Perfectly God

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;

Being a senior in college, I've for sure caught on to 'chronicprocrastinitis' which also bares the name 'senioritis.' I'm not especially proud of it.. not at all actually. But I have this intense fear that if I put too much of my heart into my school work, too much of my heart will become exhausted, burnt out, broken, damaged, etc. 

I had to take a quiz this morning by 10am and so instead of my usual Friday morning routine of setting up my coffee pot and tissues by my spend-time-with-Jesus chair, I was instead on my floor surrounded by textbooks, online articles, lectures, and my ICON web instructions whilst pouring over what leading psychologist believe to be the meaning of happiness. 

It was actually very fascinating and so I semi wished that I had not procrastinated so badly and would have had more time to take in what all people's take on happiness was before spewing forth my crammed in knowledge onto the quiz that needed to be taken. I'll probably go back and study it for the sake of being a better counselor in the future, but it is actually quite a dark world out there and incredibly amazing what people who don't have Jesus do to achieve such a great thing as 'happiness.'

Whilst pouring over all the literature on 'happiness' and wishing to be sitting in my Jesus chair enjoying coffee and reading the word, the hymn, "Love of God" began to play in my head. I have not heard the song for a long time, but I figured Jesus was wanting me to listen to it when I finished things up and joined Him in our peaceful place. I found a beautiful version of it done by Mercy Me and added it to my Time Alone with God playlist as well as put it on repeat and listened to it however many times it could have played in an hour and let the music wash over me as I began reading through a list of verses my roommate had put together for me. 

It was all so perfect. The verses I was reading were all about how God goes through great lengths to show His love. There wasn't a single verse or passage that wasn't about God's love. I absolutely LOVE the line about it reaching into the lowest hell. How true that is!! Whilst my heart feels whole and I feel so entirely loved and confident in my identity in Christ, I know it's not over yet. I am out of the valley for a time, but once the next mountain is climbed, there will be another valley on other side. And so it will go until one day I shall forever be in the presence of my savior. In a place where the ground is made flat, the valleys raised, and I shall forever have a song of joy on my lips. 

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;


I'm not there yet. In the meantime, my precious Lord pursues my heart and times everything perfectly and in the most beautiful ways imaginable. My goodness how he times things!
Last weekend was entailed one of the most painful meetings/conversations I've thus far had to go through and it was so hard. Fortunately, I knew well enough that I was gonna need the Lord in a big way and I spent as many days preparing as the Lord had granted me. I sought counsel from at least 4 people specifically and was offered encouragement by more than half a dozen other sweet friends who the Lord used to brace my heart for what was coming. I was also blessed to have several people pray over me by phone and in person in the 30 minutes prior to the whole thing. 
I saw the Lord do a great thing. In the 40 minutes whilst the closing lines to a great chapter of my life in which the Lord had taught me great things were being written. With tears of sadness watering seeds of hope for the future in which my great Father has plans to prosper me, I was able to feel the love of God holding my heart together as the conversation brought all things to a final resting point and dirt was placed over the grave of what had died many months earlier. 

It was a hope deferred. The kind that makes the heart sick, yknow? I don't fully understand it yet, but I am so very convinced that the Lord must have some great plan for me because He is putting a LOT of effort and detail into the work He's doing on my heart. 
And the Lord did something great after all that was done. The very next day I got a random invitation from a friend I don't think I'd seen or talked to in almost a year (apart from one very brief facebook chat a couple days prior) inviting me to a Valentines something or other at his church that night. 
It was rather spur of the moment but I have a spontaneous sister who has oft been my partner in spontaneous adventures and being that I was spontaneously visiting her at the time I asked her if she'd like to spontaneously join me once more. Of course she said yes. 

As spontaneous as it all seemed, I think the Lord had it planned just right. My heart was so ministered to and refreshed! There was so much joy and laughter and peace. AND! The Lord had for me a big surprise. 

Hymns. *sigh* How my heart loves hymns. And not just hymns, but A Cappella! I don't even remember what they sang, but there was an 'impromptu' little hymn sing thing that went down and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. As if the Lord was taking his watering can and pouring it over the garden in my heart. So beautiful. It was everything I needed.

I mentioned earlier that I'd been sorta running from the Lord. Immediately after I'd left the hard conversation, I met up with a friend and spent the rest of the day with her family and immediately from there I went home and hosted a sleep over in which I was able to hide behind everyone else sharing their stories. Immediately in the morning I was off to discipleship group and then church. From there it was a leader's meeting that took up most of the afternoon. I knew I needed to stop and let the Lord heal my heart but I wasn't about to let my heart feel. So as soon as I got home from that meeting I headed off to North Liberty to see a friend and spend time with Pearl. And from there we took off on our adventure to Kalona. Of COURSE the Lord was gonna trap me in somehow. Of course He was going to get me to run right into a place where I needed to be. More than that, a place of joy where His presence was overwhelming. How loved I am. 

The Lord is not yet done with His surprises. On Wednesday I met for supper with one of my Bible study girls to spend some one-on-one and immediately from there, of course, I met up with a few of my non-believer friends and drank chai tea whilst they ate their supper. I was so pleasantly surprised as my formerly-atheist-currently-agnostic friend asked me some well thought out, deep questions on Christianity and God. Of course I all of the sudden felt so inadequate but I know the Lord was with me as verses came to mind and I answered to the best of my ability. 
My friend was so encouraging, telling me that he appreciated my insight and he thought I was the best person to ask those questions to because I always answer something different than he expects. 

The Lord moves in mysterious ways. 

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.