My Summery of Adventures

I do not have a smart phone or an iphone or anything fancy pants like that. My phone, i've heard, is called a dumb phone. I doesn't do much more than provide me with an ability to text or call and take a few pictures. But! Who needs a phone that does more than that? 

My wonderful little phone camera has been present for some of my favorite summer adventures and since I have come into possession of an SD adapter, I am now bring the stories of adventures to computer, phone and tablet screens near you! My summery of summer in picture form! Here now!


~June '13 ~

Gross cousins stop in Iowa City as part of their grand adventurous out West!! 

 These gorgeous girls were in my living room!!! waaaa!! During this stop, they met my friend, Brooks. This was especially wonderful because their choice of entertainment in their hotel room the previous night had been a show called Breaking Amish which led them to ask the most wonderfullest of questions and it was rather entertaining to listen to the conversation. Brooks eventually took them to an Amish family and had them ask their questions there instead. 

 What's an adventure without a sketchy van in a sketchy ramp? Well.. I mean.. it's just a good idea to check it out closer up. 

 I got to show them a little of my life in Iowa City and they got the grand tour of the Old Capitol. "This would be a great spot for a date" was stated several times, I think. 

 This summer was one with the most early mornings I've ever had ever. Not even school will usually find me out of bed by 5:15am, but more often than not, I'd be most my way to work as the sun began to rise. 

 Of course, just because you've seen the sunrise doesn't mean it's okay to be awake. One day I arrived at work to find that my 6 year old had set up my favorite chair with a pillow and one of her blankets so I could sleep whilst waiting for them to wake up. Awwwww.

Okay so one day at work, I came across the most AMAZING POP UP BOOK EVER!!!!!!! Hello, the LIGHT SABERS LIT UP WHEN THEY POPPED UP!!!!!!!! I was really amused by this for at least 32 minutes. 

 Besides the 6 year old putting 50 bows and clips in my hair my first day of work and then threatening to cut them out with a scissors when they got stuck, when the kids ran out of paper I was used as their drawing sheet. At least they wrote nice things.. 

I love bubbles. I had some really fun days at work. 

 When I went home for a bit we got to help mom with groceries. Rather than walk them through the porch, south living room, yellow room, and back hallway to the kitchen, we used the 10 of us "children" who were home and assembly-line styled the groceries to the kitchen. We were laughing hysterically and it was a lot of fun. 

 Every time I went home I got breakfast in bed. The week I went home to be with my cousins I got to sleep in Kit's room on the 3rd floor and it has THE BEST VIEW when you wake up! My little brothers were super sweet, too, because they even made me coffee with my eggs. I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH!!!!

Goodbyes are always hard for our family... This was not posed, this was real life. Kit had to leave us for a man camp thing. Sad day. 

One of my favorite nights ALL SUMMER! I laughed so hard I got the hiccups. So.. As you can see in the top picture, Ken is handing Carissa a cat. What actually happened was that Ken had captured the cat successfully. He had captured it upside down and continued to hold it upside down and he rocked it like it was a baby. He then passed it off to Carissa and it proceeded to poop on her and then run away. 
The owner's mom in her most sympathetic voice said, "Awww... you squeeshed him too much"

Carissa then spent 20 minutes wetting and soaping her hair and her shirt and then lifting her hair up to her nose and exclaiming "I still smell it! It's still in my hair!" all the while we all kept laughing and laughing. After a bit she realized she had poop on her wrist and that's why she kept smelling it when she lifted her hair to her nose. Heeeheeehee. BEST.NIGHT.EVER. 

Baby kitties also make my heart really happy. The friend with the cat that was "Sqeeshed" too much had kittens that we loved to cuddle. 

 Idk why this picture is SO BLURRRRRYYYYY... but, my sister got a new puppy this summer named Aurora, or Rorry for short. SO CUTE!!!! I like da puppy. 

