The Mouth is Incriminating

James 3:8

but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear that if ever I had an obvious blemish of fault in my life, it's my mouth. I've never been one to do a ton of thinking before talking. I very much live in the moment and speak thoughts out loud before I think about what offense they could cause. Of course the moment following my moment of a quip or comment is usually one of regret and internally chewing myself out. (Those are the thoughts I'm typically better at keeping to myself.)

My mouth is what gets me in trouble more often than not and while I wish so badly I could go back in time and erase some things and prevent damage once words leave your mouth, they are gone forever. If only wishing made a difference. Obviously I can't go back. I can't change things already said. I can't remove the pain or anger my words could have caused and I can't simply apologize and hope it's all better. 

I can, however, learn and try harder....er...kinda. Ha... I can feel stupid about things I've said until the sun goes down but, if I've learned anything at all, it's that I don't learn. I've had a run-away mouth since I've started speaking, I feel.
I haven't always cared, obviously. I've been more concerned about my words, for other's sakes that is, in the last 5 years of my life, but that doesn't mean I've figured out how to not hurt people and not say stupid things. 

 Proverbs 10:19

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.

I think, too, this is one of the larger factors that plays into my insecurities of feeling like I am "too much" for people. I have grown up being the entertainer in the groups that have accepted me and I've quite loved to tell the tales of my adventures and say things that make people laugh. The part of trying to make people laugh is usually my downfall. Think before you talk. Well, part of making people laugh is being witty and quick on the come back. I suppose if their were a proverb about it, it'd probably say something like "Something thought out that makes someone smile is better than something quick that makes someone laugh... at another's expense." 

It's a tricky business, trying to manage one's mouth. It's a great window into someone's heart, that's for sure. Unfortunately for me, it means that everyone can tell from the outside that what's going on inside isn't so great. 

 Proverbs 15:2

The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

Bury all your everythings at the bottom of your heart if you wish and try not to let anyone know about your secret struggles or wounds but like a beach ball held under the surface of the water, it's gonna come bursting out in your attitude and in your words and how you treat people and people won't have to guess too blindly in the dark to figure out that you've got a little somethin' somethin' going on inside. 

Like my van transmission. I can't SEE any problem. No oils or odd liquids forming puddles in my parking space. No smell or smoke coming from under the hood. Nothing on the outside. But when I drive, the vehicle lurches and the engine races. No one else can SEE my transmission either. But when they're stuck behind me going 15mph because my gears won't shift, then I'm a hazard to their driving and they are affected by my problem. I could even be someone's roadblock. 

That's what scares me about my mouth. I don't want to be someone's roadblock. I don't want someone to be stuck behind me going way slow because of things I say or an example I set. 

  Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Really what has brought all this on is that in my wild and crazy live-for-the-moment summer, I've learned a thing or two about myself and I'm disappointed to say the least. 
While having to be AT work by 6am no longer raises concern on what time I should go to bed, even more disturbing than that is how I've foolishly chosen time with people over time with Jesus and in my running helter skelter all over Iowa, my mouth has run a bit farther than that. 

You reap what you sow and as summer comes to a close, I'm finding my harvest is not very appetizing. 

All I can think at this point is.. : Fail. 

And then *facepalm*

I know better. Goodness gracious. I probably had to write Eph 4:26 out 1,000 times before I graduated highschool. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth..." (I could type it all out from memory, but you wouldn't be impressed). The thing is, ONLY what is good for building people up according to their needs. That's the kinda stuff you're supposed to say. 

I wannnnt to build people up. I want to encourage people. I want to bring joy to their lives. But.. I don't naturally do that. And I certainly don't seem to be able to do that WELL even if the Lord is moving in my heart. It's hard not to be a little discouraged by myself. (I think I discourage myself more than anyone or thing else out there).  

Proverbs 15:4

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

I'm not writing this out of a pit. I'm just looking back down the hole I just crawled out of and am shaking me head. That's not to say my heart has changed in a major way and I'm all the sudden only speaking kindness and gentleness to everyone around me. I'm not. I'm just more aware of it I suppose. Disturbed really. Blah. 

It's a hard sort of business having friends and a tongue at the same time. I like to protect my friends and not see them hurt or discouraged or any thing of that sort. However, I exist. And I talk. Therefore my friends are not safe from being hurt or discouraged.  

I also wish I could be the one to pull out whatever daggers were unintentionally thrust into someone's heart but, only the Lord has that kind of power.  

It's definitely a moment of humility and surrender as no man can tame the tongue and if it can be tamed any bit at all it can only be tamed by the Heavenly Father who made it.