We Walk By Faith

As much as I would love to spend 2 hours writing and perfecting a well thought out blog post, I don't have the time today. But I do want to share some of the nuggets of life that God has blessed me with as I continue to walk through my time of pain and emptiness. 

This morning, as with most other mornings, I could not sleep past 6:30am and, as it was, I had an extra hour anyways and thus decided that the Lord was inviting me into His presence and that is a more restful place than my bed anyhow.
As I sat with my Bible and prayer journal and once again poured out my heart and waited for healing and hope and peace and joy, I reflected much on God's plan. A promise. A promise of a plan that He has for me and it is a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. A plan for a hope and a future. Sometimes...most times, it's hard to see that hope. It's hard to know that hope exists. Especially now, I don't see it. 

But God gave me the most beautiful treasure this morning. As I sat and pondered, I began to pray out loud.. which I don't do especially often when I'm by myself. Typically I just write in my prayer journal, but there is something to be said about God feeling more present when you talk to Him out loud. Anyways, as my eyes were shut, God took me into his arms and gave me a picture of what He was doing.

I saw myself on a very narrow path in a very dark valley. There were demons on all sides of the path packed rows and rows back all grabbing at me and trying to pull at me and tear me down. But as I walked, there was God. He was walking in front of me but walking backwards so He could face me and take both my hands in His and pull me along. And there was light where He was and the demons could not reach Him.. they could not reach us. And then there was fog. An awful dark mist over everything so that i could hardly see anything, I could hardly see God. And I was afraid because I couldn't see where I was going. But, that is when God spoke to me and said, "shut your eyes, Fern, walk by faith and not by sight. Trust me." And in my vision, I did. When I shut my eyes, all I could feel was Gods hands pulling mine along and the path was solid under my feet and I knew I was safe. 

As I was rethinking that vision just now, a line from a verse I memorized forever ago ran through my head, "But we are hard pressed on every side but not crush.... not abandoned." And I have peace. I think my heart will hurt for a while yet, but I have peace. I know God is doing something great in my life. I know God is going to make something beautiful out of me. I know God has a crazy beautiful plan that I cannot comprehend and or even imagine. But I know I am loved. I am precious. I am treasured. And I am going to make it out someday. 

But for now, I cannot see the hope. I cannot see the plan. I cannot see the future. I cannot always see God. But when I shut my eyes, I feel it. I feel my hope. I feel God. And so, I walk by faith. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 Cor. 4:7-12