 Monopoly!!! I was winning! Mwahahaha! The best kind of jobs are the ones where you are payed to play monopoly. Which I did for 3 days in a row. I had all the best ones with hotels all up in everything. My kid was badly bankrupt and I would let him do things like wash dishes, clean the kitchen, fold laundry, etc to be payed by the $500s. Which was a win win win situation for me because the house got clean and the kid had more $$ to pay me with when he landed on my properties.. which was all the time. Eventually I had to let him lose. What a fun game. 

One night after work I got invited to supper with some friends and was told I'd be picked up. I must say, the night was gorgeous, the company was great and the ride was fantastic. I LOVE THESE GIRLS! I've known them since my very first connection group with Salt. They're so great. 

I made a lot of bracelets this summer. This was my first. They tended to get more complicated and intricate and colorful as the summer went on. So fun! I love art things. Art makes me happy. 

One time I drove home into the sunset (well a couple times) and all I could think was, "And she lived happily ever after." Not in a dark sense thinking I was about to die, but only that at that moment I was perfectly happy and knew I was driving towards more and more happiness and joy.  

~July '13~

 For the 4th of July I painted my nails so as to be a little bit patriotic. I haven't done a ton of nail art since high school, but I'm pleased that I haven't lost the feel for it all together. I love nail art. It's some of my favorite. 

This was another time I drove home into the sunset. It was so beautiful. Sometimes I think the Lord does those sorts of things just for me specially. I feel so loved. I feel loved by sunsets and nature. The Lord loves me. 

Communication on the 4th is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing. Pow wows and phone number exchanges are good to keep moms happy. 

 Sometimes we have to pack ourselves like sardines into the van so we all fit. (Not to worry, we are pros at this). We've been doing it since, well, forever. One time over the 4th,  11 of us were traveling in a van and a car to South Dakota to visit my brother and grandparents. The car broke down half way there and so all 11 of us, plus our suitcases and baggage, AND A GIANT VASE OF LILIES, all packed ourselves into the 7 passenger van. 

 We were able to secure what seemed like THE PERFECT place for fire work watching and settled ourselves down whilst waiting for it to grow dark and the show to start. When it got dark we realized we'd parked ourselves right under a street light. So... apart from having a spot in my vision for a while after the fire works were over, it was lovely. 

 Brooksy Bear though it necessary that he have 3 blankets for his firework watching experience. 

 Cuddling is a given in our family for everything. 

 They worked on roof tearing upping for a while too. What men. 

What is summer with out a trip or two down the river??? We did this. I LOVED IT!!

 One evening after connection group, we rolled piggies. I don't know how else to explain this game other than you shake the pigs and roll them like dice.

I spent most of my summer in pet land petting puppies. Besides the ones that peed on me, I really enjoyed this a lot. 

 There was a day my children dressed as cows and got free meals from Chic-fil-a. So fun!

This was the evening from my Joy in Chaos post. I painted the top picture and the other pictures are of Amanda and Nikki respectively. I love them so much!! SUCH great friends. At about 10pm on this night we decided to drive to Kalona for an adventure. 

On our drive down to Kalona we heard an Amber Alert for a kidnapped girl and it was frightening enough. Being a little shaken by that, we decided to read bible passages and listen to uplifting Jesus music to bring peace back into our hearts after hearing that. Upon arriving at the house where we were told we'd be meeting some men who would escort us out to the bonfire location, we noticed that all the lights were off. We got out of the car and we all kind of looked around a little skeptical. 

Amanda-"Are you sure this is the right place, Fern?"

Fern-"yes. Brooks just said there would be people here to greet us."

Nikki and I walked toward the house not really sure what we were getting into and slightly frightened at the dark. 

Nikki-"I don't know about this. I don't want to run into kidnappers :( "

At that moment, my friend Shawn jumped out from behind a vehicle yelling "KIDNAPPERS!!! AHHHH!!!" And he had a very large gun in his hand. We all screamed bloody murder and our heart rates increased exponentially. Poor Nikki. I turned around at that point only to see she had already sprinted the 50ft back to the car.  

I'm not sure if there were any apologies offered. I think, perhaps, there was. After all, they tend to be gentlemen. But at the same time. I doubt if they were sincere apologies as the amount pleasure that showed in the laughter that came from the three of them seemed far more legitimate. 

