It is for freedom that Christ set you free.
It could only be the turmoils of my heart that could so keep me awake on such a night after so many days of exhaustion and sickness.
Hurt people hurt people.
I'll never forget the deep truth held in such a statement. People with knives and daggers and arrows left sticking out of their hearts are dangerous to be close to. Such pain nd brokenness left uncared for can only reproduce the pain and bitterness it breeds.
Forgiveness is a miracle for bringing about healing but its a wonder to me at how times one finds oneself reliving old pain. I have come to the conclusion that when Jesus told us to forgive 70 times 7 times, He meant it for one single offense. And 70 x7 for the next one after that. I'm amazed that I can forgive one person of an offense and feel whole and then somehow it comes back and hurts again and re forgive. I've often wondered if I'm doing something wrong. If I'm failing to be genuine. But every time I really actually desire that The Lord grant me the ability to forgive and I have felt at peace every time as well.
But peace and forgiveness doesn't change the past. It doesn't erase the sleepless nights or the endless amount of tears dropped on my pillow. Peace doesn't put the pieces back together, it simply fills in the cracks. Forgiveness doesn't glue one's heart back together, it just takes out the sharp things shoved into it.
That isn't to say one can never be whole again. Of course you can! Jesus does that part. But our perception of whole tends to be "back to normal" or "returned to the state I was before I was broken."
Such a thing cannot exist. If it did, The Lord would never break us. Afterall, what would be the point? I think the point of being shattered is so that The Lord can get out his extra clay and use the filling to make our vessels a little bigger and more unique. With every break and repair, more fabric is added and thus the size has increased.
But how is it do we remember what shattered us and not feel the pain? How do we extend grace and love and forgiveness back to that very moment of devastation? That is where I struggle most. My sleepless nights of my present seem to be echos of sleepless nights of my past. My tossings and turnings bring me back to the tossings and turnings of some of the darkest, emptiest nights of pure rejection and loneliness in the rawest form.
And it's no longer true. What was once true of my past, being rejected, being unwanted, being broken and discarded, they are not true of me now. I am surrounded by acceptance and approval and need and encouragement. But I am still coming to learn how to embrace the truth of today and throw off the pain of chapters now closed.
I'm not good at that part, though. Forgetting an experience. I can forget names and exam material without missing a beat. But not the darkness. Every scar has a story. No one points to a raised white line on their arm and says, "I forgot this one." People can be quick to recall, "I fell off my bike" or "I tripped in PE when I was in 1st grade."
I don't suppose God meant for us to forget. How would we ever remember a heroic rescue without a desperate need of being saved? How would we ever know what joy or healing was without first having experienced sorrow and brokenness?
He was rejected. He still is. And when I cry on my pillow and recount to him the pain of being unwanted, He doesn't take it away. He simply puts in arm around my shoulder and says, "me too." And then like Mary and Martha, we share the moment. That part where Jesus wept? Well, He's done it lots. He reminds me that we drink the same cup. He didn't come to give me a rosey-posey life of bliss. He came so that in my death, I would have life.
In the mean time, He takes me back to the broken times to remind me that my heart is stil tender and that I should guard that wellspring with every ounce of strength The Lord provides. He takes me back to remind me that some wounds are deeper and take more time. And until the wound heals into a scar, forgiveness must be applied generously and a bandage of peace wrapped gently over it.
He takes me back to the moments I needed Him most and makes it obvious He still wants to be there.
I hate to remember when my heart has been shredded, but, if it is the price of remembering how the Lords hand reached into the deepest places and stitched and stapled it back together, I will be thankful for how it s
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Gifted
11:24am and I am already to take a nap. I was up at 6am to help take my nanny kids to school. Now that I've come to have a more "dependable" vehicle, I can do that. I arrived on time @ 6:45am and even had time enough to play a game of Sorry! with the 6 year old before shoes were put on, lunches and book bags grabbed and all the children piled into my car for school.
Flat tire. Story of my life.
Fortunately enough, a 24:7 intern is staying at their house and she kindly offered the keys to her vehicle and the children were turned into the office for tardy slips only 5 minutes past the first bell. *sigh*
It was then back to my stranded car to change to the spare and return home in time for class.
Missing tire iron. Of course. The intern didn't have a tire iron either.
With phone calls and neighbor men who came to the rescue, I had my not-entirely-inflated doughnut on by 10am and was able to drop it off at a place that can fix it. I'm quite blessed to have a roommate who didn't mind coming to my rescue and letting me take her car home in exchange for me dropping her off at class.
Car Chronicles of Fern. In the last 12 months I've had:
Broken serpentine belt in the Kia.
Transmission fluid leak in Kia.
*switched out for Buick*
Broken hood latch in the buick
Broken power steering oil pump in buick
Broken windshield in buick
Stuck latch on drivers door in Buick
*Switched out for dodge caravan*
Leaking water pump
blown heat sensor fuse
broken coolent fan
Coolent leak
Transmission computer communication failure
Shot transmission altogether
*Switch for Cadillac*
Flat tire.
Missing tire iron
Cracked Windshield
Front doors don't lock and I've already had the car ransacked.
*sigh*
Such is my life I suppose.
I don't have much to complain about. I mean, I'm a privileged American girl with all the opportunities a person could ask for in life. I'm blessed with more than I could ever hope and so non-dependable cars shouldn't upset me too much, right?
However, there's something about being stuck on the side of the road hundreds of miles from my brothers and father with no resources and lack of muscles that makes one feel especially helpless.
Or maybe vulnerable is more the word.
A good friend and I had a great talk about being single last night. The whole thing with be content in the single years. We've both found it to be quite easy for the most part, but the thing is, when a guy pops up on the radar, one isn't quite so content any more. She was asking me how one goes about being content even when there is a potential out there. Ha.. well, I don't really know about that. I was very terrible at being content in the months that there was a guy on my radar and I continued in singleness and then I was very terrible at keeping surrendered to God in the months/years that I had been in a relationship with radar guy.
In the last few months as I have been re-adjusting to single life, I have been more content and satisfied than I ever was. But I think that more has to do with all the healing the Lord has done in my heart and also the fact that there has been no man to distract me from the satisfaction in my relationship with the Lord.
The only times I've really been aware of being single are the times I've been stranded on the side of the road alone. And it's not that I want a man to fix my problems or anything like that, I'm quite capable of dealing with them better than more guys I know, it's more the idea that it would be nice to have someone to even care that I often have to sit in the dirt on the side of the road and wait for a man stranger to come along and offer help. But that's just personal preference I guess.
My friend, who was asking about being content on account there might be a man pursuing her, asked also about the gift of singleness. She named one of our friends who is absolutely beautiful and, while she has been pursued by some of the most eligible men in our college ministry, still chooses to be single and devote her entire life to doing the Lord's work, especially in international ministry. She is one who is happy to stay single and would move over seas to do the Lord's work and be perfectly content to be single the rest of her life.
