Love on the Battle field

"Back to reality." That's what I say every time I return to Iowa City after some weekend away doing wonderful things. As soon as I exit onto Dubuque Street and start driving past familiar things like the Mayflower dorm or the Iowa River I think, "Sigh... back to real life." 

I hate it. I love my moments away. I won't be "home" in Iowa City a single weekend in March and I'm very okay with that. Even now I'm excited just to think that I'm leaving the country in a couple days. I have no idea what to expect, but I will be away from Iowa City and for a few days I will be able to forget about..life, I guess. My life is not miserable, it's just..exhaustive. When I come back to Iowa City I just think about school and assignments and exams. I think of stress. I think of all the dark valleys I've walked through since being here. I think of the spiritual darkness that surrounds this city. 

But maybe I have it backwards. Maybe I hate "Reality" because it's not reality to me. I love my moments with Jesus because they are so peaceful and refreshing. Because for a moment I am free from thinking on the troubles of this world and the weight on my shoulders is lifted. I live for those moments. 

I think the reality in Iowa City that I dread so much is the war that wages strong every day. It's a battle ground where we who have been stationed here get wounded and struck down. We are tested in every way, pressed on all sides, all the while tip-toeing around land mines of discouragement that create crater-like pits that we fall into after they go off, leaving us wounded and stuck. When we are rescued out, we have to pick up where we left off and keep up the fight. And we get exhausted. When we feel like we can't do it any more, an agent of darkness dressed as light named Apathy opens its home to us and offers us a place to "rest" and not fight any more, whilst we are unaware of how the door is actually on its side and leads to a different hole that can leave us trapped and restless for longer than we even realize. 

I went on a retreat this weekend to Des Moines. I was looking forward to it, but I wasn't excited. As a leader, I attended a meeting with other student leaders before the first session and the speaker asked us how we were doing coming into the retreat. So many people yelled out, "PUMPED!" "STOKED" "SO EXCITED" in response that I think my quiet little, "Exhausted and worn out" was lost in all of that. Honestly, my heart was simply tired. 

As worship started, there was a part where just the drums were playing and it sounded a little bit like the sound of those revolutionary war movies where the drums are played as the soldiers line up for battle. And then the Lord gave me a great picture as my eyes were shut. I saw myself as a warrior wounded and weary trudging along a path to a Great City whilst a war waged on around me. The City being heaven where people who step into eternity are welcomed to not fight anymore. I wanted to be there but it wasn't my time. And so, whilst I trudged and the drums continued, the King of the Great City rode out to meet me, fully dressed for battle Himself. And then He took His place fighting next to me and fended off what I had not the strength to fight. And then on the battle field there was a tent for wounded soldiers and my King pulled back the flap on the tent and said, "Come in and rest a bit, Fern. Take a break while I fight for you." And that was how the Lord welcomed me to this retreat. 

It was so wonderful. I honestly just felt loved. I told the lord that during worship I wanted to feel either brokenness or joy but just not complacency because I wanted to feel the Lord work. But there were times when I felt nothing and this made me sad. But the Lord reminded me that I was resting and that I was emotionally exhausted enough already. I needed that. It was good to just sit and listen to people worshiping and not feel guilty for not feeling it. I felt the Lord ministering to me even though it wasn't in the form of emotion or experience. I knew He was at work in my heart. And when I realized all this, I was able to worship because I wanted to and not because I felt like it.

I think in all reality, our physical lives...school, relationships, life...those things are the distractors from reality. I think reality is the spiritual battle that we catch a glimpse of every now and then but will never fully see until we take the step into the Great City and put down our weapons for the last time, never to pick them up again. One day we will not be wounded anymore. One day we will not be discouraged ever again. One day we will no longer be a target to arrows and daggers and swords that come at us in the form or sharp words and rejection and lost hopes. One day the King will come on His great White Horse and end the battle for good. In the meantime, we fight little battles here and there. 



Battles in the forms of struggling relationships, stressful school assignments, future hopes, present discouragements and a host of other things. We no sooner finish one battle than we turn around to fight the next one. And sometimes it seems like we've been taken down, wounded in the legs and curled up in a fetal position on the battle field when the enemy kicks us anyways. We question why we must be hurt on top of hurt when it's obvious we can't go any further any ways. We question where the Lord has gone or if He is so caught up in another battle that He doesn't see that we've fallen and can't take another step whilst our wounds are throbbing and possibly become infected. 

My little brother, Kolby's, favorite line from the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" is. "oooh! Love on the battlefield!" Which he says all the time about anything, whether it makes sense or not. That line actually has a lot of truth to it. There is a Love on the battlefield and it's sometimes hard to see.  What we don't realize is that our helmets have fallen over our eyes and we just can't see how the Lord is still fighting off everything still trying to attack us, protecting our crippled bodies whilst His best doctor and healing Holy Spirit begins to tend to our wounds. 

So here's my thing... I think we all need to realize just how serious the war is. Think about it, when someone really hurts you, you can honestly put your hand on your heart and catch your breath and think, "Whew.. ouch." How is that possible? It's because there is a very REAL enemy with REAL flaming arrows that REALLY pierce your heart with what ever nasty evil thing he can manage to get through to you. 

So be on your guard. Be vigilant. Be ready. 

Being apathetic is a dangerous hole to climb into. It's not a safety trench, it's a trap. 

Fight for your friends. We see our friends go down all the time. They get slashed, they get wounded. Speak truth to them. It's a soothing creme that brings healing to the wounds. 

Don't attack Christ when you get wounded. Just because He's the closest one to you when you get hit, it doesn't mean that He was the one who did it. He was just the one to catch you as you went down. 

Don't think you can fight this alone. Seriously, there's like.. way too many battles for you to think you can take them all on. First of all, Christ is gonna fight next to you whether you welcome Him or not. 

Don't underestimate your power to fight. Wanna know something AMAZING??
"One of you routs a thousand, because the LORD your God fights for you, just as He promised"~Joshua 23:10 *Mind blown*

Basically, no matter where you are, exhausted or not, the Lord is fighting for you and you are to be encouraged by that. Keep it up! I'll see you on the other side.