I can't say that I didn't find it quite thrilling, though. That whole night was my favorite night of the whole entire summer. And I like being able to say we were jumped by men with guns. That just adds to the adventure. Of course getting to say that we were then led into the woods for a little jont through stinging nettles and other such business as that is also a fun story to tell. Who gets to say that? Ah, my life is blessed. 

Kalona is beautiful. I LOVE Kalona. I have quite decided I shall spend all my retired years in my old maidenhood living peacefully on a quaint little patch of land in Kalona. It's glorious. I'm fairly certain God modeled after part of his heaven. Perhaps the part of His garden He wants to share with me most. I just feel loved by God when I drive down there because it is so incredibly beautiful. 

One day, we moved. I had stayed up til 12am packing the night before and was up at 5am getting ready for my friends who were to help me move. This day is one of the days I felt SOOOO loved by the Lord. It was a fun day!! So, I had guys show up as early as 8am and had guys with us even til 10pm. 
Talking was fun. Packing the people into the van amongst the furniture was fun. All of it was fun. I laughed so hard my sides ached and tears streamed down my face. I love my friends.  Plus, acts of service is one of my very top love languages so besides feeling loved by my friends, I just felt like is was Jesus. Jesus blessed me with the hands that made the job a lot less stressful and so I'm so very thankful for that. 

Oh man. The mud on my van. THAT is a story. So, I grew up in rural Iowa. We have two kinds of roads: Paved and dirt. 

Well, I mean, we call them "dirt" roads. I learned that there is a difference between dirt and gravel. I have always called every gravel road a dirt road. 

So, one day we were driving to Kalona. Amanda and me and a girl that we'd met in a coffee shop one time. (Poor girl just had to jump right in with our crazy adventures, what a champ). And Amanda's GPS said we had to take this certain road. We had passed it the first time and Amanda had me turn back around. As we approached I was like, "what?? Are you serious? This isn't a road, it's a field entrance!" Amanda insisted that the GPS said this is where we needed to turn. 
I was super hesitant and I asked, "You're sure? This looks sketchy?" She was quite sure. 

I looked at it and saw that it curved and wasn't just a dead end and since the GPS said this was the way, it had to be the way, right? OH my goodness gosh. Quick sand. That's what that road was made out of. 
It was a "dirt" road... at one point, i'm sure. It had rained that day and so what we'd actually gotten ourselves into was a mile long stretch of 6inch deep mud. As I got my whole van into and realized my van was slide ALL OVER THE PLACE we quickly realized that had been a poor decision. As it was, there was no stopping and no turning back otherwise we'd be stuck forever. Or.. at least until we called on some boys to rescue us. But, as we skidded and slid, we considered that it wouldn't probably be a willing rescue and probably not prompt, so we kept going. I was driving and at no faster than 5 to 10mph I had to turn my wheel all the way to the left and all the way to the right quite quickly as we fishtailed our way through this muddy field. Whether our new found friend from the coffee shop knew we were into Jesus or not, she found out quite quickly as I'd learned from previous Kalona adventures that praying outloud is always a good idea. I was praying, a lot. It was so stressful that I may or may not have shed a tear or two. EVENTUALLY, completely by the grace of God, we found ourselves on a gravel road. I've never been so thankful for gravel. We all burst out laughing as that had been one of the most ridiculous things we'd gotten into. What a mess. 

 The brotherhood came to town!!! YAY!! I loved this a lot. It ended up being a crazy weekend and I was blessed to have them their for that. 

 This girl!! She's hott stuff. I got to go to her dance recital one lovely summer's night. She's gorgeous. 

One night in Kalona, we went in the ditch. At 12am. I had worked 15 hours that day and was to be at work at 6am the following morning to work another 12.  We were backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, cuz our daddy taught us good. Well.. apparently not good enough. ( I wasn't driving). 

However!! There were some nice men that LIFTED the car up and eventually tugged the poor thing outta the ditch. What a night. We arrived home at 1am and I got 3 hours of sleep before returning to work. 

