Somethings Stay Forver

 The weather is changing again! The chill in the air and the little white cloud of my breathe when I walk out my door is an exciting reminder that we may indeed pull out our scarves and boots and drink pumpkin spice lattes to our hearts content.

For me, changes in the weather always bring a little pain. And by that I mean, physically. My senior year of high school I was horse back riding in a field in Soith Dakota on a pleasant fall afternoon. My horse followed last in line of the few of us out riding. After all the other horses stomped on a nest of ground bees, my poor horse fell victim to their anger and upon stinging the horse in the belly four times, my horse decided to throw me off where i broke my fall with my wrist and broke my wrist with my fall. The first set of X-rays showed a crack and a chip going half an inch into my ulna. The second set 4 weeks into the cast showed 5 or six cracks in all those bones in there. 8 weeks in a cast, 8 weeks in a brace and still as many hours of piano practice I could handle in a day in prep for my senior recital. Bending it and rotating it when I didn't wanna go, I didn't let it heal the way I should have. 

Either way, it is healed. But five years later, it hurts like heck before a good rain or temperature drop. I can't do anything to fix that, though.

So I realized something about our hearts the other day. Especially since my heart just randomly aches sometimes (spiritual warfare mostly) and I've wondered what else is left to forgive. But it's not like there is an unforgiven dagger or shard of glass left inside tearing me apart. I feel like I've healed from the broken times of my past, but I can't help that my heart just throbs on occasion. 

I realized that, like my wrist, something's just weren't meant to break the way they do. And while they have been made to heal, sometimes things will still just hurt with the change of season. 

I was talking to The Lord last night about bones and how they heal. I was asking Him when it was He decided He needed to come up with a plan on how a broken bone would fix itself. He quickly brought to mind how He had formed Eve from Adam's rib and told me that there was a healing that needed to take place then. 
Upon thinking on it some i asked, "so from the beginning of time, before man was created, you decided to make the insides of their bodies with ways to fight infections and heal wounds and scar cleanly?" 

"Yes."

"but we didn't need those things when all was perfect.."

"Right"

"So that means that even before you made a human you knew that there would be brokenness and rejection and pain and separation?"

He must have smiled as I began to put pieces together. He reminded that,yes, of course He knew. He knew and so he planned for it. I couldn't comprehend why He would create us even though He knew, but he simply responded with His gentle whisper of "because I love man too much to have not to."

Mind blown. 

Worth it. That's what He says about my existence. I don't know about you but I feel like I'm gonna need a personal trainer to even be half strong enough to carry the weight of that sentence.