I've talked with her too. It's not that she doesn't have a desire in her heart for marriage or children, she does. But right now, she is content to do what she's doing now and accept those things when the time is right.
I think I have quite come to realize that people view the "Gift of Singleness" as something that it is not. I think in a lot of Christian circles, "The Gift of Singleness" is one having the ability to be okay being single. To be content and satisfied and without desire for a life partner.
No. It's not that. I've quite come to learn that the gift of singleness is the precious time you are given as a single individual. The gift of being able to serve without having to sacrifice time with your significant other.
The gift of being all there in the ministry and not be wishing to be somewhere else or with someone else.
The gift of not having your day ruined because you didn't get a text asking how your day was.
The gift of have every Friday night open for girls nights or prayer nights or sleepovers. Every weekend opened for what ever you want. It's the gift of being able to stay mingling around in your group of friends after worship ends rather than having to rush out and take a phone call or make a skype date. The gift of being able to spontaneously go hangout with your Kalona brotherhood with out having to explain it later. It's the gift of being able to have your guy friends up the street over for supper and a game night for no other reason than to enjoy their friendship.
The gift of singleness is not a skill. It is not a skill of marriage is it? No, it's a gift of marriage. So being single is not a skill, it's a gift. (Trust me.. it doesn't take any skill to be single). As far as being satisfied being single, that's the trick of it all. After all, since singleness is a gift, one should not look sadly at the gift the Lord has placed in our own hands and look longingly at the gift the Lord placed in the hands of our non-single friends. As it is, the Lord has great plans for you with the gift he gave you. Don't insult Him by spitting on it and wishing for something different. Don't think you know what you need better than he does. Don't think that your own efforts to exchange your gift for another will be successful.
Even as I write that, the Holy Spirit has brought to mind Ephesians 1:3 " Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ"
EVERY spiritual blessing. Gifted with everything the Lord could want for us.
So, maybe my car issues aren't always seen as blessings to me when I'm alone and covered in dirt and car grease and a couple hundred miles away from home, but, I do feel incredibly loved when one of my guy friends offers to try to fix it or does fix it. I have the gift of being loved through acts of service. I have the gift of somehow being taken care of, even a hundred miles from home. Some how or other, I always end up back home in my bed under my quilt with Bible verses printed all over it.
So, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the blessings the Lord has given me and I shall try to remember them when life's inconveniences try to slow me down a little.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
What's Up, Pilgrim?
"This world is not my home. This life is not my own."
The Spirit keeps bringing that to mind this morning. Not because the Lord is asking me to give something up, exactly, I just feel incredibly restless. I sense that there is a change coming on and one chapter or another will close soon. I can't place what it is, but it makes me quite un-easy.
Perhaps it is that my friend cluster has shifted for the umpteenth time since moving here four years ago. Maybe I am afraid of it this time. While it should be so well rehearsed that the transition should go smoothly I think it has gotten rockier the more it happens.
I once thought that when hard things in life are repeated you somehow grow calluses against them and are stronger for the next time around. Perhaps it is not the skin getting thicker, but a wound being dug deeper. Not that I feel like I am in agony or turmoil or anywhere close to broken or depressed, I just really dislike having to close out on things that were good and fun and brought joy to my life.
I think as my school chapter comes to a close, I'm a little distressed as to where I shall be brought to next. I shall, at some point, need to further my education so as to legally practice counseling. (If the Lord wills, of course.) But I also just want to serve the Lord, so perhaps I shall end up in another country spending my days loving God's children. Or maybe I shall find a church to settle into and work full time in ministry there, or maybe I shall take up a different sort of cross and enter the work world and be called to love my co-workers and authorities as the Lord stretches my heart to comprehend His love for His people more deeply.
I can be excited for those possibilities. I AM excited. But I have been so blessed by fellowship and encouragement in my friends these last several months that I'm quite saddened to the fact that as my heart heals, things will change.
Maybe it is that the Lord wishes me to give something up. Maybe I am being called to give up the comfort of friends who stay and don't change. Maybe I am being called to a life less constant and concrete and steady. Maybe I am too comfortable enjoying the predictable routine of the life the Lord gave me.
I realized something the other night when I was telling some of my school friends about my Kalona adventures. I've felt some whip-lash in the interactions with the different friend groups and came to realize a little of why this is.
With my school friends, when we get together, we ask each other about our weeks and days and exchange stories only from the recent past. With my Kalona friends, they tell stories of their childhoods and growing uppings and neighbors they've known since their earliest memory. I think my heart envies them just a little. To have such a concrete anchor in the ground, to be so constant, so steady, so sure. Life for them is one consistent timeline. I'm sure, that while they can probably divide it into chapters, all of them are in one book.
My life must be a series of books. With random scatterings and chapters more distant. I'm not complaining. I've quite enjoyed the adventures on which the Lord has taken me. And perhaps it is the thought that I have friends who will not change and will not move and will continue on in there well anchored life, I will be the one to leave them. After all, it was being a traveler that brought me to know of their existence and while I have stopped in to hear of their adventures as children and their continuing adventures now, there will come a point when I shall only have the memory of these friends rather than them in person.
Perhaps it is that I'm realizing that I really don't know much of the childhood stories of my close friends. I've caught bits and pieces here and there. But mostly, to each other, nothing existed before college. Our existence now consists of the daily struggle with school and peers and homework and stress. Even how our summers went are unknown to each other, unless we truly ask, which we don't.
We don't because we don't have time. Our lives are too fast paced. We barely have time to ask each other how the day is going and listen for the response before jumping on to the next thing or running off to the next class.
Or maybe it is that we fail to care of others beyond how they bring happiness to our own little lives. If the question after their day is merely so you might be entertained briefly at their response, than we, as a body of believers could very well be failing at living in a community.
Granted, it's not entirely true. I live with three women who love the Lord and have done life with me the last several years. I shall continue on doing life with them for as long as the Lord shall allow. I just hate to think that friends come in seasons and not necessarily life-time editions.
I probably sound more depressed than I am. I'm not broken, like I said. I'm just a little off about it. But I suppose it all comes back to a point of surrender. This world is not my home, Lord. Therefore I shall go outside the camp and meet you there. After all, I have learned that my city, my place in life, is not an enduring one. No, I am looking for a city that is to come.
A city as constant as the One who made it. Some day, I shall live in that city. It shan't be dirty and corrupt like the one in which I now live. One where people tell their full stories and we shall have all the time outside the world to listen to them. Yes, some day, I'll be livin' in a big ol' city. The Lord's city.
Until then, I'll be obedient to the next chapter.
The Spirit keeps bringing that to mind this morning. Not because the Lord is asking me to give something up, exactly, I just feel incredibly restless. I sense that there is a change coming on and one chapter or another will close soon. I can't place what it is, but it makes me quite un-easy.