  

 Last weekend was a grand meteor shower!! I asked my kalona friends for a field and I was offered a cow field and a non-cow field. I accepted the non-cow field. However, we ended up in a cow field anyways. So, this one night in Kalona.. My sister and her roommate and another friend and I drove down to look at the stars. We were offered to feed a little baby cow and of course we all accepted. We were told to climb onto the 4-wheeler so we could go find the baby cow.Being there 4 of us girls plus Brooks (the owner of the baby cow), I was elected to be the hood ornament. This being my second time a 4 wheeler ever, I've decided that hood ornament is not as great as riding in an actual spot meant for riding as i got TWO moths/bugs in my eyes on account they're attracted to the headlights. 

It wasn't too bad tho. We fed the baby cow (which is what the picture is but you can't really tell) and then we fed the steers and then toured Brooks' house and then learned about his family and then learned about quilt making and then about the Amish and then about how his house was fused together... and eventually made it to the field where we were to watch the stars. What a great night! I loved it so much. 

One day at work I arrived at 8am and heard some banging and noises outside. I asked their father (who was still there at the time) what was going on and he explained to me that they had a chipmunk trapped in a rain gutter. :/ Oh joy. SO, for the next 3 1/2 hours they poked it with sticks and banged on the pipe to try to coax the thing out. (Poor thing.) Around 11:30am, the oldest one ran by telling me he had a brilliant idea. "What idea??" I asked. "I'm gonna get the HOSE!!" He replied. (Poor, poor chipmunk)
"I don't think that's a great idea. You've already caused him to go deaf and you've poked him with sticks all morning. Drowning him isn't very nice either." Never mind what I think about being nice to chipmunks, the hose was gotten and I was soon called outside to see it. As you can see, the water caused it to poke it's cute little head out of the storm gutter. Me and the three kiddos watched with awe and amazement at its cuteness as it slowly made it's way out. I took a picture, of course, because it was cute. Shortly after the picture was taken, the chipmunk exited the gutter with one final leap. YAY!!!!!
We cheered for a good three seconds before the dog ate it. Awww.. (poor poor POOR chipmunk). 

This is now. LAST NIGHT! Oh my goodness. Did I mention yet that the beauty of Kalona makes me feel loved by Jesus?? Well, it gets better. I have been WISSSSSSSHING and WANTING to go on a hay ride for five years now. FIVE. Yes five. Every year I have searched and hoped, but have not come across one at the right time. :( I just love them a lot and being in Iowa City the last several years has been quite difficult as my heart very much belongs in the country. I'm a farm girl. I'm a nature girl. I love corn fields and green grass and dirt and fire. 

So!! On Sunday my sister invited me along on a hayride she'd been invited to and had been told she could bring friends. My heart skipped a beat and than sunk quickly as I had already committed myself to babysitting for a church meeting Sunday night. *sigh* All my dreams. To wish for it FOREVER and have to turn it down. 

Have I told you that I have been blessed with the BESTEST kind of friends?? My best friend, who could have gone on the hayride as well, chose to give up the hayride and take my place baby sitting so that I could go instead. Whaaaaaaaa!!!!! Oh man! I looked forward to it all day and then it came and it was the most wonderfullest thing ever!!! 

I could write a book about last night alone. The people were welcoming and kind and loving and I felt so full of joy. I can't even begin to describe how loved I feel. I love the community there. It's like Rivendell. And I shall be like Bilbo and retire there in my old age and live amongst the Mennonite elves and be happy forever. 

Today was my last day of work. We side walk chalked for hours. Then my oldest child rolled in the chalk til he looked like a pink and blue smurf. I told him to hose down. And he hosed me down. It turned into a big water fight with everyone. I was fighting for the hose when their mom got home. Haha.. so there was the baby sister soaked head to toe, hosing down the three children and the neighbor girl who were all attacking at once. :) What a fun last night. I'm sure the adventures are far from over, but it was a good summer. I left a lot out. But every moment was wonderful. I have blessed. I am loved and I am blessed. 

