this has been my thinking on more than one occasion. But the thing is, God doesn't just do favors. God always acts in a way that benefits those He loves whether you pray for it or not. If you need something, ASK for it! God wants to bless you. God does not bless on conditions. God does not say "If you do your quiet time consistently for 2 straight weeks I will give you whatever you ask for in my name." No, not how He works. 
God wants to spend time with us. God wants to bless us. God does not base his blessings on good works we've done. And thank goodness! Because if He did than I would never have gotten a single prayer answered because my bad works outweigh my good works by a long shot. 


So..how specifically can we pray? Does God care about details?? 
So specifically! Yes details! Last Saturday night I received a text message from one of my friends that is still in high school. She is helping with leadership on an upcoming youth retreat from her church and has been really excited about it. The text she sent me asked if I could pray that they get more people to sign up for the retreat because they needed a minimum of 15 people or they would have to cancel it. They only had 10 and since the deadline was soon it was looking a little on the sad side. I told her of course I would like to pray for that and at first was thinking I'd ask Jesus for 6 people to sign up just to make it more awesome when MORE than 5 signed up.. but than I thought.. why 6? Do really think it would be that hard for God to find people to go on this retreat? So I texted her back saying I would ask Jesus for 7 people to sign up because He likes the number 7 and it sounded like a good number to me. 
I spent some time praying for it and thanked Jesus that he could do awesome things like that. 
My friend was still a little worried cuz there was only a few days but of course I know that Jesus can do way big miracles in a couple of days... especially after Brazil and the visas. 
The next day I received a text from her again saying "We have enough!!"
I was excited at this.. but also curious. If it was just 15 people than it wasn't enough because I prayed for 7 and so unless there were 17 people signed up for that retreat Jesus wasn't done working. So I texted back and asked if it was 5 more enough or 7 more enough. 
Her response was this "She has 16 apps right now...and I still have one to give her..so that makes 17..thats so weird!!" 


:D I had a grand time praising Jesus for that. I love when Jesus does that. 

Nations Night and Painting Past Times

My Roommate and I are leading a Bible study together at our apartment. We recently had a night focusing on missions and God's heart for the nations... well.. we MEANT for it to be focused on that, after all that is what was talked about in the Salt Company's large group meeting. Our nations night was actually a fellowship night as we casually talked about the up coming missions opportunities and shared past experiences we've had.  

In our efforts to make it a casual and friendly atmosphere, my roommate and I decided to serve "ethnic food"... we didn't have anything actually ethnic besides the rice and sweet and sour chicken.. but we all enjoyed it and had a great time together. 

Tortilla chips w/ dip
Pita bread w/ humus
Sticky rice w/ Sweet nd sour chicken
Pizza

I fell in love with pita bread and humus after reading through the Old Testament and learning about the feast of unleavened bread.  :) 

Ha.. not that pizza is very Italian.. but we tried. 

One of my roommates recently got bored with her phone cover and decided to paint it. I was sitting at the table watching her until she asked me if I would like to paint something. She offered me a tin can which I painted to kind of look like the Tardis from Dr. Who.... idk... it's a little sketch. 

I also found a mug in my room that I had been given for attending a church over the summer. I was pleased with my results. 

I'm not much of a painter.. as you can see.. but I enjoy such childlike pleasures. 

Purity is Freedom, Freedom is Life

I'm sure anyone who grew up going to Sunday School can remember the song "Oh Be Careful little eyes" It went a little like this:

O be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little eyes what you see

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little ears what you hear

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little hands what you do

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little feet where you go

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little mouth what you say

O be careful little mouth what you say

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little mouth what you say

I never realized the absolute beauty in this song until now. But it's one of the best songs about purity I've ever heard. 


It's about the time of year where everyone is coming down with colds and coughs and sinus pressures just feeling miserable. Or maybe they get to feeling depressed because the clouds are starting to linger more and occasionally spit out cold rain and they will soon be dusting the ground in fluffy white snowflakes. 
Either way, it's not stuff that makes us uber excited for life or school or crawling out of bed. 
First off, I'm not depressed. I enjoy the gloomy weather and have enjoyed this weekend with hot cider, hot coffee, hot chocolate, my quilt from my childhood, my teddy bear, and a good book. (I've also been listening to Christmas music.. but that's kind of illegal because Thanksgiving isn't here yet.)
My point of that little rant was that while there are lots of external things that can drag us down and put us in a bit of a grumpy mood, most of what puts us in grumpy, discouraged, sad day moods is internal.




When I am finding myself distant from God because of apathy, selfishness, or just filling my mind with things that don't really glorify God, I feel sick. I feel gloomy, exhausted or just plain sad day. One thing I've been learning lately is that I didn't realized how much stuff I let in affects my whole mood. For example, I don't usually watch TV shows. In highschool, my little brother and I would watch old M*A*S*H reruns and Growing Pains.. nothing really dirty or mind polluting. 
In my college years I've simply not owned a TV at all and so I would only ever watch things at other people's houses or visits to home. Even those were not much more than hallmark movies and holiday specials.  Now, I live in an apartment that has a TV with cable. Not that often feel inclined to watch TV on my own (I enjoy TLC a little) but I have often joined my roommates in their TV viewings. They're choice in television are usually shows filled with cuss words and sexual innuendoes. 
But I've found, that I've come more and more desensitized to television.. especially when I'm sitting in the living room while the shows are being watched and while I'm preoccupying myself with other things and "not really watching them".. I'm still hearing it, and it's still going into my mind. A small virus. A little bug. But it has terribly disastrous affects on how close I feel to God. 


The more I get exposed to, the more I feel thankful for having been home schooled and sheltered in a Christian community. I simply did not know all the dirty thoughts out there in the world and nothing I said was taken out of context and made into something gross. No one was talking about other people in degrading ways or cussing for no reason. I have only recently come to learn that guys think gross thoughts and are rather immature. Girls think about boys all the time. They talk about them. They rate them. Guys do that about girls. Blah. No respect. 


Purity. Of all the friends I have ever had in the course of my life time.. I only know a handful that chose to give up their virginity before marriage. For those that still aren't married, as far as I know, they're still striving to maintain purity and honor God. So, to me, in my little mind, I've never thought of the idea of maintaining purity to be a challenge. I feel like in youth group there was an unspoken list of *really* bad sins that we should not to do: Murder, get drunk, do drugs, have sex outside of marriage, and steal. 
Ok, so yes, the Bible does say not to do these things. But it's bigger than that. Purity is more than not having sex outside of marriage, purity is not watching TV shows or movies with things that don't glorify God. Purity is being careful what you read on the internet or in books or elsewhere. 


Purity is freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. (Dictionary Definition.) 


Purity is freedom.
 Galatians 5:1
 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Freedom is life. 
Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.


So when we feel it necessary to blame the weather or a simple head cold, ( or the person who cut us off in traffic, the slow checker at the grocery store, person who won't return your call, the co-worker or boss who makes your life miserable, or the teacher that assigns homework for no real reason other than wanting to make your life miserable and wanting to make sure you know the material so that you can graduate with a degree that means something) on why we are in a grumpy mood, perhaps we should first look inward. What have we been filling our minds with? What sort of things have we been watching or reading or thinking or doing? 


Psalm 119:9

 How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. 

1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.