Perhaps it is that my friend cluster has shifted for the umpteenth time since moving here four years ago. Maybe I am afraid of it this time. While it should be so well rehearsed that the transition should go smoothly I think it has gotten rockier the more it happens.
I once thought that when hard things in life are repeated you somehow grow calluses against them and are stronger for the next time around. Perhaps it is not the skin getting thicker, but a wound being dug deeper. Not that I feel like I am in agony or turmoil or anywhere close to broken or depressed, I just really dislike having to close out on things that were good and fun and brought joy to my life.
I think as my school chapter comes to a close, I'm a little distressed as to where I shall be brought to next. I shall, at some point, need to further my education so as to legally practice counseling. (If the Lord wills, of course.) But I also just want to serve the Lord, so perhaps I shall end up in another country spending my days loving God's children. Or maybe I shall find a church to settle into and work full time in ministry there, or maybe I shall take up a different sort of cross and enter the work world and be called to love my co-workers and authorities as the Lord stretches my heart to comprehend His love for His people more deeply.
I can be excited for those possibilities. I AM excited. But I have been so blessed by fellowship and encouragement in my friends these last several months that I'm quite saddened to the fact that as my heart heals, things will change.
Maybe it is that the Lord wishes me to give something up. Maybe I am being called to give up the comfort of friends who stay and don't change. Maybe I am being called to a life less constant and concrete and steady. Maybe I am too comfortable enjoying the predictable routine of the life the Lord gave me.
I realized something the other night when I was telling some of my school friends about my Kalona adventures. I've felt some whip-lash in the interactions with the different friend groups and came to realize a little of why this is.
With my school friends, when we get together, we ask each other about our weeks and days and exchange stories only from the recent past. With my Kalona friends, they tell stories of their childhoods and growing uppings and neighbors they've known since their earliest memory. I think my heart envies them just a little. To have such a concrete anchor in the ground, to be so constant, so steady, so sure. Life for them is one consistent timeline. I'm sure, that while they can probably divide it into chapters, all of them are in one book.
My life must be a series of books. With random scatterings and chapters more distant. I'm not complaining. I've quite enjoyed the adventures on which the Lord has taken me. And perhaps it is the thought that I have friends who will not change and will not move and will continue on in there well anchored life, I will be the one to leave them. After all, it was being a traveler that brought me to know of their existence and while I have stopped in to hear of their adventures as children and their continuing adventures now, there will come a point when I shall only have the memory of these friends rather than them in person.
Perhaps it is that I'm realizing that I really don't know much of the childhood stories of my close friends. I've caught bits and pieces here and there. But mostly, to each other, nothing existed before college. Our existence now consists of the daily struggle with school and peers and homework and stress. Even how our summers went are unknown to each other, unless we truly ask, which we don't.
We don't because we don't have time. Our lives are too fast paced. We barely have time to ask each other how the day is going and listen for the response before jumping on to the next thing or running off to the next class.
Or maybe it is that we fail to care of others beyond how they bring happiness to our own little lives. If the question after their day is merely so you might be entertained briefly at their response, than we, as a body of believers could very well be failing at living in a community.
Granted, it's not entirely true. I live with three women who love the Lord and have done life with me the last several years. I shall continue on doing life with them for as long as the Lord shall allow. I just hate to think that friends come in seasons and not necessarily life-time editions.
I probably sound more depressed than I am. I'm not broken, like I said. I'm just a little off about it. But I suppose it all comes back to a point of surrender. This world is not my home, Lord. Therefore I shall go outside the camp and meet you there. After all, I have learned that my city, my place in life, is not an enduring one. No, I am looking for a city that is to come.
A city as constant as the One who made it. Some day, I shall live in that city. It shan't be dirty and corrupt like the one in which I now live. One where people tell their full stories and we shall have all the time outside the world to listen to them. Yes, some day, I'll be livin' in a big ol' city. The Lord's city.
Until then, I'll be obedient to the next chapter.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Tuesday is the New Monday
Reality is a cruel thing to wake up to.
I shouldn't complain, I suppose, my life isn't that difficult. My work load isn't too much yet, either. But my time at home was as wonderful as I could have imagined and I have returned back with boxes of fresh apples and tomatoes and onions and pumpkins, all from our lovely garden.
I like free stuff. But it's more the idea that the life pace of my family is relaxed and patient enough to have time to plant and tend to and wait to harvest such fruits of their labor. I think I like the idea of farming as it seems to be a more patient life-style than my own.
In the meantime, returning home was a bit of adventure yesterday. Well, nothing too out of the ordinary for us. It was anticipated and accepted with a shrug of the shoulders and an, "oh well, we'll move on."
On account my van has decided to bow out with a little less grace than I would have liked, when I returned home I fetched a new transportation vehicle. Yesterday afternoon, with my Iowa State brothers leading the way, my sister in her car and me in my car, shipped out in three vehicles in a fun little caravan figuring we'd stay as a pod for at least 2 hours. As we drove out I received, first, a phone call from my sister saying, "All wings report in. Red-2 standing by." And then a call from my brothers saying, "This is Red leader. Red-1, do you copy?" With my delighted response of "Red Leader, this is Red-1 standing by" and their affirmation of all crafts together, our merry little party was on our way.
Some 12ish miles down the road we stopped for gas at this nothing pump in a little town that has the "Welcome to Nemaha" on both sides of the sign. Pearl's car was steaming something feirce out of her coolent so we popped the hood to let it cool off a little. It was then that we noticed the whole engine was either steaming a lot or smoking. With a quick consult with our father we determined to keep going. We told the brotherhood that if we bowed out, just keep going. And if Pearl's car stopped, we'd just transfer everything to mine and ride back together.
2 miles later... the brotherhood kept going and after a 5 minute transfer of Pearl's bounty to my hopefully-dependable-ride Pearl and I left the poor smoking, dead thing on the side of the road and didn't look much back. Looks like we might be car shopping this weekend.
Whilst driving back we both were thinking reality wasn't something we wanted to welcome back into our lives and thus devised a plan that we would only stop long enough to get pearl's stuff into her apartment and then we would run away and find paths to explore and sights to see whilst procrastinating life a little longer. As we set off for that, we were invited to Kalona for a bonfire and I think my heart did a little happy dance.
We still explored paths and neighborhoods in Iowa City firstly, and found places we didn't even know existed.
As it was, Kalona was beautiful and it was perfect, as usual. Upon arriving home and showering off the smokey bear smell, I procrastinated life further still by refusing to go to sleep, knowing it would only bring morning sooner. Well, that was probably a poor choice. When the alarm went off at 7:30, I was far from ready to accept it and I was just epically thankful that my roommate had refilled the ice-coffee pitcher in our refrigerator.
