Patches and Peace

I can't believe how quickly April came and went. The grass is now a beautiful green and the leaves on the tree are putting forth a gallant effort to prove to the world that, yes, they are indeed still alive. 

It's a rainy sort of Monday. I find it to be relaxing, honestly. I think if there is any one grain of sand that really gets under my skin, it's complaining. People who complain make m want to complain about their complaining. It's a vicious cycle. Obviously I can't blame my bitterness towards the subject on anyone other than myself. 

But as a practice, I try to think of something to be thankful for in all things so that the bitter seeds of complaint get choked out by the fruits of the spirit. However, you have to be cultivating the garden that is your heart if you actually want to see growth and beauty come from it. 
I don't know what it was that first cause me to slow in my pursuit of the Lord's peace and good grace, but my heart has not fully been at rest these last few weeks.

I've gotten more work hours and the weather has been nice. That equals me not sitting down for three hours of my spare moments to meet with Jesus and keep Him in my inner most circle of friends. I think since I have quite come to love sitting with God for many hours at a time, if I just have 20 minutes or half an hour, I feel like I wouldn't have enough time and so I give it up altogether.

That is silly, obviously, but I tend to have a silly thought process most of the time. But, for as many days that have gone by without me penning a prayer in my journal, the deep, unmoving sense that I am loved to the bottom of my heart never changes, never shakes, never leaves. 

I've heard many Christians says, "I need to recharge my spirit life" as if they run on a battery pack apart from a source and are off wondering around and half to return on occasion. But, at the point where The Lord promised, "I will never leave you or forsake you" that is the point where peace tells you that you will never be disconnected from the source. You may ignore it, perhaps, and satan might make you to believe that you are, but you aren't. And you never will be.

Part of why my heart is not at peace is because I sense my friend group shifting ever so slightly. 
My friends were stitched into the fibers of my heart when I needed them most and the tugging and tension I feel as life begins to move towards change and new adventures has me ill at ease, once again. For the longest time, last fall, I worried and worried that things would not be the same when he school year started. But, my friends stayed and we made more memories. And then I graduated and worried that things would change since I'd be working more, but things stayed and we grew closer and made more memories. 

But the clock is running down. Two months. Two months more before changes really change officially. When I first moved to Iowa City, I dreaded it and hated it and prayed for the day I would leave again. But now, five years later, my heart is quite in love and I have my heels in the ground about replanting my life, again. 

But the adventure of following The Lord is too great to pass up. I've thought about plopping down right here and now and calling Iowa city my forever home. My heart would be happy, yes, but I know there is more out there, with a Heavenly Father like my own, I know there is more than  my breaking heart can comprehend and that the next adventure will help re-stitch the fabric that is being tugged and torn now. 

One of my good friends has encouraged me to think about this precious, blessed time of my life as the sunrise to a good day...rather than the sunset. It has been really encouraging to boldly ask The Lord to set my heart at peace as I take on that perspective. I just feel so loved in how I have been pursued by my friends. 


Even last night, one friend came over and then another insisted we come help make pie. And we did, we spontaneously jumped in the car to join our friends for laughter and joy and priceless memories. It overwhelms me to think that The Lord would love me so much and bless me so far beyond the capacity of my heart. I'm sure that is why my heart has to break, though.just so The Lord can make it bigger by adding patches and reinforcement. 

My friends and I have been discussing how we are not called to be comfortable. But we want people to feel comfortable at church when they come. Or welcomed at the very least. I think the real answer that we should not feel comforted by situations or circumstance but, rather, by the peace of the Holy Spirit reassuring us that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I know this blog post is quite unorganized, but I think the big point I'm trying to communicate is that, I am so thankful for this time of life and the many blessings I have and I am struggling with moving on to the next big adventure, but ultimately, I know The Lord goes before me.

However, my heart aches with the growing pains of being stretched to new capacities. But alls I can do is surrender. 

