Hello, Dear Readers. I hope you are well today! And if not well, at least joyful, and I hope your health returns to you soon.
I know it was just two weeks ago that I last typed something out and shared it with you all, but I feel I've been away much longer. Today I dug out my old laptop, that I tucked away before leaving on my adventure to Florida. I'm not overly attached to my computer, of course. In fact, Id be most happy to get a new one...mine is now close to 6 years old and crashes on a regular basis (as you might recall from my traumatic paper writing experience last year). But I realized as I dusted it off today that 6 weeks is the longest I've been separated from it since I was just a child.. and by that I mean, since I began my college life as a 17yr old.
It was sitting in the lounge of the Quadrangle on this computer that birthed this blog in the first place and 90% of all my posts were affectionately given their words in the hours I spent with this dated machine. It was an odd sense of being 'home' to open it up today and have all my bookmarks where I wanted them and tabs I'd failed to shut down still open.
My manuscriptDraft1 is still open along with "How to write a book" google helps. In case I failed to mention it to you, I *AM* writing a book. With no real deadline or whatever yet, who knows when I'll finish? But, I'm 11 pages in and could easily make it to page 100 by the end of today... maybe I'll work on it?
Actually! I wrote a book while I was in Florida. Just a short little diddy about a traumatic babysitting experience. It managed to be 8 chapters of shock and horror, so the publication of such a book will probably not ever take place, but it was an encouragement for me to know that I CAN finish things if I push myself hard enough. I like starting projects, I'm not the best at follow through.
Which brings me to Valentines!! I have not forgot, Dear Reader, that tomorrow is February the 14th and I should be taking this time to blog about my relationships and thoughts on love and chocolates.
Actually, I have long sense put away the notion that Valentines Day is a romantical day. My heart broke the deepest on the Valentines I expected to be showered with romantical affections and came up empty than on the days I expected nothing and came up with a card from my grandma. My heart was made to be romanced by the Lord and He does a fine job of that every day.
Valentines is for expressing my love for all the humans I can manage by sending the most pathetic, badly put together hand-made-with-love cards of all times. And if, by receiving one of my friend-entines cards, my precious friends smile, I have succeeded and my heart will be the happiest. My cards will be late, of course. By thats okay. I'm not about being confined to one day of the year.
The Lord loves my heart, guys. He loves it SO well. I am an acts-of-service love language (as my primary) and it takes VERY LITTLE to make my heart feel loved to the bottom because the Lord's love takes up VERY MUCH space.
For example, water. Water is a love language of mine all on its own because I'm very bad at remembering to drink water. Which is terrible because I was born with a kidney that didn't work and I've grown up my whole life on the one functioning kidney The Lord blessed me with. Now, everyone who knows anything about kidneys would say, "Wow! You must drink a lot of water, right?"
No. I don't. I forget ALL THE TIME. And that's probably really not good because losing a kidney at this point in my life would be a really bad thing since I've only got one in the first place.
BUT! I have sweet friends who remember for me and will water me without me even saying anything. They just put a cup of water in my hand and my heart just dances! Or if I mention I'm thirsty and people I don't even know that well get me water, be still my heart. It makes me feel like the Lord Himself drew the bucket out of a deep well just for my little self.
Another thing that made my heart dance recently was when my friend, Shane, found me a Fern. I have, my whole life, been seeking a real live human named Fern to meet in person. I spend HOURS in cemeteries meeting the Ferns of the past and my heart has always sank when I read of a Fern in an obituary because it was a missed opportunity. I've honestly been hunting for YEARS. I've been trying to think through making trips across the country to track down the Ferns that people have casually mentioned existing. It's been on my official bucket list since I was 13yrs old (That's when I wrote it in ink) but it's been a longer time coming.
SO! Of all the exciting things, I had been looking forward to a potential Amish sleigh ride for DAYS (well weeks and years if you wanna get technical) and I was kind of sad when the weather was obviously too warm and the sleigh ride was canceled. HOWEVER, my friend told me to get myself to Kalona ASAP anyways without any further explanation. My friends and I scurried ourselves along and found ourselves waiting in our car in some parking lot on some corner in the little town. Shane showed up, hopped in the back seat (Because all three of us girls were in the front) and started giving directions. "I found a lady named Fern, and she lives close...wanna meet her??" I was in such a shock I couldn't even.
Where else but Kalona can you just show up on some strangers door step, completely speechless and overwhelmed because the Lord loves you so well you can't even talk and one of your BIGGEST LIFE LONG DREAMS IS COMING TRUE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?? Oh my goodness... there are no words. But Fern was as sweet and lovely as ever. She asked us to come in and sit down three times before the shock of having finally met my Fern allowed my brain to register words. There, the four of us sat on a couch across from her as she sweetly told of her life and how she grew up on a farm as a tomboy and loved the Lord and had many adventures. AND! ALSO HAD SHEEP. (ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO!). We almost had the same life... except she was an only child. But, be.still.my. heart.
I have the SWEETEST friends, guys. They love Jesus and Jesus loves me through them. And they make my heart want to love Jesus better. Fern's coffee table was covered with Christian books and an open Bible and her home was warm and welcoming and beautiful. I hope with all my heart that The Lord lets me grow into a woman like that. With a game of dominos ready to go on the little table in the corner and a willingness to welcome four young people into my home just because one of them showed up a few days earlier and asked if it was alright to bring people over to meet her. I need to retire into Kalona so that I live in a place where people DO just show up at your house. I love that!!
The Lord loves my heart through a lot of things. I realized while talking with my friend, Anne, that there is nothing we have endeavored to do that wasn't one of the most fulfilling, wonderfullest things ever. We keep a bucket list, as you know. And we pursue crossing things off of our lists. And when we do, we dont feel empty.. it's not like we accomplish our goal and are left feeling empty... usually our hearts are so filled we're just overwhelmed.
Like, friending an Amish and getting a ride in a buggy. We did that. And my heart still dances at the memory. But, we realized that it's because we've opened our hearts up to being loved by God that EVERYTHING we do tickles our hearts to the bottomest places. We built a snowman together this past Sunday and, honestly, my heart still just feels so loved. I feel loved at the opportunity. At the fact that I was out in the snow with some of my favorite people building a giant snowman and throwing snow at eachother and then drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie and talking about Jesus.
Because The Lord has promised to give us life, and life to the full, when we pursue Jesus, we find ourselves on SO MANY ADVENTURES. I can't explain it well, but the more we love Jesus, the more Jesus loves us, and the crazier our adventures become. And there's no holding us back. I don't think there is any idea we could come up with that you would tell us the Lord could not make happen.
The Lord is my Valentine and will ALWAYS be my Valentine. He makes my heart to feel SO loved. He LOVES MY HEART SO WELL. He just does.
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