Now that I've gotten at least one good cup, and have already pulled out folders and caught up on paper work and appointment making and people contacting for the morning, I suppose I shall complete my acceptance of this day by getting dressed and going to class.
*sigh*
At least it's a shorter week. :)
I shouldn't complain, I suppose, my life isn't that difficult. My work load isn't too much yet, either. But my time at home was as wonderful as I could have imagined and I have returned back with boxes of fresh apples and tomatoes and onions and pumpkins, all from our lovely garden.
I like free stuff. But it's more the idea that the life pace of my family is relaxed and patient enough to have time to plant and tend to and wait to harvest such fruits of their labor. I think I like the idea of farming as it seems to be a more patient life-style than my own.
In the meantime, returning home was a bit of adventure yesterday. Well, nothing too out of the ordinary for us. It was anticipated and accepted with a shrug of the shoulders and an, "oh well, we'll move on."
On account my van has decided to bow out with a little less grace than I would have liked, when I returned home I fetched a new transportation vehicle. Yesterday afternoon, with my Iowa State brothers leading the way, my sister in her car and me in my car, shipped out in three vehicles in a fun little caravan figuring we'd stay as a pod for at least 2 hours. As we drove out I received, first, a phone call from my sister saying, "All wings report in. Red-2 standing by." And then a call from my brothers saying, "This is Red leader. Red-1, do you copy?" With my delighted response of "Red Leader, this is Red-1 standing by" and their affirmation of all crafts together, our merry little party was on our way.
Some 12ish miles down the road we stopped for gas at this nothing pump in a little town that has the "Welcome to Nemaha" on both sides of the sign. Pearl's car was steaming something feirce out of her coolent so we popped the hood to let it cool off a little. It was then that we noticed the whole engine was either steaming a lot or smoking. With a quick consult with our father we determined to keep going. We told the brotherhood that if we bowed out, just keep going. And if Pearl's car stopped, we'd just transfer everything to mine and ride back together.
2 miles later... the brotherhood kept going and after a 5 minute transfer of Pearl's bounty to my hopefully-dependable-ride Pearl and I left the poor smoking, dead thing on the side of the road and didn't look much back. Looks like we might be car shopping this weekend.
Whilst driving back we both were thinking reality wasn't something we wanted to welcome back into our lives and thus devised a plan that we would only stop long enough to get pearl's stuff into her apartment and then we would run away and find paths to explore and sights to see whilst procrastinating life a little longer. As we set off for that, we were invited to Kalona for a bonfire and I think my heart did a little happy dance.
We still explored paths and neighborhoods in Iowa City firstly, and found places we didn't even know existed.
As it was, Kalona was beautiful and it was perfect, as usual. Upon arriving home and showering off the smokey bear smell, I procrastinated life further still by refusing to go to sleep, knowing it would only bring morning sooner. Well, that was probably a poor choice. When the alarm went off at 7:30, I was far from ready to accept it and I was just epically thankful that my roommate had refilled the ice-coffee pitcher in our refrigerator.
Now that I've gotten at least one good cup, and have already pulled out folders and caught up on paper work and appointment making and people contacting for the morning, I suppose I shall complete my acceptance of this day by getting dressed and going to class.
*sigh*
At least it's a shorter week. :)
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Looking forward to home
How my schedule has flip flopped! From not being able to sleep pass 7 all summer on account I was trained to wake up at 5 and now that school has started, well, I've taken a few more liberties by way of hours allotted for sleep.
Yes, classes have started again and the anticipation of my december graduation makes the dread of class work a little more bearable. I've found that I've quite gotten better at the whole psychology thing, to some extent at any rate and have found that the information on how people work has aided in my quest to know others more personally.
Today is my last day of the school week and I'm quite thankful for that for several reasons. The first being that I don't have a working vehicle this week and it has been less than wonderful being that I have been confined to my house on the days I'm not headed to campus with my roommates. With the heat and the distance, it wasn't worth trekking to campus simply for extroverted interactions.
The second reason I am thankful is because the rumors of a gathering of kohl siblings have been flying the last week and tomorrow I shall make the delightful trip back to storm lake with Pearl and we shall, stop off in Ames to collect a brother or two. And then we shall be home!! Sleeping in what ever bed or floor is available (ill probably be put up with Eva and rose as that's usually what happens) . More than likely I will wake up Saturday morning to find that the little ones have cooked us all breakfast and then I shall start a large vat of coffee on the stove. The siblings will sit on chairs in the kitchen not necessarily around the table and wait on the coffee, which we shall serve to each other as the ones we prepare for ourselves get spoken for before we have a chance to bring it to our mouths.
Mom will want to show us her new projects at home and my dad will drag me outside to show me the
new car I will have and catch me up on all the new car quirks
I will take on this semester.
We will take our coffees to the living room and pile all over one another as we interview Ken on his freshman college experience thus far and listen to him and kit tell stories of shenanigans. Kyle will keep popping in to ask someone to verse him in air hockey or fooseball and Pearl will be kind enough to accept. Grace will ask her where she is going and Pearl will respond, "I told Kyle I'd play a game with him" and kolby will follow both of them to the porch. Eva will invite me to paint with her and Rose will be plotting some baking project.
Mom will pop in right in the middle of a story and insist the story be starts over so she can know what's so funny. Then dad will come back and take all the boys with muscles to go chop wood and he'll want all of us girls to pick tomatoes and such business as that. We'll probably all insists that it's too hot to go chop wood and pick tomatoes out of the greenhouse at this time of day, plus it'd be too much effort to untangle ourselves from our pile of cuddling at that moment anyways. He'll accept our agreement to do it a little later and then will sit down at the computer
and start a game of Age of Empires or that card game that's on there. Mom won't notice at first but then she'll say for him to get off.
And that's basically how it will go. Coffee, cuddling, and story telling. When it gets to be dark outside, Grace will suggest a movie or a game of Dominion. If the boys aren't engrossed in a 4-way Age of Empires game with themselves and Dad, they will accept and we all will join in. Pearl will sit at the table with her book and Grace will beg her to play with us and if she accepts, she will cheat and chuckle to herself. If she doesn't play, she'll sit with her book and occasionally comment on things. Kyle will see that she's the only one not preoccupied with the game and will ask for another game of air hockey. She'll hesitate some but she'll agree eventually.
Mom will come in around 9 and inform us all that there is church in the morning and that the little kids need to go to bed. We'll all respond that we know about
church and that if she lets us keep the kids up a little longer
we'll be in charge of putting them to bed. She'll agree and some time after 10 we'll send them upstairs and hope they can put themselves to bed. Eva, as a 13 year old, has joined the ranks well enough to stay up with us as late as she wants, as long as she agrees not to be grouchy in the morning.