A Peace of God

"And the Peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts"

I don't usually start typing up blogs at 11pm. Usually, a blog comes 2 hours into a 4 hour sit-down with the Lord. But, I attended Salt Company tonight, so that kind of counts. I love time with Jesus in any form! And time I get to interact with humans brings me to life in a major way. 

Oh how I love people!! Words do not even express how much I enjoy human interactions. 

But, peace. I love knowing the Lord and having a peace that goes beyond all comprehension continuously guarding my heart from disappointment or Satan's lies. Seriously. It makes all functions involving humans reallllly great. :) 

I'll let you in on a special secret about me...which isn't secret since I've probably said this in my blog before, but one of my life hopes is to some day be married and have a family. And it's a surrendered hope, obviously, because the Lord will do what He does and ultimately whatever happens will be the most fruit-producing, joyful harvest whether I expected it or not. 

I think some people worry that it might not be the Lord's will that they get married. And they panic a little and are like, "Oh no! What if it's not God's will?? Is it wrong for me to desire to be married when it's not God's will!?" Aye yi yi.. calm down, Sparky. I mean... the thought has crossed my mind too, though.  Okay, so 22 isn't old yet. I'm very content and happy to be 22 and single. Heck, I'm living a wild dream of a life. I'm quite thankful that I have yet to be found by my future husband seeing as I am rather too in love with a fast-paced social life to settle into wife-hood just yet. And I'm not saying being a wife means you can't have a face-paced social life... I'm just thinking that I'll probably end up with an introvert who would rather I not have 20 people over for supper with 20minutes of warning multiple nights a week. 

What's this got to do with anything? Well, honestly, it takes all pressure off of everything. A lot of people feel the pressure to be impressive and looking their best when they go out places, "just in case they meet The One." And, as a Jesus-loving single person surrounded by a whole room full of Jesus-loving peers... I mean.. ermergersh..what if HE is herrrrre!?? 

Here's what I love about Jesus. He's my future husband. He's my everything and my always. And His plan has thus far proved to be perfect and wonderful and amazing beyond words.  And His timing is beyond perfection. 

Basically, I'm not waiting for a future husband. I'm living. I mean, obvs I'm saving myself for my future husband... but I'm having a heck of a great time loving Jesus in the mean time. The adventure of loving God waits for no man. They are always! Always life is an adventure!! And I will enjoy my adventures with all the many friend blessings the Lord has placed in my life. And some day all my adventures will include my man-husband. When the Lord times it just so. When some man out there surrenders His heart well enough to the Lord to be worthy of all the many details Jesus has spent hours and days and years putting together on His workbench. ;) 

But for now, the peace the goes beyond understanding makes it really great to interact with all my peoples because the only body I wanna impress is my Jesus. And I can love people without feeling like I have to be impressive. Because Jesus. *sigh* Can we all just love Jesus? I mean, He's so great. Everyone should know Him. 

Basically, yeah. 

More Than a Moment

I think one of the hardest things about going on a joy-filled missions trip is coming back. :/
One of my favorite movies from my childhood is Peter Pan. Not the cartoon one, the people one. In it, they talk about a hidden kiss being on the corner of Wendy's mouth and she asks, "But what is it for?" and her aunt replies, "That is for the greatest adventure of all. The one who finds it has slipped in and out of heaven." 
And perhaps that is how I thin

k of a trip like Nicaragua, like a kiss from the Lord in which I have slipped in and out of heaven.... 
I wish I could say I've mastered how to hit the ground running and take up here where I left off before I went. It's a tricky balance, being all here and being thankful for now and still letting my heart be affected by what was then. 
I live a really really blessed life, guys. I live with my best friends who love Jesus, I have friends that come over for dinner parties and tea parties and random birthday parties for Vincent Van Gogh. I have a car and a job and the freedom to come and go as I please. I have the most God-loving, welcoming family in the world, and I have friends scattered all over the place. 

