Walking on Water

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:7

My sweet community of friends and family keep asking me how I've been doing lately, given the difficult life circumstances I've found myself in. I keep telling them I'm fine. I've been joyful, actually. Beyond all explainable reason, I've been joyful and fine. That is, I'm fine when I look at God and see the hope that I have. I'm fine when I think about how loved I am and how every part of my life is already planned out and I need only to place my trust in the Heavenly Father. It's a miracle, really. I keep telling my friends how amazed I am that I don't feel destroyed or even broken. I feel loved is what I feel. 

Honestly, I feel like I'm a little bit on a mountain top with God. You know..when you're, like, happy and can't really explain it other than that you really love God and you feel like God really loves you and being sad doesn't even seem possible? I kinda feel that... when I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus that is. 

That's not to say that my heart doesn't hurt sometimes or even not at all. It does. In fact, when I first started drafting this and pulling thoughts and verses together (I actually put time into this blog) I was happy. I was fine. I felt no pain. Now, hours later when I actually sit down to write it, my heart is throbbing. While I've honestly been able to tell the friends and family who have been pouring out love onto me that I've been fine, I think I worry about the days to come when I won't be, but they won't think to care any more. And that is where the doubts creep in. 

When Jesus asked Peter to join him on the water, Peter was fine. It was the most insane and terrifying thing to do in a storm.. step out of the boat. I mean, seriously.. there was a storm going on. Even though Ben Franklin had yet to fly his kite with a key on the string, I'm sure people weren't completely stupid about lightning and water. Plus, I mean.. it's the sea. It's deep and there are things that eat people in it. And storms have big waves, right? Who's to say that even if you are standing on TOP of the water that a big wave isn't gonna come over top of you anyways? It's not like Jesus was standing on smooth as glass water tension... it was rough out there. And Peter trusted and took the steps out onto the water. 

But then, he looked around. He saw the waves, he saw the rain, the lightning, and he saw the darkness. He stopped looking at Jesus and began to fear. And then, he began to sink. Once I saw a cartoon where he was slowly sinking into the water like it was slow moving quick sand during which he had the time to say, "LORD! I'm siiiiiiinkiiiiing" and then casually Jesus was like, "Oh Peter, ye of little faith.." as he pulled him up. 
Somehow.. I don't buy it. I imagine that the surface tension broke and he went down. And the Bible says, "immediately Jesus stuck out his hand to rescue him." It was probably his reflex reaction that grabbed at Peter. You know, like when you start to drop something and somehow you develop Spider Man skills and catch the thing before it gets too far. Like when you don't even have to think about it.. you just snatch at whatever just fell off the counter or out of your hand or off of your desk. So, that's what Jesus did with Peter.. at least that's my speculation. And that's what Jesus does with me. When I look at Jesus, I'm fine. I can trust. I can live. I can breathe. I can have joy and feel loved and legitimately be happy and free. But when I look at my circumstance and situation and the storm around me, it hurts. I'm sad. I'm afraid. I sink.  Then.. Boom. Jesus pulls me up again. 

I feel so loved by God by how my heart has not been shredded to pieces. One of my friends said when she was praying over me that she was thankful that my heart was so full of Christ that it could not be broken. Sometimes you don't realize things until people say them to you.. or to God and you hear them. It's an amazing thing that it can be that way.. that God's love can guard your heart so well that even the most breaking of things can't break your heart. 
I am loved. People keep telling me I am and I know that full well. There is a man who fights for my heart everyday. He goes to war for me and he fights to the death. His death. For every lie that seeks to put an arrow in my heart, he fends it off with His mighty hands. For every knife that seeks to cut my heart to pieces, He stands in the way. I am guarded on every side. 

I am hard pressed on every side but not crushed. I am so well guarded that the harder I am pressed, the closer I come to Jesus. I am loved. The more things I go through, the more things I come to know about Him. He loves me enough to walk through the dark valley with me and not just wait for me on the other side. He loves me enough to carry me through the rivers so the waters do not sweep over my head. He is the fireman that comes out covered in ash and burns on his arms because he took off his fireproof coat and wrapped me in it before carrying me out of the burning house. He is my hero. And He is Jesus. My Jesus. I am His and He is mine. He sees me as precious and I know He treasures my heart. 

There is no reasonable explanation for my joy right now. But God is not reasonable. He does what doesn't make sense.. He loves the unloving and serves the ungrateful and rescues the unwanted. He is crazy. He doesn't wait for you.. He waits with you. He whispers his words of love in the ears of those who listen to those who speak unloving things. He sings over the broken ones who claim He's not there. He has set out to heal you before you know you're broken. He plans with great detail the ways he can show His love to us. He knows the plans He has. Plans to prosper His loved ones.. not to harm them. Plans to give them a hope and a future. He has those plans and He carries them out. 

He loves adventure. We hear about the adventures He goes on with His children and we say, "Sir, you offend reason." And then we see Him. He walks on water and in the crazy delightful idea of an adventure we say, "But I should like to offend it with you." And thus He invites us to step out onto the water. While in the midst of a storm, getting sea sick riding in a water logged boat, He invites us to take a break. Get out of the boat and trust God. 
If you're really brave, you can walk on water, even in a storm.