And that is how it will go. It will be wonderful :) until then, my book bag us packed and I'm ready to spend my whole day on campus and then worship at salt company tonight! It shall be great!!
Yes, classes have started again and the anticipation of my december graduation makes the dread of class work a little more bearable. I've found that I've quite gotten better at the whole psychology thing, to some extent at any rate and have found that the information on how people work has aided in my quest to know others more personally.
Today is my last day of the school week and I'm quite thankful for that for several reasons. The first being that I don't have a working vehicle this week and it has been less than wonderful being that I have been confined to my house on the days I'm not headed to campus with my roommates. With the heat and the distance, it wasn't worth trekking to campus simply for extroverted interactions.
The second reason I am thankful is because the rumors of a gathering of kohl siblings have been flying the last week and tomorrow I shall make the delightful trip back to storm lake with Pearl and we shall, stop off in Ames to collect a brother or two. And then we shall be home!! Sleeping in what ever bed or floor is available (ill probably be put up with Eva and rose as that's usually what happens) . More than likely I will wake up Saturday morning to find that the little ones have cooked us all breakfast and then I shall start a large vat of coffee on the stove. The siblings will sit on chairs in the kitchen not necessarily around the table and wait on the coffee, which we shall serve to each other as the ones we prepare for ourselves get spoken for before we have a chance to bring it to our mouths.
Mom will want to show us her new projects at home and my dad will drag me outside to show me the
new car I will have and catch me up on all the new car quirks
I will take on this semester.
We will take our coffees to the living room and pile all over one another as we interview Ken on his freshman college experience thus far and listen to him and kit tell stories of shenanigans. Kyle will keep popping in to ask someone to verse him in air hockey or fooseball and Pearl will be kind enough to accept. Grace will ask her where she is going and Pearl will respond, "I told Kyle I'd play a game with him" and kolby will follow both of them to the porch. Eva will invite me to paint with her and Rose will be plotting some baking project.
Mom will pop in right in the middle of a story and insist the story be starts over so she can know what's so funny. Then dad will come back and take all the boys with muscles to go chop wood and he'll want all of us girls to pick tomatoes and such business as that. We'll probably all insists that it's too hot to go chop wood and pick tomatoes out of the greenhouse at this time of day, plus it'd be too much effort to untangle ourselves from our pile of cuddling at that moment anyways. He'll accept our agreement to do it a little later and then will sit down at the computer
and start a game of Age of Empires or that card game that's on there. Mom won't notice at first but then she'll say for him to get off.
And that's basically how it will go. Coffee, cuddling, and story telling. When it gets to be dark outside, Grace will suggest a movie or a game of Dominion. If the boys aren't engrossed in a 4-way Age of Empires game with themselves and Dad, they will accept and we all will join in. Pearl will sit at the table with her book and Grace will beg her to play with us and if she accepts, she will cheat and chuckle to herself. If she doesn't play, she'll sit with her book and occasionally comment on things. Kyle will see that she's the only one not preoccupied with the game and will ask for another game of air hockey. She'll hesitate some but she'll agree eventually.
Mom will come in around 9 and inform us all that there is church in the morning and that the little kids need to go to bed. We'll all respond that we know about
church and that if she lets us keep the kids up a little longer
we'll be in charge of putting them to bed. She'll agree and some time after 10 we'll send them upstairs and hope they can put themselves to bed. Eva, as a 13 year old, has joined the ranks well enough to stay up with us as late as she wants, as long as she agrees not to be grouchy in the morning.
And that is how it will go. It will be wonderful :) until then, my book bag us packed and I'm ready to spend my whole day on campus and then worship at salt company tonight! It shall be great!!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
University of Iowa: #number1 #partyschool
"Boo! You guys aren't welcome here." I can remember it like it was yesterday. The words stung as our service project of taking out trash for students in the dorms had found us at the room of students belonging to a different ministry. A new ministry had just planted in Iowa City at the University of Iowa and the tension ran high.
There was tension long before it, the new ministry, got here. I remember freshman year being pulled this way and that as I was told, "I tried out that other ministry, but this one is the better one, trust me." or "That ministry over there isn't as great as this one here because blah bah blah..." It didn't matter who belonging to what I was talking to, no matter what, it was basically the same story all the time, "Love mine and hate the other."
There are lots of campus ministries here, but there were only a small handful of large, well-known movements and those were the ones known for competing the most. Numbers. I hate numbers.
When I came to school here, I never worried about making friends in my classes or fitting in with other students in my field. My biggest concern was for my community of believers and if I've got at least that, I'm set to go any where or do anything.
Half-way through my first semeseter here and already being fully committed and involved in one of the ministries, I found myself like a fish out of water, suffocating in too shallow of water. There was a lot of feel good messages and super simple explainations of "Church words" like, "righteousness" and "sin."
If the target audience was people who had never in their life before, heard the gospel, they were perfect. But I often found myself craving much more. It was around October of my freshman year that I began deeply considering transferring to ISU for the ministry they had there that my older siblings had attended.
Of couse I had the battle of, "But if I leave, who will be the example of following Jesus to those that don't know?" But then, I would look at my life and how bitter I had become towards the ministry I had joined on account I'd trusted them with my heart, to grow it and love it and cause me to love Jesus more deeply and all I had was brokenness. It was my own fault, of course, for putting the responsibility of growing my heart on a church or a ministry, but I had not fully learned that yet as I had grown up in a church my whole life.
As I battled within myself on stay or go or what I should do, I was elated around Thanksgiving when my brother attending ISU informed me that the ministry he attended would actually be coming to Iowa the following year. YAY!!!!
I began emailing with one of the pastors and then the women's director and my excitment grew steadily. Tension about the intrusion of an other ministry coming grew steadily as well.
"Who do they think they are? We've got this campus covered." "We don't need them here"
"They're on our turf." And other such things as that.
There were a small handful, though, that wanted to be excited and would say things like, "We need all the help we can get."
The University of Iowa recently was proudly named the number one party school in the US. Iowa City, known as the Sin City of the Midwest had been named 3rd gayest city in the nation. To say that this city, this campus, is a dark place would be an understatement. Sometimes the heaviness is so thick it's hard not to feel a little depressed.
I've heard Christian parents respond with mixed reactions to the fact that Iowa is now number one party school. Some are worried and feel a little bit of guilt sending their God-fearing child to such a dispicable place. Some are indifferent. Some see it as a missions opportunity.
I have the coolest mom. She was one that was responding with excitment as she encouraged those of us who live here to take up the cross and "get to work" here. "You have work to do" I believe is what she said. What a response.
"Not that I have already obtained all of this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me. Brothers and sisters I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Phil 3: 12-14
Press on toward the goal. What is our goal?
As believers on campus, what is it that we have been called to? Is it to run about trying to collect people to join our student organizations and get them to say "I am a member of this one" or "I attend the best one on campus" ? Is our job to be the biggest and the best and be the most well known?