I have nothing to complain about at all. I often go back to read Philippines 2 and remind myself to be thankful in all things, " Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.  But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."
As I've been thinking on how to describe just how close we were to the obvious presence of The Lord, I've been thinking of our everyday analogies like, "we were within spitting distance" or "A stones throw away" and I don't really feel like I should say that about God.... but it's really rather true. Because, would it not be spitting on the Lord to be thankful for time with bugs and bats and lizards and then complaining about hot showers, comforts, and luxuries? 
Would it not be a stoning to say, He was with me on that trip but He is not with me now? I mean, come on Peter, don't deny the Lord to His face. 
And I said, "obvious" presence of the Lord only because all other distractions were removed and you'd have to be as blind as the man with mud on his eyes not to see the Lord. The Lord is just as obvious and present and active and touchable in my little casa in Iowa City as He is under the church tent in Nicaragua. It just depends on if I choose to sit down with Him and touch Him or not. 
Basically, my conviction lately has been to let the seeds of joy planted deep into my heart whilst hugging and tickling and loving the little children in Nicaragua, is to let them be just that, joy. Not joy turned sour or sad. I should not be sad to be back. I should be thankful to have gone and thankful to have returned home and thankful that Nicaragua will still be there when I go back next. 

I am thankful for a God who has 12 baskets full of blessings to feed 5,000 people just from what little amounts of dead fish and dry bread I have to offer. 12 baskets for me to take home and share with my family and friends after all the big stuff that amazed the people. How interesting that after the feast of booths (or lights) was over and the tents taken down and the lights put out that Jesus stood up and said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Jesus knew what the people needed to hear so as not to be depressed afterwards. 

It was always after something big that Jesus chose to show stand up and say, "Here I am. I am the lasting fulfillment your heart is wanting. You enjoyed that, that small little moment, but I am forever. More than a moment. I am your always." 

And so He speaks that to my heart now. Why is it that I can surrender 100% of my time, energy and focus in one single week in Nicaragua and not do the same thing in the US? Why is it that in Nicaragua I got up everyday with one purpose in mind, "Share the Gospel with everyone I meet today" and I don't have that same focus in the US? Why is it that in everything we did in Nicaragua we would say, "We are here to help you, but most importantly here to tell you about Jesus and His love for you" but I don't live with that same sense of purpose in the US? 
More than anything, I hope the Lord grows my heart to be intentional no matter where I am. I hope that I would remember every day that the reason I'm getting up in the morning is to share God's love with anyone I might encounter during my day. 
Why don't I think, "I'm here to nanny your kids, but most importantly, I'm here to share the Love of Jesus with you?" or "I'm here to give you a ride, but most importantly, to tell you about Jesus" or "I'm here to buy my groceries, but most importantly, I'm here to show you how Jesus cares for you." 
I want that. My heart wants that. My life should always be lived with purpose and the time I spend 100% surrendered to the Lord should be way more than just a moment in Nicaragua. 

The Big Adventure

Thank you for your prayers, my sweet readers! Our team felt them!! As it was, everyone was able to travel and the time spent sleeping on the airplane out of Managua did a world of good for a lot of them. 
We all made it home safe and sound. :)

I, however, caught some kinda bug and haven't been feeling the best the last few days, but I'm hoping that it will be short lived. 

There is so much I could say about our trip to Nicaragua! SO much! But, really, I just want to take you back with me next year. I'm serious. Whoever you are, wherever you are, PLEASE consider joining me next time. 

Guys, my heart beats for adventure! I'm not an discontent person at home in the US. Really, I am honestly humbled by the GREAT MANY blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. But, the taste of eternity is so sweet and so worth it, I'd gladly give up everything to live in it full time. 

And I plan to. Some day. I'd be a fool not to. 

Our little village of Casa Blanca stole my heart. Well, the kids did. We arrived at about 2pm Sunday and went right to work praying in every room of the school we stayed in and then setting up the clinics. 

Amanda and I were assigned to put together an Evangicube and then I had to step out of the clinic for a minute. When I came back, there was Amanda, surrounded by children who adored her instantly

Amanda's Spanish was actually really good, and she rather became my own personal translator/Spanish teacher. :) What a blessing. 