The Mouth is Incriminating

James 3:8

but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear that if ever I had an obvious blemish of fault in my life, it's my mouth. I've never been one to do a ton of thinking before talking. I very much live in the moment and speak thoughts out loud before I think about what offense they could cause. Of course the moment following my moment of a quip or comment is usually one of regret and internally chewing myself out. (Those are the thoughts I'm typically better at keeping to myself.)

My mouth is what gets me in trouble more often than not and while I wish so badly I could go back in time and erase some things and prevent damage once words leave your mouth, they are gone forever. If only wishing made a difference. Obviously I can't go back. I can't change things already said. I can't remove the pain or anger my words could have caused and I can't simply apologize and hope it's all better. 

I can, however, learn and try harder....er...kinda. Ha... I can feel stupid about things I've said until the sun goes down but, if I've learned anything at all, it's that I don't learn. I've had a run-away mouth since I've started speaking, I feel.
I haven't always cared, obviously. I've been more concerned about my words, for other's sakes that is, in the last 5 years of my life, but that doesn't mean I've figured out how to not hurt people and not say stupid things. 

 Proverbs 10:19

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.

I think, too, this is one of the larger factors that plays into my insecurities of feeling like I am "too much" for people. I have grown up being the entertainer in the groups that have accepted me and I've quite loved to tell the tales of my adventures and say things that make people laugh. The part of trying to make people laugh is usually my downfall. Think before you talk. Well, part of making people laugh is being witty and quick on the come back. I suppose if their were a proverb about it, it'd probably say something like "Something thought out that makes someone smile is better than something quick that makes someone laugh... at another's expense." 

It's a tricky business, trying to manage one's mouth. It's a great window into someone's heart, that's for sure. Unfortunately for me, it means that everyone can tell from the outside that what's going on inside isn't so great. 

 Proverbs 15:2

The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

Bury all your everythings at the bottom of your heart if you wish and try not to let anyone know about your secret struggles or wounds but like a beach ball held under the surface of the water, it's gonna come bursting out in your attitude and in your words and how you treat people and people won't have to guess too blindly in the dark to figure out that you've got a little somethin' somethin' going on inside. 

Like my van transmission. I can't SEE any problem. No oils or odd liquids forming puddles in my parking space. No smell or smoke coming from under the hood. Nothing on the outside. But when I drive, the vehicle lurches and the engine races. No one else can SEE my transmission either. But when they're stuck behind me going 15mph because my gears won't shift, then I'm a hazard to their driving and they are affected by my problem. I could even be someone's roadblock. 

That's what scares me about my mouth. I don't want to be someone's roadblock. I don't want someone to be stuck behind me going way slow because of things I say or an example I set. 

  Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Really what has brought all this on is that in my wild and crazy live-for-the-moment summer, I've learned a thing or two about myself and I'm disappointed to say the least. 
While having to be AT work by 6am no longer raises concern on what time I should go to bed, even more disturbing than that is how I've foolishly chosen time with people over time with Jesus and in my running helter skelter all over Iowa, my mouth has run a bit farther than that. 

You reap what you sow and as summer comes to a close, I'm finding my harvest is not very appetizing. 

All I can think at this point is.. : Fail. 

And then *facepalm*

I know better. Goodness gracious. I probably had to write Eph 4:26 out 1,000 times before I graduated highschool. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth..." (I could type it all out from memory, but you wouldn't be impressed). The thing is, ONLY what is good for building people up according to their needs. That's the kinda stuff you're supposed to say. 

I wannnnt to build people up. I want to encourage people. I want to bring joy to their lives. But.. I don't naturally do that. And I certainly don't seem to be able to do that WELL even if the Lord is moving in my heart. It's hard not to be a little discouraged by myself. (I think I discourage myself more than anyone or thing else out there).  

Proverbs 15:4

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

I'm not writing this out of a pit. I'm just looking back down the hole I just crawled out of and am shaking me head. That's not to say my heart has changed in a major way and I'm all the sudden only speaking kindness and gentleness to everyone around me. I'm not. I'm just more aware of it I suppose. Disturbed really. Blah. 

It's a hard sort of business having friends and a tongue at the same time. I like to protect my friends and not see them hurt or discouraged or any thing of that sort. However, I exist. And I talk. Therefore my friends are not safe from being hurt or discouraged.  

