Content.

In psychology, I learned all about the five stages of grief. 
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

If I admitted to having to grieve when I first moved here, than I would let you know that I've come to the acceptance part. 

My Denial and Isolation part took place in July when I spent a whole Sunday afternoon sitting in my closet crying, which ended when my sweet cousin Cara came in to cry with me.. which was better for my extroverted heart. 

I've quite accepted it, and am enjoying being here. It's kind of fun to play farm girl and home school mom and official assistant to North West Iowa's lead agricultural engineer and farm expert. 

We went to a dairy operation yesterday and the farmer asked how I came to know Kris. Was I job shadowing? Getting college credit? I told him that, officially, we met because I'm his daughter, but I'm here to learn more about the farm industry after having spent the last 5 years in a city. Afterall, that's more of what I do with myself now... Driving, yes. I do that. But my father has taken to introducing me as his assistant. Which I am. 

"She does all my paper work and keeps tracks of things for me" 

That means: I get to label the manure sample bottles, carry the informational packets around the farm visits, carry the sample bottle once they've been filled with the sludgy excrement, take samples to the lab, and make sure Dad brings along his planner, his folder box, his computers and something for the samples to set in for safe transportation. 

Most of my job is to stand there and look like I'm important. Although! I have learnt a thing or two about how to fix drainage problems in cattle lots, how to treat foaming pits, how to identify Northern Leaf Blite on corn fields, how to tell what stage of production the soy bean fields are in (Check the 4th node down from the top), what the DNR classifies as a man-made conveyance and how many parts per million of methane are permitted to be in the run off water so as not to have major fish kill. I could also tell you how much it costs per acre inch to pump your liquids out of your feed lots and how much liquid you could pump in an hour. 

I know that if Dad says, "we have a visit in Lyon County" that means that it will be at least a 2hour drive and I will probably drive at least 300 miles that day. 

I have a favorite place to buy coffee (Which is a 40minute drive from my house) and I've found a pumpkin patch about that far away as well. 

Besides that, I've come to be the chief engineer for our own cattle yards. Meeting with the siblings to design the next yard and then figuring out how to hold off the cows while we haul the cattle panel to the new location. I've worked out my muscles enough to lift the 50lb bag of feed over the fence (Which is over my head) and accurately pour it into the awaiting feed trough. 

I know that no yard I build will hold in the goats and I will be greeted with muddy hooves on my shirt and pants while lifting said feed bag over my head. (In case you didn't know, friendly goats aren't afraid to use you as a step up to reaching things up high). 

I know that I'm not strong enough for the big cow with horns and if I go into the pen, it will pin me against a wall and drive it's horns into my legs repeatedly. 

I also know that I HATE mosquitoes and they serve to make cattle yard building the most miserable experience one could ever have. 

And above all else, I've come to know more deeply how The Lord can make any task or activity adventurous and enjoyable. 

When I first started this job, I felt pretty worthless just to be driving around. Having come from jobs where my showing up was ABSOLUTELY imperative to waking up some days and finding my mother had taken Dad to the office and I was to find someway to be productive, I didn't always feel NEEDED.

But the Lord is really funny and as I traveled on weekends to visit friend, Sunday after Sunday, at different churches in different towns, I kept hearing sermons about how everything the Lord has us do has purpose and there is no such thing as a mundane task. Even if it isn't leading a Bible study or being a "Missionary"... everything anyone could possibly do is important because the Lord makes it that way. 

On top of that, humans, my friends and family, were constantly telling me that The Lord has me here because he needs me here. And I've quite come to realize the truth of that. 

In my days off from driving, I house-keep and I homeschool and I organize and cook and spend time with the Lord. I'm reading through and writing out Romans right now. The book has SO much truth in it. It's good for me to write it because I have to stop and realize everything that is being said. 

I've also been having really good conversations with a friend about how The Lord loves us in so many ways that we cannot comprehend how it could even be love at times. 

The Lord's love is too big for our hearts. That is why our hearts must be broken... to let it in more. 

I am loved. I know I say this a lot, but I have to come back and remind myself of this truth a lot. 

I am learning new things! And all the parts of me that ever liked to get muddy, sweaty, worked out and sore and getting all the adventure they could want. There are a lot of days I'm thankful that I can wash my clothes as many times as I want to and not have to spend $1.50 in quarters just to get my clothes half dry. 

There are a lot of days I'm thankful for coffee and the milk in the fridge that I didn't pay for but can put in my coffee without having to figure in my head when my next pay check will come and how much I need to ration the milk. 

There are a lot of days I'm thankful that there is fresh fruit on the counter when I come down for breakfast and eggs in the fridge that I am free to cook. 

I'm thankful for hot showers... SO thankful! In college.... well, let's just say I didn't consider them too important. But the fact that I get poop on my clothes, on my hands, in my hair, and on my face... showers are beautiful. 

I'm thankful for the days I can sit down with coffee and my Bible and just be with the Lord for a few minutes. When you live in a family, your time is no longer your own. There's ALWAYS something to do or get done or work on... ALWAYS. You really have to choose a time and protect it and be wise about it if you want to let the Lord know He's important to you. 

I'm thankful for my fan. I used it to drown out the noise of sirens and screaming and drunken chatter outside my windows when I was in school... now i use it to drown out the silence. 

I'm thankful for my family. Every day, I'm thankful for my family.