We worked in the children's ministry together with a couple other members of the team. And we played with the kids and we worked in the pharmacy and we showered under the stars and we ate in the sun. We were covered in dirt from head to toe and the bathrooms were outhouses. 

I could tell you all the details, the food, the bugs, the heat, the wind... but really, I'd rather you just go experience it for yourself. 

The biggest details for you to know is that Jesus came with us on this trip and he was waiting for us when we got there. He was the reason for everything we did and his love made everypart of everyday SO FULL of JOY that I cannot even begin to describe it. 

There was no smell too awful or bug or bat or spider or lizard that could have possibly made the trip difficult because God's love was too big for it. No sunburn too painful, no language barrier too frustrating, no food too different. 

With joy I would brush the dirt off my bed before crawling under my sheets every night. With joy I would wake up at 5 to the roosters crowing. With joy, everything. EVERYTHING was joyful. 

Last night I was talking to a friend about the trip and he asked, "So is it nice to be back home?" 

I've been thinking about it. Of course I'm thankful! God placed me here and I am blessed, so i cannot complain. But it is hard for me. Because I am a people person. And I realize that I'm very isolated with my life in America. I work all day and then come home and we sit around on our tablets and phones and computers. We only see people if we make effort for it and we stare at our electronics even if we've "Made the effort" to hang out. 

In Nicaragua, there was no facebook or cellphones or anything like that. Just people. You'd find someone to sit by for a meal and you'd talk to them. You'd talk in the pharmacy, or the dentistry. You played with the kids and they'd say stuff to you in Spanish and they'd ask, "Como se dece "Mi Amigo en Engles??" And you'd say, "Friend" and they'd light up and say, "You...friend!" 

And we laughed. OH how much we laughed! My abs were sore coming back from the sheer amount of laughter the WHOLE week. One of my teammates had asked me during the week, "Are you having more fun this year than last year?" and I thought about it and said, "You know, I can't imagine that I am. Last year was great and this year is great." And she commented, "But you seem so much more happier this year than last year." And she was right. My heart was in love and joyful LAST year, but the Lord has grown MAJOR fruit in my heart in the last year and this year my heart couldn't contain the love or the joy or the peace that FLOODED every crack and crevice of it. 

My third world heaven. It doesn't have to be materially rich to be the most wealthy place in the world. Because God is there. HE is SO there. As thick as humidity in the summer. You reach out and touch him every time you reach out at all. And He loves you. He loves you so much! And I cannot comprehend that I should be so privileged to have been there. 

I sat in on a church service one morning rather than teach in the Children's service and I was so overwhelmed by God's love. And then they invited people to give their lives to Christ and being apart of that was incredible. And as I began to cry at the love that so filled my heart that there wasn't even room for it, God whispered so gently, "I have redeemed you, Fern Kohl. I have called you by name and you are mine. And I want you to see this. See how I can use you. See how I love my people. See how much joy there is in my love. And I chose you for this. Because I love you. Because I want to do great things with you." And He said much more, of course. And He is saying the same things to you. 

Loving God is a grand adventure. You don't have to go to another country to experience it. You just say "yes" and then sooooo many adventures just come. EVERY day. And they are joyful. Not always right at first, but joy cometh. Always, it will come. If you are growing the fruit of the spirit that is. 

Guys, as much as i'd LOVE for you to experience the joy I do in Nicaragua. More than ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, I'd love for you to experience the joy I do in knowing God. He makes me heart SO happy! I am SO loved down to the very bottomest deepest places of my heart. And I belong. 

I want you all to know the same love and joy and happiness and peace. It's so peaceful. 

I LOVE adventures! I LOVE them. And I would love nothing more than for you to join me on my adventures! Alls you have to do is say, "Yes, I'm going to let Jesus love me heart." 

Let me know if you have any questions or comments. :) I'm praying for you! 

Pray for our team!

