It is currently Wednesday of finals week here at Iowa and I am happy to say I'm completed 3 of my 4 finals and I have been blessed with some down until my final final on Friday morning. Last night as my roommate and I began planning out our next couple days of freedom and relaxation before we both take our last final (studying? pshh) we came up with a list of fun things to do. Somewhere in my evening whilst enjoying a nutella chocolate granita and trolling on facebook I was asked the question via text message "how are you doing internally?"
It was at that moment that I had realized I had spent my entire day studying and taking exams and I hadn't spent anytime with Jesus at all during my day..unless you count all the prayers to do well on my exams along with a half hearted prayer of thanks for my lunch... I don't think that counts though. The text message was just like that time in the day when you've been busy all day and someone asks you "Have you eaten yet?" and then all the sudden you realize you're really hungry.
Last night I realized that while I don't feel like I'm starving to death spiritually and I don't feel like I've put up any walls between me and God, I don't feel filled with His spirit either. I've missed that. That moment in high school when I realized what it was to fully surrender to Jesus, that was a good moment. I was so incredibly full of joy. SO incredibly in love.
Just now I was talking to Jesus and thinking about how many times since that moment that I've been stuck in the mud and mire and have needed Jesus to pull me out and place me on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. I asked Jesus, "why is it that I keep doing that? How do I keep finding myself in such deep pits?" I know if you've read my blog before you've seen me ask that question before and have witnessed my discouragement on more than one occasion.
This morning, my kitchen was quiet and there was stillness and there was Jesus. Jesus gave me such a wonderful answer to my question. In the spring time, when the snow has melted and it rains a lot and things flood and mud puddles form all over the place, I have often enjoyed putting on my oldest, worst set of clothes and jumped in the mud puddles with my brothers and friends. It's a lot of fun. Sometimes it's so fun that we laugh until our sides ache and find ourselves hopelessly stuck in the mud whilst tears of joy roll down our muddy cheeks.I remember one such instance of being very stuck in some thick mud and laughing so hard I couldn't get out. My friend endeavored to pull me out and found herself stuck as well. We both attempted to help each other but we weren't much use to each other seeing as we were both stuck. Someone had to reach in and pull us out. Some mud puddles are deeper than others. Some are stickier, some have worms, some look small and then turn out to be much deeper than originally thought. I *hate* worms. Hate hate HATE worms. I gag when I see them on the sidewalk after a good rain. But I still jump in mud puddles because it's so much fun.
And that's the trick of it all. As we walk with Jesus down the road of life there are hundreds of potholes and mud puddles along the way. We have to be careful or we'll fall in and get all muddy. But it would be far too much work to tip toe through the maze of mud puddles, they look fun! And we feel so compelled to have the fun of jumping in them that we jump in all of them. We move from puddle to puddle splashing along in our merry way.
Some times we're just splashing around and not suffering anything more than mud stains on our pant leg. Other times we find ourselves hopelessly stuck.. utterly and completely.
The answer to how we keep finding ourselves in the pits is that we keep jumping in. The answer to why we keep finding ourselves in the mud is that we think it fun. It looks appealing and we remember times we've splashed in little puddles and giggled in delight. We don't often remember the times we came out with worms between our toes or when it took Jesus' rescue helicopter coming in with a search party. We don't like to remember the times we were in the pits. Those were bad times.. hard times. Let's remember the fun times.. the moments of silliness and harmlessness...
King David once wrote, "Restore onto me the joy of your salvation." He's asking Jesus to remind Him of that first moment of being rescued. How incredibly sweet and joyful that was. He was in a hopeless pit just before that moment and he wanted to remember how it felt to be rescued. If we don't remember those moments.. we jump in big puddles again to see if they're still as sticky and dangerous and painful as people who've gone before us have warned. We think, "well, they probably weren't as strong as me so they couldn't resist the suctioning of the mud or the stickiness as well as I could." Wrong. Mud is mud. It'll getcha everytime.
And if you don't wash that mud off of you, it'll dry. It'll stain, it will become hardened to your person. I know a lot of people who are walking around with mud caked to their feet as heavy as cinderblocks cuz they don't let Jesus chisel it away for them. Seriously.. you're walk isn't gonna be going very fast with all that stuff on your feet. In fact, all that mud makes you clumsy and fall over a lot... into more mud puddles.
Psalm 40
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.
Lucky for us, God doesn't grow tired of pulling us out of the mud. He's excited for that moment when you reach blindly for help and He's gets to grab your hand and pull you out. But more than that moment, He wants to keep holding your hand and walking you through the mud puddle mind field and keep your foot from slipping. He wants to guide your steps and give you joy. He wants to carry you when there's only enough room between the mud puddles for one set of feet.
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