Is our goal to make everyone to stop drinking and filling their empty lives with drinking and drugs and promisquity?
No. We are not called to make people to stop drinking. We are not called to stop the partying and the drug use or the homosexuality.
The Lord never said, "Go ye therefore and stop the partying on all campuses, condemning non-believers in the name of the Father, Son, and holy Spirit. Teaching them that you are the best ministry and they must only attend yours. And Lo, I am with you always, but only when you have the most numbers of people in your church"
No. We don't want numbers. We want deciples. Believers. People who truly love Jesus.
Ministry is a bit like a relationship. Go at it slowly, build it strong, be careful to get to know others well and let love abound. Don't get caught up in the physical stuff. The activites and the games. The important stuff is the heart stuff.
"Now as to love the bretheren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves were taught by God to love one another; for indeed you practices it for all brethren who are in macidonia. But we urge you, bretheren, exel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. To keep to your own business and and work with your hands, just as we have commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in need." 1 Thess. 4:9-12
Love one another. Behave properly toward outsiders. Excel still more.
The first weeks of school are huge for campus ministries. With the freshman unaware of where to plug in, there is a major push to get campus names out there so that they know what their options are.
Friday night there were rumors that freshman would be coming out of Kinnick stadium by the packs and gaggles and bunches at 8pm. I showed up in my shirt with flyers and invites in hand and noticed lots of other people milling about waiting for the victims, er, freshman. Their flyers were a different color and I very quickly realized that I was standing right in the middle of 20 other people belonging to another ministry.
I felt a little like I was intruding. They had been there first, afterall. I wasn't trying to get my name out over theirs. If there had been a different corner to pass out flyers on, I would have moved. But as it was, I actually had friends in that ministry and there was no tension as I stood among them waiting.
What a moment. The moment when I stood next to someone in another ministry and we alternated passing out invites whilst encouraging each other.
When the freshman were gone there was a lot of meeting and introducing ourselves to the other students. It was all friendly and loving and gentleness and kindness. Words of encouragement rather than words of animosity.
Joy.
I've been here for 4 years now. In that time the University of Iowa went from being in the top 10 party schools, to number 2, and now THEE number one. To anyone on the outside, they could say that it has gotten worse. That the darkness has only gotten thicker and that the campus is more lost than before.
I will gladly be the one to tell you that the Lord is moving on this campus. There are seeds being planted and nurtured and the fruits of the Spirit are growing and there is fruit.
The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. There is much to celebrate here.
We are gaining. We're gaining ground. We're in a battle. There is a war going on and we are winning. Yes, we are winning.
University of Iowa: Number one party school in the US. Number one place to come if you want see the Lord work. Number one place to come if you want to feel needed as a believer. Number one place to actively live out the challenge of loving Jesus in the world. Number one place to practice being in the world but not of it.
"Go therefore, to the ends of the earth."
If there was ever a place that is the farthest end of the earth from where believers were sent out from Judea, it's probably Iowa City, Iowa.
If there ever was a place to live out the great comission, the University of Iowa is as good as any.
Is it hard to be a beliver here? No.
I think it would be hard for me to be a believer any where else. I need it. If it were anything less it'd be easy to become passive and apathetic. It'd be too easy for me to cease clinging and stop growing. It'd be too easy for me to become stagnant in my walk.
Press on.
"We are hard pressed on everyside, but not crushed"
See You At the Pole is coming up again, soon. I don't care how many people show up. But I shall love to pray with all the believers who choose to come.
We have work to do here. All of us. And we shall have joy in working in unity.
There was tension long before it, the new ministry, got here. I remember freshman year being pulled this way and that as I was told, "I tried out that other ministry, but this one is the better one, trust me." or "That ministry over there isn't as great as this one here because blah bah blah..." It didn't matter who belonging to what I was talking to, no matter what, it was basically the same story all the time, "Love mine and hate the other."
There are lots of campus ministries here, but there were only a small handful of large, well-known movements and those were the ones known for competing the most. Numbers. I hate numbers.
When I came to school here, I never worried about making friends in my classes or fitting in with other students in my field. My biggest concern was for my community of believers and if I've got at least that, I'm set to go any where or do anything.
Half-way through my first semeseter here and already being fully committed and involved in one of the ministries, I found myself like a fish out of water, suffocating in too shallow of water. There was a lot of feel good messages and super simple explainations of "Church words" like, "righteousness" and "sin."
If the target audience was people who had never in their life before, heard the gospel, they were perfect. But I often found myself craving much more. It was around October of my freshman year that I began deeply considering transferring to ISU for the ministry they had there that my older siblings had attended.
Of couse I had the battle of, "But if I leave, who will be the example of following Jesus to those that don't know?" But then, I would look at my life and how bitter I had become towards the ministry I had joined on account I'd trusted them with my heart, to grow it and love it and cause me to love Jesus more deeply and all I had was brokenness. It was my own fault, of course, for putting the responsibility of growing my heart on a church or a ministry, but I had not fully learned that yet as I had grown up in a church my whole life.
As I battled within myself on stay or go or what I should do, I was elated around Thanksgiving when my brother attending ISU informed me that the ministry he attended would actually be coming to Iowa the following year. YAY!!!!
I began emailing with one of the pastors and then the women's director and my excitment grew steadily. Tension about the intrusion of an other ministry coming grew steadily as well.
"Who do they think they are? We've got this campus covered." "We don't need them here"
"They're on our turf." And other such things as that.
There were a small handful, though, that wanted to be excited and would say things like, "We need all the help we can get."
The University of Iowa recently was proudly named the number one party school in the US. Iowa City, known as the Sin City of the Midwest had been named 3rd gayest city in the nation. To say that this city, this campus, is a dark place would be an understatement. Sometimes the heaviness is so thick it's hard not to feel a little depressed.
I've heard Christian parents respond with mixed reactions to the fact that Iowa is now number one party school. Some are worried and feel a little bit of guilt sending their God-fearing child to such a dispicable place. Some are indifferent. Some see it as a missions opportunity.
I have the coolest mom. She was one that was responding with excitment as she encouraged those of us who live here to take up the cross and "get to work" here. "You have work to do" I believe is what she said. What a response.
"Not that I have already obtained all of this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me. Brothers and sisters I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Phil 3: 12-14
Press on toward the goal. What is our goal?
As believers on campus, what is it that we have been called to? Is it to run about trying to collect people to join our student organizations and get them to say "I am a member of this one" or "I attend the best one on campus" ? Is our job to be the biggest and the best and be the most well known?
Is our goal to make everyone to stop drinking and filling their empty lives with drinking and drugs and promisquity?
No. We are not called to make people to stop drinking. We are not called to stop the partying and the drug use or the homosexuality.
