Blessed Assurance

1. "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood."

I was blessed to have been raised in a church that sang hymns. Whilst now they are not as commonly known, there is so much truth in the lyrics that were written however many hundreds of years ago. 

I'll be honest, one of my greatest weaknesses as a believer is struggling with what I am worth to others which often translates to me questioning my worth to Christ. Not necessarily my worth IN Christ.. I mean I know that God went through great lengths to rescue me and call me His. But my worth TO others, like, how much of a difference I'm making, how much am I needed, how successful I am at seeing other's needs met?
I mean, I LOVE serving. It's one of my top love languages. But I have often come to a place of feeling like I am not needed and that my efforts are failing to make a difference and that my life isn't really all that impactful either. These thoughts seemed to be justified every time I have experienced rejection and have sent me into some pretty fantastic questionings of what on earth God was thinking when He chose to give me a passion for serving and loving others when people don't always receive that well. 
Of course He is always quick to catch me mid-question and remind me that He made me and has plans for me and that He loves me more than I could possible imagine. 

1. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
2. Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
3. Angels, descending, bring from above
4. Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
5. 
   
6. Occasionally, my precious Savior gives me a small glimpse of what He is doing in my life and WITH my life. As a Senior in college, you'd think I'd have a semi-solid plan for my future in mind... I don't. I have no clue what I'm going to do with myself..or what God wants me to do with myself or what God wants to do WITH me. You see, I want to be used. I don't really want to settle into some comfy life of luxury where I go to work everyday, attend church on Sundays and what ever else not that comes with that. I want to serve. I want to be used in some way. I want to be needed and depended on. I want my life to bless others. I want to be a blessing.  
7. The funny thing about that is, as a believer, you have to learn to not care about what other's think about you and care only what your heavenly Father thinks. I struggle with that because words of affirmation are my top love language and so I much like to hear people tell me good things about me. And thus, when I hear people tell me not good things about me, I perceive it as unlove. Dislike. Indifference. Hate.Etc.  I have often felt that even if 99 out of 100 people liked me, but one person hated me, that I had failed.  Of course the first question is, "What is wrong with me?" That's probably my most asked question of myself. 
8. But here's what I'm learning, it doesn't matter. Jesus is often whispering into my little vein heart, "They hated me too. First, in fact." And while I might try to come up with some sort of clever argument that would show that my situation is more desperate, He always wins.. of course. Even his closest friends bailed on him when he needed them most. 
9. 
   
10. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
11. I in my Savior am happy and blest,
12. Watching and waiting, looking above,
13. Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
14. So, last semester, I decided to try a little experiment in my classes. Be myself and let God be my life.I would be transparent in and out of class. I would be honest in how I felt and wouldn't pretend to have it all together if i didn't.  I was going to love Jesus with everything I had and I wasn't going to care if people found it offensive. More than that, I was going to make friends with everyone I sat by. Or at least.. I was going to reach out a friendly hand, introduce myself, and ask how their day was going. And above all, I wasn't going to care if they thought I was weird. Jesus was my life, so if they asked me a question and the answer was "Jesus" then that's what they were going to hear. Of course I seemed to always be sitting by someone new for the first several weeks in some of my classes. The responses I got varied, most were pleasant, some were cold. By the end of the semester, I had made 5 or 6 new friends, and I shared my testimony 3 or 4 times (even with one professor). While all that was going on, my life was falling apart around me. Of course, in my resolution to be transparent, all those closest to me had seen more tears and heard more of my heart's sorrows than I've ever dared to share before. But as a result I found myself surrounded by an army of prayer warriors, constant voices of encouragement, and people who pointed me to the Truth more often than I knew I needed. Even my classmate friends showed care and gentleness and offered encouragement when things weren't going well. 
15. This is my story, this is my song,
    Praising my Savior all the day long;
    This is my story, this is my song,
    Praising my Savior all the day long.
    
    
    I followed God. I did what He asked of me. And when I gladly drove home and put the past behind me, I wondered, "what was that for?" "What kind of example is that?" I didn't feel like I had much to show for the 4 months that I had been surrendering to Christ other than the works he had done in my own heart. Let me explain, I like to feel needed. I like to BE needed. I like to serve and help and...fix things. I like to build up those who have been torn down, I like to be a friend to those who need friends. But, it seemed that for 4 months, I had been dependent on everyone I had met. I coveted prayer from anyone who would offer, I sought Truth from anyone who seemed to know it, I asked advice from anyone who seemed to have some...I needed people. So in my own little mind whilst driving home i thought, "Well gee, how will anyone ever know to ask me for anything when alls they saw was me asking for things from others?" 
    
    
    Last night as I was falling asleep, I found this little message in my inbox from one of my non-believing classmates:
    
    
    "Hey Lady! I hope you are having a great break! I could use a bit of help and knew you were just the person to ask. I was wondering if you knew any verses or chapters to help keep a person strong when they are scared...
    I seem to have hit a bit of of a bump in the road of life; and while I feel confident that it will all work out, a little encouragement might do a girl good.
     Could use a little extra prayer once in a while and a good word if you know what I mean. "
    
    
    
    
    Well praise the Lord! If nothing else, at least people can come to me and ask what verses to cling to when the valleys are so deep the sun can hardly peak over the next mountain to climb. 
    
    
    I like telling stories. I love captivating an audience and hearing them laugh at some ridiculous something that happened to me somehow. I like stories of heroic rescues and adventures and happy endings. I follow Jesus and that is an adventure. There are a fountain of stories that come from knowing him. He is my story. 
    
    
    "Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
    Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.