אני סומך על אלוהים

I trust God.  If there is any other phrase to describe how I'm handling the wave of discouragement that has dashed itself on my shore.. it is that. I trust God.


For starters, I turned in my college of ed. application on Monday. 5 whole days before the deadline. (Go me!) Yesterday was tuesday.. I began to stress over the fact that my recommendations were not in. It did not take much before warm tears had filled my eyes and began to make their way down my face. I had to stop myself. No, God is fighting for me. My war is not against flesh and blood but against the evil forces all around me. This was not my worry. God fights for me. So, I prayed and read the verses that God had moved me to write on note cards earlier that day. My favorite being
"The LORD your God. who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (Duet. 1:30-31)


I felt calmed by this verse and it was not much later that I heard from both my recommendation writers that they were following through and the University of Iowa would receive the recommendations on time. PHEW! What a weight off my shoulders. I was like "wow God, I should have trusted you the first time." Wonderful. :)


Then this morning... I checked my email. With the credits that I transferred in so that I could meet the credit requirements... my GPA had dropped 3/10 of a point because of a college class I blew off in highschool. Those 3/10s of a point were enough to completely put me out of the running for being considered for the college of ed. Reading that was like...being punched in the stomach. Of course, reading that, my mind automatically went into panic mode.. "If I don't get in now then I can't re-apply until next semester. If I don't re-apply until next semester, than I can't start taking classes until I'm a junior. If I don't start taking classes until I'm a junior, I'll be one or two semesters behind and have to stay in college an extra year or so." And so on... so forth.


Nope. I trust God. After my morning classes, I walked to the college of ed. main office and discussed my options with a person there. Right now, my best option is to write an essay for special consideration. The essay being due on Friday.. one day and a half from now.  Uhmm.... yeah that's a little bit stressful. As I walked outta there, I kept thinking about how I trust God. This will pass. This is hard now, but God has a plan in all this.


The phrase that played in my head as I walked across campus was " I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted, not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed." These being the lyrics from the song Trading My Sorrows. Also the words from a verse found in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9


"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."


A couple weeks ago, I heard someone say "What ever we are not praying about, we are doing ourselves." How true is that? I have prayed about so many things in my life.. but as far as I can remember.. I have not asked God to help me with being a teacher. I have not asked God's blessing on my future dreams of teaching.  So, in this morning, 4 hours after finding out that I very well might not be getting into the college of ed. this spring, I trust God. I have been pressed, but I am not crushed. I have handed my dream of teaching over to God and have placed it in his hands. How wonderful it is to have Him fighting for me, for I shall still know joy.