The Lord never said, "Go ye therefore and stop the partying on all campuses, condemning non-believers in the name of the Father, Son, and holy Spirit. Teaching them that you are the best ministry and they must only attend yours. And Lo, I am with you always, but only when you have the most numbers of people in your church"
No. We don't want numbers. We want deciples. Believers. People who truly love Jesus.
Ministry is a bit like a relationship. Go at it slowly, build it strong, be careful to get to know others well and let love abound. Don't get caught up in the physical stuff. The activites and the games. The important stuff is the heart stuff.
"Now as to love the bretheren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves were taught by God to love one another; for indeed you practices it for all brethren who are in macidonia. But we urge you, bretheren, exel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. To keep to your own business and and work with your hands, just as we have commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in need." 1 Thess. 4:9-12
Love one another. Behave properly toward outsiders. Excel still more.
The first weeks of school are huge for campus ministries. With the freshman unaware of where to plug in, there is a major push to get campus names out there so that they know what their options are.
Friday night there were rumors that freshman would be coming out of Kinnick stadium by the packs and gaggles and bunches at 8pm. I showed up in my shirt with flyers and invites in hand and noticed lots of other people milling about waiting for the victims, er, freshman. Their flyers were a different color and I very quickly realized that I was standing right in the middle of 20 other people belonging to another ministry.
I felt a little like I was intruding. They had been there first, afterall. I wasn't trying to get my name out over theirs. If there had been a different corner to pass out flyers on, I would have moved. But as it was, I actually had friends in that ministry and there was no tension as I stood among them waiting.
What a moment. The moment when I stood next to someone in another ministry and we alternated passing out invites whilst encouraging each other.
When the freshman were gone there was a lot of meeting and introducing ourselves to the other students. It was all friendly and loving and gentleness and kindness. Words of encouragement rather than words of animosity.
Joy.
I've been here for 4 years now. In that time the University of Iowa went from being in the top 10 party schools, to number 2, and now THEE number one. To anyone on the outside, they could say that it has gotten worse. That the darkness has only gotten thicker and that the campus is more lost than before.
I will gladly be the one to tell you that the Lord is moving on this campus. There are seeds being planted and nurtured and the fruits of the Spirit are growing and there is fruit.
The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. There is much to celebrate here.
We are gaining. We're gaining ground. We're in a battle. There is a war going on and we are winning. Yes, we are winning.
University of Iowa: Number one party school in the US. Number one place to come if you want see the Lord work. Number one place to come if you want to feel needed as a believer. Number one place to actively live out the challenge of loving Jesus in the world. Number one place to practice being in the world but not of it.
"Go therefore, to the ends of the earth."
If there was ever a place that is the farthest end of the earth from where believers were sent out from Judea, it's probably Iowa City, Iowa.
If there ever was a place to live out the great comission, the University of Iowa is as good as any.
Is it hard to be a beliver here? No.
I think it would be hard for me to be a believer any where else. I need it. If it were anything less it'd be easy to become passive and apathetic. It'd be too easy for me to cease clinging and stop growing. It'd be too easy for me to become stagnant in my walk.
Press on.
"We are hard pressed on everyside, but not crushed"
See You At the Pole is coming up again, soon. I don't care how many people show up. But I shall love to pray with all the believers who choose to come.
We have work to do here. All of us. And we shall have joy in working in unity.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Life in the Last Week
Last night before bed I put my phone on silent and turned it face down on the desk on the opposite side of my room. I've been looking forward to doing that for so long. *sigh* And then I slept. I slept and I slept until there was nothing left to sleep. When I finally emerged from my covers and squinted in the light of the morning (first time I've had to that in a while) I looked over at my clock thinking I'd see that it was somewhere between 9 and 10.
7:37am. Phew! What a late sleeper I am. Well, it was two hours later than I usually do on a week day and my exhaustion had me in bed at 10:30. Plus I'm rested AND have the whole day ahead of me. Yay!
Well, rested is a general term I think. Intense activities won't calm down for a little while, but I'm okay with those. I like people.
Intense. That is what this week has been and that is the most suited description of our leaders retreat. I don't know how other ministries bring about unity and team bonding but ours operates a little like boot camp. I mean, last years team bonding activity was a little intense, but I loved the rush of it. I mean, sure we had to swim across a lake and back carrying a log in our arms and you had to run all over the yard doing various activities, and while we ended the thing tired and one girl threw up, overall it wasn't that bad. So as I went into this year's retreat, I was thinking it'd be intense but nothing too bad.
Ha well, sometimes I forget that one of our staff leaders was the strength training coach for the Jets football team.
This years leaders retreat activities:
-balance all 5 team members on a "lily pad" in the lake. (A large styrofoam floating pad). That wasn't bad, just took a little muscle control.
-Balance on a inner tube and catch a frisbee thrown out into the lake
-Answer 5 trivia questions. That doesn't sound bad either. Except you had to swim across the lake and back for every question you got wrong. (WHO WAS THE 9th PRESIDENT??)
-Speed walk a mile. Up and down hills. Keep in mind you are racing against all the other teams and timing is everything. It was actually 1/2 a mile to one of the activity stations and 1/2 a mile back. So it wasn't straight up a mile long race.
-300 push ups. (Guess which staff member chose this activity.. Jets coach guy, of course) We were able to split it up, though. I only did 60. (After I'd speed walked a mile, swam across the lake and back and a few other things) Does any other ministry have them do 300 push ups to get ready to lead bible studies??
-Kayak across the lake and back. This was easy. Apart from the fact that mine was filled with water when it was passed off to me and in my eagerness to turn around and race back to shore, I was dumped out into the water with an upside down kayak and a lot of mud. I was laughing at myself, but apparently one of the staff ladies looked out across the lake to see the upside down kayak and my oar but couldn't see my head above the water which incited a little worry and some one was sent in the remaining kayak to rescue me.
-Make it from one side of the yard to the other using 3 logs of wood. If you fall, you have to start over. The logs were heavy and it was a balancing act to have two people going on the logs.
-Pick a number and eat the mystery bag with the corresponding number. My team got to eat a large red onion. I enjoy onions, so I volunteered to work on it til I couldn't any more. That was rough. The acid in the onion hurt so bad I may have started to cry. But it was a little funny I suppose. Just how bad it was.
-Shoot a basket into the trash can in the yard from the upper deck. Every time you miss, your whole team has to run down the stairs, tag the trash can, and run back up.
-Drop three marshmallows consecutively into someone's mouth off of the upper deck.
-Get your whole team over a 3 1/2 ft high rope with out touching it at all. If anyone touches at any point, you have to start over.
-Read Song of Solomon passages out loud for everyone to hear.
-Build a spaghetti tower 18in tall with a marshmallow on top.