I also wish I could be the one to pull out whatever daggers were unintentionally thrust into someone's heart but, only the Lord has that kind of power.  

It's definitely a moment of humility and surrender as no man can tame the tongue and if it can be tamed any bit at all it can only be tamed by the Heavenly Father who made it. 

When Upon Life's Billows

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, 
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your blessings name them one by one
And it will surprise what the Lord has done

I made it. I made it through the week and went to bed @ 8pm Friday night and slept peacefully til 9 this  morning. Perhaps too peacefully, in fact. Apparently maintenance came in whilst I was sleeping and added insulation to the wall around the bathtub in the room next door to mine. 

I'm home alone this weekend and thus I'm slightly disconcerted that people are able to enter my home and do constructiony things and slip out without me noticing. I needed the rest, though, and am quite blessed to have received it. 

Yesterday I got the final update from my mechanic on my poor van. The transmission is indeed shot and the cost of fixing it would be anywhere from $2000-$4500. Ha.. the van is not worth that much, nor did I work as many hours as I did this summer only to see it down the drain in an instant. 

It can, however, still drive. No faster than 35mph, but it can get from point A to point B. I'll have to settle for that, I suppose. Most of my existing is in town anyways and as long as I never wish to leave Iowa City, I'll survive. It was quite the disappointing news, though, which may or may not have caused a tear or two. Oh the helplessness of independence. Some days I hate life. 

In the meantime, I have THEE coolest sister in the world who happens to drive a motorcycle. She has kindly let me borrow her car whilst mine was in the shop and has been using her bike to travel to work and such. I am too blessed. 

As I mentioned previously, last week with the family was absolutely delightful! We are a close sort of family. Here are some pictures to show it. 

 This is normal. We're a cuddly sort of family. The more the merrier. As long as no one is suffocating, we are quite content to be piled and stacked as many as possible. I'm pretty sure this couch has to be one of the best ever made as we have been people stacking on it for lots of years. 

 If only it wasn't blurry. This is just showing how absolutely wonderful family is. I helped play the keyboard for our family worship sessions in the mornings and was privileged to look out at a room full brothers and sisters in Christ that double as cousins and aunts and uncles. 

There's not many things better than sitting your whole family around lots of tables and talking about Jesus and praying and encouraging. I hope we do this in heaven.

We take turns leading sessions and sharing what the Lord has been teaching us. One of the sessions was lead by my cousin, Sherlin, who has much more wisdom and knowledge than her 20 years of life would normally have. She led a session on church history with wonderful explanations and facts. 

------------

And just like that the weekend is gone. I've learned that I'm rather trained on no more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night so "catching up" on sleep isn't always possible.

Back to Monday again. One of the kids just walked by fully clad in winter attire, boots and snow pants included, as they "need protection" on account they've chased a poor chipmunk up the rain gutter and they're afraid that their poking it with sticks and banging on the pipe will cause it to want to bite them when it finally comes out. They've been at it for an hour now. At some point I'll intervene. I already stopped the dismantling of the pipe. 

One more week. 

I dearly love this job. I've learned more than I could have possibly imagined that I needed and I've been grown and stretched in so many ways. I'm exhausted though. 

This may sound funny, but I've learned a lot about being satisfied with singleness as a result. 

I think when my desires to be settled and to be a wife and mother stir up disatisfaction within my heart, it's mostly a result of failing to be thankful for all that I have been blessed with currently. As it is, I've quite learned that I am no where near spiritually mature enough to be a good parent. I'm not selfless enough to make my whole life revolve around children. 
In the same way, I'm now incredibly thankful that I can spur of the moment take off with friends, stay out til crazy hours of the morning and not come home at all on some nights if I don't wish it. I'm thankful that I have the freedom to just have people over for dinner and host game nights and fun times with only a few hours notice. I'm thankful I don't always have to be the referee and jump in the middle of physical fights or arguments.
I'm thankful that I don't always have to be around people who question everything I say or make me feel bad for trying to do what's best.

I'm thankful for the grace that abounds. More than anything, I'm thankful for grace. I'm probably the farthest thing from perfect and it seems I find out another way my life shows that everyday.

