Happy July everyone! Having been out of class of a month and a half now and working with my nanny family for several weeks, I finally feel like I have a bit of a groove going. At least I think I do.
Yesterday, my 11 year old brought me a book while we were all hanging out asking me if I had read it before. It's called Kisses From Katie and it's about a girl whose heart for Uganda at the age of 18 lead her to leave everything behind and serve the people of Africa, even adopting 13 children of her own as a single 22 year old. When I informed my 11 year old that, no, I had not read it but I had heard of her, he informed me that it was a really good book and that I should.
I'm not much of a reader, but since he asked, I began to read it. It is really good and I hope to finish it soon.
The book is challenging to me in many ways. One of the ways being that half of why I am so hesitant to actually go overseas to wherever the Lord may call me is that I'm so emotionally dependent on my family and friends that I know that I would cry everyday if I did go. Katie writes of her own lonely tears and the difficulties of being away from home, but she still went and stayed and does big things.
Also, there's the part about rats and geckos and bats and other unpleasant things. I really struggle with those
In Nicaragua, there were several nights that some of my roommates felt the need to inform me, as I lay down on my mat for the night, that, they had just seen a gecko or multiple geckos right about where my head was going to be.Yuck. Of course, every time, I envisioned the scene from the Lindsey Lohan version of The Parent Trap the part where the lizard crawls into the mouth of the father's girlfriend. We all prayed the geckos would stay out of our mouths while we slept.
But in the book that Katie wrote of her experience in Uganda (she still lives there as far as I know) she doesn't seem to mind the lizard in her toaster or the rat in her bathroom. I think I need to let the Lord change that about me as well. But I'm afraid, because I know that the best way for the Lord to change that is to put me into the situation and just make me be okay with it.
I finish school in 5 months from now. I want to go on an adventure. An adventure with Jesus where my heart is to be made more like His.
Also, I'm learning about patient (I've said this.) It's a part about God I really don't know anything about, I'm realizing.
I really try to be patient with my kids. I'm much better at this after spending time with Jesus, but it's still so tricky. The big thing is that I try to be really patient and give a lot of grace, but that doesn't work when we have to get to swimming lessons or piano lessons by a certain time and they're dragging their feet. If I'm as patient as they are slow about getting ready, than we'd be super late to all the activities that they're supposed to attend.
Yesterday this happened when I gave them a 20 minute warning to go to swim practice and in the last minute one of them decided that they didn't want to bring their swim bag and took their time finding a new towel and then decided they needed to stop off for a snack in the kitchen. (This is the part where I'm usually praying through clenched teeth and thinking, "are you kidding me??"). Of course it also the part where I'm like, "What other option do I have, Lord? If was any more patient we'd be late or miss their activities."
So I was thinking through that as we were driving to their swim practice, "What would the Lord do?"
I'm not even sure I've come to a conclusion, but maybe it is that the Lord is so patient that we do our appointments and activities that we could have enjoyed had we not dragged our feet in getting there. Maybe it is that the dragging of our feet has caused us to be late for a lot of things and we only get to enjoy small portions of grander things. It makes me wonder how many things I've missed or am missing..on account I seem to be dragging my feet in doing missions overseas. Not that I think I have to go overseas to do missions, I just think the Lord would like do big things in my heart overseas. I don't even know where, but I've kinda felt like I should go overseas for a while and stay for a while.
It's hard for me to find the balance of being as patient and loving as Jesus and being a good baby sitter getting the kids to their appointments on time. I fail at being like Jesus everyday.
Food for thought I guess.
Apart from my daily battle in learning to see what the Lord is doing in my heart, everything is going well. Too well. Or just perfect, maybe. I was talking to my best friend about this the other day. Just the fact that I'm coasting and not really sure what to do with it. She reminded me that I need to be content with the fact that I'm not going through a trial or so difficult thing. It doesn't make sense that when I'm in a trial I would be discontent about because it was too hard or too much. Likewise it doesn't make sense that when I'm not in a trial I'd be saying that it wasn't enough. How funny. The two things that I claim of myself when I'm insecure, (being too much or not enough) are the two things I'm unhappy about in my spiritual life.
Honestly, I am thankful for the time of rest that I am in right now. I'm still so amazed that it's coming up on a year almost exactly since my life was "wrecked" and "fell apart" in the most painful way. But also the best way. I find something new to be thankful about it everyday it seems. However, I wouldn't want to wish my fall semester last year on my greatest of enemies. That's one dark valley I hope is forever in my past.
I'm in a good place now. I have a good job, amazing friends, and soon will headed home for my families favorite holiday. I will get to climb into a sailboat and sail the lake with my best friends and sailing buddies (My siblings). We will snuggle together on our Raggedy Anne blankets spread across the basketball court as we watch the fire works over the lake. We'll all hold hands as my mom insists we need a buddy so we don't get lost, even though her first 7 children are older than 18. And it will be home and it will be great.
I love that. I love home. I love the 4th. I think it's our biggest holiday, next to Christmas of course.
I've been dying for a good bonfire lately, too, so I'm excited!
Happy 4th of July everyone!
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