I think that's it. I can't remember if there was anything more. It might not sound that intense, but I'm still feeling it in my lower abs just a little. We went at this Amazing Race/Surivor challenge thing for 3 1/2 hours before a team finally finished and the rest of us bowed out with grace.
Those things are great for revealing people's character. You see how they treat their teammates under the stress of time pressure. You see if people will push their whole team to be the fastest or if they'll hang back with the ones who don't have the same capacities of others.
You see if people jump over the rope first themselves because they can, or if they are focused on getting their team over the rope. You see if they push eachother through the push ups or volunteer to do extra for some of their team mates.
You see how they treat the other teams with smack talk or encouragement. You see how they encourage eachother or just push to go faster.
You see if they want to win or if they just want to see their team get through it. I love that. I love seeing how a body of believers takes on physical and emotionally exhausting situations and brings in buckets of grace to wash over the situation.
Concession starts next weekend. 8 hours on your feet with drunk customers, half time slams, and the need for extrem caution as every cup, tray, hotdog, and lid must be counted and accounted for by the end of the game or risk getting charged. Extreme caution and extreme pressure for quick service makes for a very intense bonding experience for the Salt Company leaders. I'm ready. I'm excited.
It's just been a difficult week, emotionally. My transmission has gotten worse (if that were possible). Besides the fact that it can't go more than 35 mph. It randomly drops into neutral at the most inconvenient times like at the bottom of a big hill in heavy traffic. I can't do anything if my car dies in the middle of traffic. I've had this happen so many times to me before. It's never easier or less stressful. It's awful every time. So as the start of school approaches, the wonder after how I shall make it to class and such adds just a little more tension to my life.
*sigh* Life. And cars. I hate vehicle problems with all my heart and soul and mind. I hate the helplessness of being stuck in traffic with a car that won't go and smoke pouring out of the engine. I hate that my van can't go more than 35 mph and so it would take me 10 hrs to drive home and swap out for a new one.
7:37am. Phew! What a late sleeper I am. Well, it was two hours later than I usually do on a week day and my exhaustion had me in bed at 10:30. Plus I'm rested AND have the whole day ahead of me. Yay!
Well, rested is a general term I think. Intense activities won't calm down for a little while, but I'm okay with those. I like people.
Intense. That is what this week has been and that is the most suited description of our leaders retreat. I don't know how other ministries bring about unity and team bonding but ours operates a little like boot camp. I mean, last years team bonding activity was a little intense, but I loved the rush of it. I mean, sure we had to swim across a lake and back carrying a log in our arms and you had to run all over the yard doing various activities, and while we ended the thing tired and one girl threw up, overall it wasn't that bad. So as I went into this year's retreat, I was thinking it'd be intense but nothing too bad.
Ha well, sometimes I forget that one of our staff leaders was the strength training coach for the Jets football team.
This years leaders retreat activities:
-balance all 5 team members on a "lily pad" in the lake. (A large styrofoam floating pad). That wasn't bad, just took a little muscle control.
-Balance on a inner tube and catch a frisbee thrown out into the lake
-Answer 5 trivia questions. That doesn't sound bad either. Except you had to swim across the lake and back for every question you got wrong. (WHO WAS THE 9th PRESIDENT??)
-Speed walk a mile. Up and down hills. Keep in mind you are racing against all the other teams and timing is everything. It was actually 1/2 a mile to one of the activity stations and 1/2 a mile back. So it wasn't straight up a mile long race.
-300 push ups. (Guess which staff member chose this activity.. Jets coach guy, of course) We were able to split it up, though. I only did 60. (After I'd speed walked a mile, swam across the lake and back and a few other things) Does any other ministry have them do 300 push ups to get ready to lead bible studies??
-Kayak across the lake and back. This was easy. Apart from the fact that mine was filled with water when it was passed off to me and in my eagerness to turn around and race back to shore, I was dumped out into the water with an upside down kayak and a lot of mud. I was laughing at myself, but apparently one of the staff ladies looked out across the lake to see the upside down kayak and my oar but couldn't see my head above the water which incited a little worry and some one was sent in the remaining kayak to rescue me.
-Make it from one side of the yard to the other using 3 logs of wood. If you fall, you have to start over. The logs were heavy and it was a balancing act to have two people going on the logs.
-Pick a number and eat the mystery bag with the corresponding number. My team got to eat a large red onion. I enjoy onions, so I volunteered to work on it til I couldn't any more. That was rough. The acid in the onion hurt so bad I may have started to cry. But it was a little funny I suppose. Just how bad it was.
-Shoot a basket into the trash can in the yard from the upper deck. Every time you miss, your whole team has to run down the stairs, tag the trash can, and run back up.
-Drop three marshmallows consecutively into someone's mouth off of the upper deck.
-Get your whole team over a 3 1/2 ft high rope with out touching it at all. If anyone touches at any point, you have to start over.
-Read Song of Solomon passages out loud for everyone to hear.
-Build a spaghetti tower 18in tall with a marshmallow on top.
I think that's it. I can't remember if there was anything more. It might not sound that intense, but I'm still feeling it in my lower abs just a little. We went at this Amazing Race/Surivor challenge thing for 3 1/2 hours before a team finally finished and the rest of us bowed out with grace.
Those things are great for revealing people's character. You see how they treat their teammates under the stress of time pressure. You see if people will push their whole team to be the fastest or if they'll hang back with the ones who don't have the same capacities of others.
You see if people jump over the rope first themselves because they can, or if they are focused on getting their team over the rope. You see if they push eachother through the push ups or volunteer to do extra for some of their team mates.
You see how they treat the other teams with smack talk or encouragement. You see how they encourage eachother or just push to go faster.
You see if they want to win or if they just want to see their team get through it. I love that. I love seeing how a body of believers takes on physical and emotionally exhausting situations and brings in buckets of grace to wash over the situation.
Concession starts next weekend. 8 hours on your feet with drunk customers, half time slams, and the need for extrem caution as every cup, tray, hotdog, and lid must be counted and accounted for by the end of the game or risk getting charged. Extreme caution and extreme pressure for quick service makes for a very intense bonding experience for the Salt Company leaders. I'm ready. I'm excited.
It's just been a difficult week, emotionally. My transmission has gotten worse (if that were possible). Besides the fact that it can't go more than 35 mph. It randomly drops into neutral at the most inconvenient times like at the bottom of a big hill in heavy traffic. I can't do anything if my car dies in the middle of traffic. I've had this happen so many times to me before. It's never easier or less stressful. It's awful every time. So as the start of school approaches, the wonder after how I shall make it to class and such adds just a little more tension to my life.
*sigh* Life. And cars. I hate vehicle problems with all my heart and soul and mind. I hate the helplessness of being stuck in traffic with a car that won't go and smoke pouring out of the engine. I hate that my van can't go more than 35 mph and so it would take me 10 hrs to drive home and swap out for a new one.
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