I've learned about pure power of scripture. The promise that the Word never returns void is what I've learned to cling to as nothing I say will really ever amount to anything or be understood or even have an impact unless it's soaked in scripture and is truth in the rawest form. 

I've learned a lot about myself outside of work too. More of my imperfections and more of my faults and short-comings. Being around friends brings a lot of that to light. I hate that, but I guess iron sharpens iron.
Or at least it's supposed to. Only if you're doing it right and not just jousting with each other, railing on each other in the name of honesty. That accomplishes nothing more than damage and discouragement. 

You'll Sleep When You're Dead

Perhaps I am a little pathetic, but it's 10:15pm and I'm hoping to be sleeping soundly soon. I've had to be at work at 6:30am all week which is a quite the challenge whilst still catching up on sleep from last week. 

I appreciate the many prayers that have come my way. The Lord has been incredibly faithful. My sister is lending me her car whilst my poor van gets fixed and my work schedule  doesn't require much children transporting this week. I suppose I'll have to work something out for piano lessons tomorrow :/.

I'm 

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The above was drafted shortly before falling asleep last night. Originally I'd planned to go to bed at 6pm. Although I did get as far as tucking myself under the covers and shutting my eyes, I was soon awakened by a lovely call from my sister saying we could borrow her pool and eat her chocolates whilst she was gone for churchy things. Not being ones to pass up an opportunity for adventure or relaxation, my roommate and I dressed and went and enjoyed a quiet evening being the only ones in the pool.

By 8:30 we were returned to our home and in our PJs and more ready for sleep than I had been at 6. However, my roommate was watching Pocahontas and I'd never seen it before and thus stayed awake til 10pm. Which was lovely, actually. My sister stopped in for tea and internet usage and it was quite a delight, even though she couldn't stay long.
Here I am again, 6something in the morning, with only today and tomorrow left before Saturday. Eee! I have no plans this weekend other than an epic morning of sleeping in on Saturday.

These last few mornings I've had some really great times talking to Jesus. Monday, as you know, was quite rough and I've been quite in need of the joy of the Lord this week and thus my time spent with Him has been pure delight.

I realized that I have quite a lot of things for which I am very thankful and only can attribute to the Lord and His faithfulness. Joy. I have much joy. This summer has been absolutely FULL of joy and friends and great memories and laughter until my sides have ached and tears streamed down my face.
I'm thankful that at this moment in my life, I'm not broken. I'm not in despair and I'm not in a pit.

I've been blessed by my family and my brothers and sisters in Christ. There have been so many interactions of encouragement this summer and I feel so very loved by God in all of them. The Lord loves me, that I know well.

I have been blessed by work.The other day whilst my exhaustion was starting to overtake me, one of my kids went and retrieved his pillow and his blanket and offered me to take a nap if I should like. He then volunteered himself for a nap on the other couch and soon after, all the childrens were resting quietly in the living room. While we were still settling in, I asked them, "you guys wanna hear a really cool story about God??" I was really excited because I'd gone over it that morning before they woke up. It was the story of Elijah and God speaking to him through a gentle whisper. They all enjoyed it so much and the story became so exciting that I ended up reading 8 or 9 chapters of the Bible to them. What a joy! I loved all of it.

I'm blessed that my trials of life in the last several months haven't been much more than hard unkind words and vehicle troubles. I think I have a fear of the future in that it was fall semester of last year that deepest of wounds were gouged into my heart and filled with lemon juice and salt. It's been 9 months now, but I think I'm still recovering. Yes, I do think I am whole, but I'm not about to willingly enter into a place where I may be broken again.

But the Lord is beautiful! That is, when you're not trying to control Him. He really is much like an untamed mountain or wild Lion. He is beautiful to see and gloriously protective and caring. But one must be careful. He cannot be capture or charmed or willed into anything He does not wish. He is like the ocean that churns and comes in and out as it pleases. Don't go against it. Alls that will get you is exhausted and ship wrecked. Alls you can do is go along with it and respect the power and strength in the waves without trying to hold back the tide.He is glorious. Beyond words and imagination. And He is wonderful. And BEST of all, I belong to Him and I belong perfectly in His arms.