Our team covets your prayers today as much as you can remember.
A good deal of our team is quite sick and two of them are in worse condition than the rest and are on IVs. It's not quite 3am yet and we are all to be on the bus by 4. With much of the team throwing up and not up for much beyond laying down, today's travel will be difficult.

Pray pray pray!

Yesterday was extremely hot and we had little access to water...I'm hoping that's the only thing causing half the team to be out for the count...hopefully nothing we ate. I can't say I'm feeling the best but I'm not anywhere close to feeling the worst either.

Pray for health and travel safety.

I'll up date when we get back to the US.

Back to the Mission House in Managua, Nicaragua

Hola mi familia!!

I probably spelled that wrong. But hello! We are back at the mission house after four intense days in the village of Casa Blanca! Whew! I'm not ready to leave. We arrived in the village around noon on Sunday and immediately went to work setting up the clinic. Amanda and I sat on the floor of the pharmacy assembling an evangacube when the little kids of the village noticed us. I had to step out to help with something and when I came back, Amanda was totally surrounded by about 25 children. Her Spanish was pretty good and she communicated well with the kids. She was a great teacher, also, and I am able to carry on broken conversations as well as, at least, understand what the kids were saying to me.

We worked mostly in children's church, sharing the gospel 4 or 5 times a day and then playing with the kids between time in the pharmacy. The kids were SO loving and so affectionate. Listening to them scream out "yes Jesus loves me" at the top of their lungs brought tears to my eyes.

On Monday, Amanda and I went out with the Vet team and got the pleasure of chasing 6 cows through a field for a couple hours. Along with holding crabs, visiting the remains of a mammoth fossil museum and passing out a dozen Bibles to the people we shared the gospel with. Mostly we watched the men do it, but it was a pleasure to see it and be a part of it.

Amanda and I have been singing together for church every night and last night we finished the service with Revelation Song. We were given many hugs by crying villagers when we were done.
I love that even though verbal communication was rough,
Gods love knows no bounds. I have a lot of stories to tell, but Internet is sketch. We have rested, we've treated ourselves for lice, and we will have a debriefing meeting soon.

On the bus ride home today, one of our team members, Andrew, who is 19, informed our bus driver that he would really like to eat an Iguana for supper.
So, like ya do, the bus driver pulled up to a street side shop, had his helper guy jump out, and jump back in with a very large, live Iguana. The cooks are preparing it for him. Ha...only in Nicaragua.

Thank you for your prayers!! We will return to the states on Saturday. Pray for safety in the Market tomorrow and also for health in this heat.

Much love!
Fern

Arrived safely

Greetings from Nicaragua! After over 20 hours of travel, I crawled into my bunk around 12:30am US time and told The Lord I'd like Him to make me wide awake at whatever time he wanted me to be wide awake.

I didn't have a time telling device in my bunk with me, so I just scrambled out of bed when I felt woken up. It's 5am here. Me and The Lord are gonna catch up on account I didn't take the time yesterday.

My right hand is blue. I attempted to prayer journal while the plane was still in the processes of going up and the pressure/altitude change caused my pen to explode.

I feel like I've come home. I eagerly looked out the window when we arrived last night and watched the signs, nightclubs, motorcycles, people...everything. Even the trash in the ditch just seems right. My heart has been SO happy.

Traveling went well yesterday. No hookups or lost luggage. The 6 hour layover was spent playing people watching bingo and cards and chatting, and walking as fast as we could on the loving sidewalks.

The flights were good! There was a lot of turbulence on the first flight, on account of a lightning storm. Stuff flew off our laps and the plan dipped a bunch...I LOVED it. I love turbulence. At the point where I was saying "weeeeeeeeee" and everyone else was holding their stomaches, one of my team members asked if I had prayed for it...uhm...yes kinda. I mean, I prayed for an adventure! If the plane plunges a bit and things fall all everywhere and the cabin screams cuz they think they're about to meet Jesus in person, sounds like an adventure to me!!

But really though, all was well. And here I am! Sitting in a rocking chair out on the deck, watching the sunrise and listening to the chickens crow. I love it! I love it all!