I Need Thee, Oh, I Need Thee

To say it is Monday would be an obvious statement, but such an intro has more meaning than the simple implication as to what day of the week it is. Most people like to start their week by hitting the ground running. Mine has thus far started by the ground hitting me. I'm not the only one either. 

As it is, I'm back to life as I took a whole week spent in the most glorious pocket of family and Jesus that anyone could ever wish to have. A week with no cell phone or internet or much concept of time. Just family and joy and laughter. No need for a vehicle or anything that might cause anxiety. Our only need for knowing the time was so that we didn't miss dinner altogether for our slap-Uno games that would carry on forever whilst hands turned red and fingers got jammed and caught on other's fingernails. 

Now it's back to schedules and responsibility and the normal things that come with all those things. 
In general, I don't typically experience a ton of anxiety. Not much things in my life come as a surprise any more.

Today,though, there happens to be an anxious cloud of worry enveloping my heart. My van's transmission has decided to act up and the lurching and engine racing that takes place when the gears try to shift doesn't much set my heart at ease. If only my job or my life did not require me to have a form of motor transportation. Being a nanny, there's not an option of not having a vehicle. I have to at least be able to show up and watch the kids, because that is my responsibility and that doesn't even account for the fact that I'm supposed to be driving them around town to swim lessons and other activities. I think this is where most of the anxiety plays in. I feel super helpless over the fact that I can't control if I'm with the kids and the van dies altogether. I worry about this. I've had many personal instances of being stranded on the side of the road or dead in an intersection with a smoking engine or disconnected fuel pump.

Being the only one to worry about is a lot different than having a van full of kids. It hasn't happened yet. I haven't asked them to get into my van to drive them to swim practice, but in a few hours I will, and I worry about what may happen.

I shouldn't worry. I heard on the radio whilst driving home yesterday that worry is a temporary case of atheism.  Which seems to be true, for the most part. I feel like my stress is more over thinking that God will not sustain my vehicle to last until it's appointment with the mechanic Wednesday morning. I mean, this morning, I was praying with everything I had just to get it as far as a store for transmission fluid and then to work after that. I made it. 30 minutes late, of course, but I made it.

I've had a song about worrying going through my head all day. It's really just a verse put to a tune that my roommate last year would sing on occasion. "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself." And I've been looking at verses on worry since that's the only thing I can do to work toward overcoming my current life struggles. I can't fix my van and I can't help the future, so alls I can do is listen to the Lord and welcome His peace into my anxious heart.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7

So I guess I'm asking the Lord for a bit of a miracle. I feel like i should know better than to stress about car stuff on account I've been through this a billion times already. I think it's harder for me being in Iowa City for this, though. I like it better when I can call my father or my brothers and they can come quickly to my rescue. I like it better when I can switch out my failed vehicle for another, or when my schedule better coincides with someone else's so I can at least carpool or borrow.

As it is, I'm sure the Lord has it this way for a reason. I wish I was better at trusting Him when things like this came along. Really I should relax about it and have a peaceful and accepting attitude that if something happens, than it happens and the Lord will be with me and sustain me wherever I go. That He will provide and protect. And mostly that He will care. I suppose this is my chance to learn such a lesson, I just wished it didn't come with such a weighted hold on my heart.

"the Peace of God will guard your heart"

So it's Monday. Car trouble, late for work, back to attitude adjusting after the kids had a week off from my house rules, it's a little cloudy and gloomy and the exhaustion of last week's travels and adventures still lingers.

If I've learned anything this summer, it's that I'm terribly inadequate. Having younger siblings does not qualify you to work with children and being patient with adults is not near enough patience for children.
Grace is truly an ocean but unless you dip your whole self  in the ocean rather than scooping it up in your hands, it's not enough. 



I need God everyday. EVERYday. Not just on Mondays. But today might count for a week. That's what I've learned.

Pray for me. If you think of it, I need it. In all humility, I covet your prayers. I'm most certain today will end in tears.